– Hunter S. Thompson (b. 1939), journalist — Fear and Loathing ’72
Look! It’s a plane! No! It’s a turd! Hooray! It’s Toilet Man!….. Enough! I can’t do it…. I am, as the theme above suggests, NOT normal. It’s okay, I never wanted to be, anyway, so, it’s not going to hurt my feelings to be accused of missing out on that particularly noisome state of mundanity. Me, I could never figure out why it was so attractive, or so important for people to feel they were either on their way to becoming normal, or were already considered to be one of the conformist crowd…. Sure, I like people, occasionally, but, I sure wouldn’t want to BE like any of them…. But, no matter how I feel about normal, I can’t take advantage of it that way….
That, of course, is just the curmudgeon in me talking, which I can’t seem to stop from happening, all too often. According to the training rules for us curmudgeons-to-be, we are supposed to USE our skills, but, we aren’t supposed to make other people feel bad thereby, necessarily, although it is acceptable under certain conditions, such as being accosted by one of the stupids, and needing to put them out of their misery. That’s okay, but, generally, we aren’t supposed to load our foul moods onto other ffolkes; only if they deserve it, for which there are strict requirements to fulfill, to ensure they are a deserving recipient of our ire….
At this point, I’d probably do well to mention that we are still quite a far piece from reality, so, you shouldn’t be taking any of this too seriously, or trying to figure out whether or not my tongue is in cheek, or somewhere less appropriate than that. This is also a good point to tell you, the picture is from SFGATE, from a photo feature a few days ago, highlighting signs around the world with funny or odd statements, such as the above, and the name of the photographer is on the picture (in VERY small letters…) …. I have actually seen a sign very similar to this, in Beijing, during a visit there in 2004. Such signs were a constant source of amusement, as many of the English translations in the advertisements on billboards were simply hilariously mashed up….
Of course, it’s important for me to remember…. this kind of opening, as fun as it may be, does have its own potential risks…. For example, here we are, a good three to four paragraphs down the pike, and we have yet to whine about being late, or how lazy I’m feeling (somewhat….), or any of my usual techniques to draw your attention away from the lack of any sort of elegance, not to mention the lack of any sort of visible evidence of intelligent life as we know it. The risk in this should be obvious, even to…. no, I won’t go there. I’m not going to be one of those bloggers who insults my readers, just to show I can, or some other misguided reason….
I am, however, going to have to call a halt to this, even though we’re just beginning to have some fun with it, and it’s starting to flow nicely…. Too bad I’m completely out of any more ideas as to what to put here…. In fact, my brain is emptying out so fast, I’m getting dizzy, and had best take a break…. You know what this means, so hang on….
Shall we Pearl?…..
“It’s snowing still. And freezing. However, we haven’t had an earthquake lately.” — A.A. Milne’s Eyore
In keeping with the theme which has thus far characterized today’s effort, let’s see what the headlines around the web have for us….
Oh. My. Gosh….. Okay, well, so it doesn’t quite have the same impact, or cathartic release factor, as the usual blasphemy I could be expected to come out with in such cases, but, I think employing the use of such a mild epithet will, no doubt, save me some hate mail…. Of course. that would help, if I actually got any…. Nonetheless, expletive expressions notwithstanding, I was a bit surprised to see the above headline, which, since you can’t see it all, says, to wit:
“ExxonMobil, Chevron Locked In Bidding War To Acquire Lucrative Pennsylvania Senator”
Flabbergasted, flummoxed, flustered, and, just a little bit surprised, I was, when I first saw this…. Then, of course, I noticed where it was published, on The Onion, and, so realized it was only humor…. pointed, sharp humor that accurately skewers Reality in America, but, humor…. In this case, what needs to be noted is the source of the humorous nature of the piece, which is rooted in the fact that it is probably true, though not necessarily for the exact companies named here….. You may be certain, however, that the concept itself is NOT completely out of the realm of possibility in the US Senate…. not in THIS Reality…..
I’m almost certain my creative juices aren’t quite up to turning this into a rant; it’s just too ironic…. which, coming from me, is pretty ironic, as well…. True, though, so, I’m going to go with my instincts, and go with an old-school pearl, a collection of pointed sticks to jab in the eyes of all those in our Beloved Ruling Class who are so diligent in their efforts to screw the rest of us….. Enjoy!….
“Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things than someone who hasn’t.” — Mark Twain (1835-1910)
“An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.” — H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
“I’m not against the police; I’m just afraid of them.” — Alfred Hitchcock
“A little truth helps the lie go down.” — A direct quote from the US Senate publication, “Communication Tips for New Senators”
“Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.” — Tom Robbins
“Not all the conservative are stupid, but all the stupid are conservative.” — Benjamin Disraeli
(The oddest part of this quote? Disraeli, by modern standards, would call himself a conservative…. To me, it just goes to show, ALL of them need help…. and, by that, I mean professional help….)
“This sickness doth infect
The very life-blood of our enterprise.”
– William Shakespeare (1564-1616), King Henry IV — Act iv, Sc. 1
Well, there you have it, ffolkes…. I’m thinking I may have been a bit too eclectic; most of these wouldn’t be understood at all by any of the people it targets…. which rather eliminates part of the point, doesn’t it? Oh well, there’s always tomorrow; I don’t think they’re going to add on any IQ points overnight, so we’ll have another chance to make a dent in their intransigent stupidity….
I repost this poem at least once a year, just because it is one of my favorites, it goes so well with much of the material I end up producing…. and usually ends up saying what I was trying to say, better than I said it…. Enjoy, please…..
My fellow man I do not care for.
I often ask me, What’s he there for?
The only answer I can find
Is, Reproduction of his kind.
If I’m supposed to swallow that,
Winnetka is my habitat.
Isn’t it time to carve Hic Jacet
Above that Reproduction racket?
To make the matter more succinct:
Suppose my fellow man extinct.
Why, who would not approve the plan
Save possibly my fellow man?
Yet with a politician’s voice
He names himself as Nature’s choice.
The finest of the human race
Are bad in figure, worse in face.
Yet just because they have two legs
And come from storks instead of eggs
They count the spacious firmament
As something to be charged and sent.
Though man created cross-town traffic,
The Daily Mirror, News and Graphic,
The pastoral fight and fighting pastor,
And Queen Marie and Lady Astor,
He hails himself with drum and fife
And bullies lower forms of life.
Not that I think much depends
On how we treat our feathered friends,
Or hold the wrinkled elephant
A nobler creature than my aunt.
It’s simply that I’m sure I can
Get on without my fellow man.
~~ Ogden Nash ~~
Y’all are getting the benefit of my laziness again today; a rant just doesn’t seem attractive right now…. I guess there’s only one thing to do, as I don’t have any goo Art to go with…. another old-school pearl, which will serve several purposes, at least three of which cannot be discussed in this venue without notifying certain officials, which we don’t wish to do…. so, those purposes shall remain secret, as long as y’all can keep quiet…. In fact, I insist…. Why don’t y’all have a seat right there, and listen up….
“Could you tell night from day?” “No, I regard all such distinctions as logically impossible.” — Heraclitus
“Be ruled by time, the wisest counselor of all.” — Plutarch (46-120 AD) — Life of Pericles (B.C. 495-429)
“He who receives a good turn should never forget it; he who does one should never remember it.” — Charon
“The hardest part about gaining any new idea is sweeping out the false idea occupying that niche. As long as that niche is occupied, evidence and proof and logical demonstration get nowhere. But once the niche is emptied of the wrong idea that has been filling it – once you can honestly say, “I don’t know,” then it becomes possible to get at the truth.” — Robert A. Heinlein
“A free life cannot acquire many possessions, because this is not easy to do without servility to mobs or monarchs…” — Epicurus (341-270 B.C.)
“Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves?” — Friedrich Nietzsche
“If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.” — Albert Einstein
Well…. This turned out quite well, thank you; balanced, sharp, and deep. Plus, a new quote from Albert that I’d never seen…. I’m happy there are still a few left in Smart Bee for me to find…. especially when they’re like this, and help to create a fine pearl…
Wow… I got so jazzed about the potential to be finished, I forgot to close it out…. Now I haven’t a clue as to what to say here; two minutes ago I had it all planned out, but, after going back to edit, it went away, to whatever place in my mind where such ideas go to cry themselves to sleep…. Not a particularly rational image, but, poignant…. Any who, it’s done, such as it is, so, I’m outta here….. See y’all tomorrow, ffolkes….
and May the Metaphorse be with you;
Blessed Be, dearest Carole, Mark, and Theresa…
and everyone else, too…
When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.
Which is Why….
Sometimes I sits and thinks,
I just sits.
gigoid the dubious