‘Tis April Fool’s Day, ffolkes, which is why I am NOT going to apologize for the title of today’s Pearl…. In fact, I’m feeling a bit of, perhaps, unwarranted pride in that one; it isn’t every day I think of such a fine piece of classical punning, much less get such a public opportunity to display it…. My only regret is that I can’t hear the groans and/or other sounds of sheer disgust that it may engender….
Now, some folks, even some ffolkes, might be upset to be given such grief over a mere pun, but, to us punsters, such reactions are a sheer delight,considered to be applause, as the proper reward for our efforts…. Hell, a good pun can actually make the audience nauseous, so the sounds of worshiping at the throne of Ralph are also considered to be music, to the ears of a true punster…. I’ve heard reports of an unexpected pun causing a nosebleed, but, I just assumed that was on the part of the punster, as a result of the punch in the nose by his, or her,
victim, er, audience…..
Now that I’ve come as close to an apology as I intend to come, we can head off into the wilds of Consensual Reality…. That is, we could, if I could find the damn keys to the gigoid-mobile. I had the darn thing waxed & polished up, and all the fold-down tables on the seat backs are new. We were also going to offer free WiFi on today’s flight, but, unless we find the keys, we won’t even be offering the daily tour…. Hang on, I think I remember where I set them down…..
YES! Here they are, right where I left them (Naturally…. did you ever notice that EVERY time we lose something, it’s always in the LAST place we think to look for it?….) (Well, of course it is…. DOH! Once it’s found, you don’t need to look for it anymore, whatever it is…. which makes it the LAST place, doesn’t it?….. Sometimes, I amaze myself with my own stupidity….) (Hah! Gotcha!…. It’s April Fool’s Day, and THAT was the SECOND, OR THIRD joke of the day…..)
Don’t worry, ffolkes, I’m almost done…..
What to do, what to do…. I’ve performed two or four obligatory jokes to honor the holiday we are celebrating today, & now find myself a trifle short of material…. Well, at least, short of the sort of material that might work here in the intro (I can put the pornography anywhere, and it will garner views, so I don’t use it here…. and, no, you can’t borrow it….). Maybe I should….. No, I promised I wouldn’t do that anymore….. Well, perhaps those old…. no, I looked at them a couple of days ago, and they won’t even sparkle any more, much less explode….. Hmm…. I know! We can break out the old, perfectly rounded, embarrassment-proof, left-over political dross left here by that candidate last November….. No, that’s out, too….. We took that stuff to the dump last month….
Oh well…. I suppose we don’t HAVE to make this any more of a standard intro than it already isn’t…. Nothing we have on hand is going to do much to make the price of the ticket worthwhile….. unless, of course, we can spot a herd of asininnies to torment. That always makes everybody feel like they’ve gotten their money’s worth….. which is a good thing, as we hate to have dissatisfied passengers on the Reality-busting gigoid-mobile, especially since we don’t actually charge any REAL money…. I always feel so, so GUILTY when someone isn’t happy with their ride; since it’s free, I kind of feel like I’ve let ffolkes down….
Now that I’ve typed up, let’s see…. SIX complete paragraphs, all chock full of time-and-taste tested April Fool’s Day material, none of which hits even a 2 on the sobriety scale….. I only wish I could say it’s even funnier than it appears to be, but, I’d just be fooling with you, so, I won’t say that…. I suppose NOW would be the best time to issue the warning….
On this particular day, one can NOT predict just exactly HOW MUCH, nor HOW LONG I may be affected by the events of the day, so it’s best to leave a lot of clear space around wherever I may be standing, sitting, or walking, as foolish, bozoid events can break out at the slightest provocation…. In other words, it can get a bit weird around here, so, please, don’t be offended by anything you see or hear today, and, please, wear the Kevlar vests provided by our insurance brokers…. Thanks….
On that note, we should proceed, before anyone starts to panic….. Shall we Pearl?…..
“Evolution–life’s a niche, and then you die.” — Smart Bee
Yesterday afternoon, I found the following articles, all on one subject in which I am VERY interested, all of which, taken together, prompted the outburst you see below…. It’s not as fresh as the day, but, yesterday’s not TOO far gone, so, I think it should be relatively crisp and savory…. It’s all, once again, perfectly true in all its assertions, as evidenced by the information provided in two of the links, which lead to the report mentioned in the first post, complete with justifying data…. Let’s dive in, shall we?….
ETHNOLOGY, n. “The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.” –Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil’s Dictionary”
Or, in this case, climatologists, and those who love them least….
I have used this little entry from the Devil’s lexicon merely to highlight two factors as part of our discussion…. The first factor is to lay claim, as our statistical universe, to both the perpetrators, and the victims who are affected by the issue of climate change; in fact, with this factor, we make the obviously valid assumption that, in respect to pollution and climate change, all the various tribes of Man are both victim and perpetrator, in one…. The second factor I wish y’all to remember is a reminder, of the practical mistake in using science as the sole arbiter of any discussion, much less those concerning issues that can lead to one’s personal annihilation, aka, the final end results of man-made, unchecked changes to the climate of our planet….
With that dubiously high-falutin’ paragraph of intent behind us, allow me now depress you…. a lot….. (Fear not, it’s only for a while, and we’ll try to keep it light and humorous, as far as we can with such issues….)
The first link leads to an article from the NY Times, concerning one of the latest reports on climate change, this one issued by an Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, comprised of a significant number of highly respected scientific experts from many different countries, with advanced degrees, and established reputations, in a number of relevant disciplines….
The next link is a short summary of the report in a PDF document format; the third is a link to the actual report, on the website of the panel who compiled it…. The last link included is a summary of the entire report, compiled by a reporter from a UK news outlet, put together for their readers, explaining many of the details of the report…. as well as including remarks from a scientist who takes a differing viewpoint….
I will comment on a number of ideas presented in the articles, hopefully AFTER you have read them…. but, if you want to skip most of the actual reading, that’s cool, the last part will stand alone, as long as you’re aware of the general area under examination….You’ll also be able to appreciate more whatever attempts at humor there may be if you do…. See you on the other side of the links…..
Pictured above is the handsome, eminent Dr. Richard Tol, a scientist connected to the University of Sussex in the UK, a self-identified climatologist, (What? You’ve never heard of him? Gosh….. Nor have I….), who, with a smug, smarmy expression, stated unequivocally that all the scientists who wrote the report just a paranoid lot, a gaggle of Chicken Littles….
Well, okay, he actually just said he thought the report was an over-reaction, because HIS OWN calculations show there is much less to worry about than these worrisome ninnies are bleating about all over the news…. (Okay, he didn’t say “worrisome ninnies” or “bleating” either…. Sheesh, try to be a little dramatic, and what do I get?…. Nothing but grief….), as he stood, in an unknown location, blinking bemusedly at the reporter, obviously trying to glean as much air-time as he could possibly garner, by coming out with such a preposterously silly-ass view….
I’m sorry…. I have to say, by all appearances, this guy sure seems to have not the slightest clue as to how to get other folks believe him when he voices such , er, well nonsense?, Eh….? You’d think, if he was going to argue AGAINST all the “better known, more prestigious” scientists in the group of climatologists on the Intergovernmental Panel,
who were picked over him for the project , er, who drew up the report, he would have at least arranged for a photo that didn’t make him look like he forgot to take his medications for the last few days…. or, alternately, that he not only knows what a hair dresser is, but, has been to see one in the past year….. Either one might just have helped his credibility factor a tad, don’t y’think? Nice tie, though….. once one gets past his expression and hair, which looks as he he set off a small explosion in it before breakfast….
But, then, humans, as a result of the bozoid features of their nature, will deliberately, and foolishly, speak out against just about anything at all, just to make noise…. I mean, look at the political world…. Well, no, wait…. Never mind, let’s don’t…. I’m not sure my stomach lining would remain intact after picturing the sheer amount of stupidity necessary, for all the pundits on the political front, to deny what is slapping THEM in the face, literally as well as figuratively….. There is, positively, (yes, you read it correctly… I said positively, NOT possibly…. positively….), no greater number, all in one select group, of sheer, ignorant fools, anywhere at all , than are currently taking up space in the Republican, and Democratic, Parties of the US Congress….
I’m talking about the sort of complete and utter idiots who continue to maintain their standing as naysayers on this issue, claiming to question both the fact of climate change, and the idea that it is caused by mankind…. They’re usually the same idiots who regard Evolution as an unproved theory, clutching their faith-based misconception of dogma tightly to their ears, as protection against hearing the definitive, obvious proof of its invalidity, rather than accepting its true status, as the FACT the rest of the scientific community regards it to be….. That much DELIBERATE stupidity, in one place, beggars the imagination, not to mention the danger it represents to the mind, and spirit, of anyone trying to calculate what are apparently negative IQ numbers….
I swear, last time I sat down to do the math on that ( That is, by calculating the # of Senators who disbelieve in climate change, and/or evolution, divided by the IQ points indicated by being able to formulate that denial, expressed as a negative number, where necessary….), I was not just appalled, I was stunned into stupefaction myself, ending up feeling the NEED to eat chocolate, just as if I’d been face-sucked by a Dementor….
If the figures are correct, it lowers the average IQ of a US Senator down into the 55-70 range, with 100 as the average human’s intelligence quotient. When I tried to perform the same set of calculations for the House of Representatives, the computer laughed at me, refusing outright to even consider having anything to do with requiring it to express a number so minuscule….
I’m depressed now. Are you depressed? I am…. I think I said that….
Oh well, who cares? None of any of this will matter in 500 years, because, by then, IF there are ANY humans still alive, they will be those who, in the last moments before succumbing to death by suffocation, were able to, somehow, flee this planet, to establish a colony somewhere else in space, overcoming all the necessary scientific and technological obstacles to survival that will ensue, to, perhaps, be able to cling to a precarious existence, on Mars, or the Moon, or one of the moons of Jupiter or Saturn….
Or, maybe, the Asteroids…. which are, in truth, the simplest way to live in space, if necessary….
Those bodies, millions upon millions of pieces of rock and ice, which orbit the Sun between Mars and Saturn, are what appears to be left over from another planet, apparently destroyed a couple billion years in the Solar System’s past… All those left-over planetary pieces are chock-full of all kinds of raw materials, most likely including water, and the raw materials needed to grow food, as well as to build our machines to travel and live in space, thus sustaining any remnants of civilization we may be able to save…. if any at all…. Power, of course, would be available in the form of both sunlight, and the presence of a gravity well in the system at large, as well as in the almost unlimited materials present in the asteroids themselves….
After the aforementioned passage of the next 500 years, given the parameters of this, and other, reports on the subject, it is for sure and for certain, almost a foregone conclusion, NONE of us humans will be left alive on THIS planet, because it will no longer be capable of supporting our form of life….. By that time, it will exist as a new planet, empty of life as we know it, one with a non-oxygen based formula in the atmosphere, fatally toxic to us, and to every other form of mammalian, reptilian, amphibious, land, or solely water-dwelling, avian, and possibly, insectoid life that now exists here….
Who knows if bacteria, virae, lichens, fungi, and molds will survive?…. We’ve found some of them on space rocks, and on spacecraft returning to Earth, so, they’re pretty tough, it seems…. But, the rest of us? Unless, as I said above, we manage to emigrate at least a few of us to another place, we’re history, count on it….
Believe it, ffolkes, because THIS is the most likely scenario, of all the ones I’ve looked at in the last 50 years of watching this “sad tale of never-ending woe and struggle”….
I’m gonna go find something more fun to do, to drive off this depression…..
“Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS…” — Zippy the Pinhead
O’Neill: “Tell you what, let me put it nicely. Get me the hell outta here!” — from Stargate
Here is a poem from Lewis Carroll…. I’m hoping I won’t need to explain the reason it fits in with today’s theme, other than to say, when reading this, allow free rein to your sense of metaphor…. (Hint: Little Birds = denizens of human society….)…. Enjoy!…..
Little Birds are dining
Warily and well,
Hid in mossy cell:
Hid, I say, by waiters
Gorgeous in their gaiters –
I’ve a Tale to tell.
Little Birds are feeding
Justices with jam,
Rich in frizzled ham:
Rich, I say, in oysters
Haunting shady cloisters –
That is what I am.
Little Birds are teaching
Tigresses to smile,
Innocent of guile:
Smile, I say, not smirkle –
Mouth a semicircle,
That’s the proper style!
Little Birds are sleeping
All among the pins,
Where the loser wins:
Where, I say, he sneezes
When and how he pleases –
So the Tale begins.
Little Birds are writing
To be read by cooks:
Read, I say, not roasted –
Letterpress, when toasted,
Loses its good looks.
Little Birds are playing
Bagpipes on the shore,
Where the tourists snore:
“Thanks!” they cry. “‘Tis thrilling!
Take, oh take this shilling!
Let us have no more!”
Little Birds are bathing
Crocodiles in cream,
Like a happy dream:
Like, but not so lasting –
Crocodiles, when fasting,
Are not all they seem!
Little Birds are choking
Baronets with bun,
Taught to fire a gun:
Taught, I say, to splinter
Salmon in the winter –
Merely for the fun.
Little Birds are hiding
Crimes in carpet-bags,
Blessed by happy stags:
Blessed, I say, though beaten –
Since our friends are eaten
When the memory flags.
Little Birds are tasting
Gratitude and gold,
Pale with sudden cold:
Pale, I say, and wrinkled –
When the bells have tinkled,
And the Tale is told.
~~ Lewis Carroll ~~
Aye, the Tale is told, and told well…. I do enjoy a good metaphor, don’t y’all? We’ve made it as far as the last section, without any major mishaps, or any sort of diversionary actions that smack of Murphy’s tender touch…. for which, we are eternally grateful. In the perhaps futile hope of continuing this run of sheer luck, we’ll proceed to dive, to see if there are enough pearls available to fulfill our goal for the day…..
Parameters, today, are unnecessary….. serendipity is at loose in the world on days such as today, so we’ll trust in that to provide us with what we seek…. knowing that what we find will be worth the search…. If not, well, I can always comfort myself with the old saw about the journey being more important than the destination….. Abondanza!…..
How he lies in his rights of a man!
Death has done all death can.
And absorbed in the new life he leads,
He recks not, he heeds
Nor his wrong nor my vengeance; both strike
On his senses alike,
And are lost in the solemn and strange
Surprise of the change.
– Robert Browning (1812-1890) — After
“If you stand straight, do not fear a crooked shadow.” — Chinese Proverb
“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” — Bertrand Russell
“A little folly is desirable in him that will not be guilty of stupidity.” — Michael de Montaigne (1533-1592) — Book iii, Chap. ix
“I am, therefore I am.” — Akira
“It is ridiculous to lay the blame of our wrong actions upon external causes, rather than on the facility with which we ourselves are caught by such causes.” — Aristotle
And in your dreams you can see yourself
As a prophet saving the world
The words from your lips
I just can’t believe you are such
– Frank Zappa, “Oh No”.
Wow…. Serendipity, indeed….
Well, Stanley, this is ANOTHER fine mess you’ve gotten me into…. It is, however, done, and, if I say so myself, it’s done reasonably well….. Of course, one must keep in mind what day it is, too…. On that scary note, I’ll see y’all tomorrow…. Okay, sorry, can’t help it…. I suppose it’s not as scary, as it is resigned…. Okay, now I’m done…. probably finished as well, but, only time will tell on that one…. See ya…. for real this time….
and May the Metaphorse be with you;
Blessed Be, dearest Carole, Mark, and Theresa…
and everyone else, too…
When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.
Which is Why….
Sometimes I sits and thinks,
I just sits.
gigoid the dubious