Bloody, but unbowed, he staggers on….

Ffolkes,

There are some mornings here on ECR when I’m no longer sure of what I’m doing, or exactly why. I’ve been doing these Pearls so long now at this time of the day, the routine of it will often pull me through any reluctance or fatigue that may manifest… We’ve discussed previously the power of routine in our lives, but, I don’t believe I explored how often routine is ALL we have to maintain the appearance of normalcy…. Our inner world can become so preoccupied with issues with which it is struggling, that the outer world, and all of ITS problems and issues become of distant, secondary concern to us, in terms of our priorities….

For example, today, I awoke with both a great deal of pain, and the full gamut of PTSD symptomatology, in full swing…. I’ve related how I am currently having to switch from one pain medication, upon which I’ve depended for my most complete pain relief for the last 8 years, to using strictly medical marijuana to treat my chronic, severe back and hip pain…. 

For some time now, I’ve used the marijuana products to augment the prescribed pain killer, as it is the most effective way to treat both the pain, and my PTSD symptoms, (consisting primarily of emotional lability, including ongoing anxiety, panic attacks, and insomnia), all without causing any side effects, no risk of overdose, and no known negative interactions with other substances. However, since the federal government’s laws concerning that substance are antediluvian in nature, the doctors turn into myrmidons, and insist on following “policy” rather than honoring their Hippocratic oath to treat the patient, not the society….

This morning, my physical and mental states decided to rebel against the changes that are being forced upon me, as I try to wean myself off the addictive drug they’ve been giving me for 8 years, thereby insuring that I will suffer the lovely group of symptoms of withdrawal from a narcotic, including some rather vicious dyskinesia that is affecting me today….

That is the condition where your muscles are vibrating, you can’t sit still, and the entire body feels as if an electric current is running through the musculature, causing each muscle to spasm in turn…. Oh, it’s a lovely condition, and I’m just glad there are certain of the mj products that help soothe the symptoms when they occur….

Okay, so, how’s the Pity Party going? Anybody else want to chime in?…. we’ve got a lot of whine, to go with any cheesy complaints YOU might have, if you wish to join in the fun….. No? Okay…. It’s probably best if I discontinue any further pairings of whine and cheese, and get on with what I’m ostensibly here to do…. which isn’t complain about my conditions, which is something everybody out there has to deal with, one way or another…. I’m not alone, in that my medical issues aren’t any worse or better than anyone else’s….

But, they’re MINE, and they do take up more of my attention than I like…. I’ve never been “sickly” or even particularly weak in any way…. just the opposite. Which is why I really, really HATE not being able to do just about anything I’d like to be able to do anymore, and end up complaining about it…. I can’t say you’ll never hear about this again, but, I’m done for today…. Let’s get on with our regular business, okay? Okay….

Shall we Pearl?…..

“There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man’s life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched.” — Sophocles (496-406 BC) — Trachiniae, 1
_____________________________

I have to say, (one last bitch), this process isn’t as much fun when I’m having PTSD issues…. The mental effort to remain in disguise, as a normal, intelligent human being, is huge, and when one throws in the pain, it’s enough to have me in tears every few minutes, as I try and try to throw off the unwelcome, and unnecessary feelings of sorrow, from whatever source they’re bubbling up to torment me…. You see, I don’t even know WHY I’m sitting here with tears flowing freely down my face as I type…. I have no big issues of import at hand, at least, not any emotional ones, that I can think of, that would cause any such degree of angst, so, it HAS to be rooted in the past, somehow…. Nothing else makes any sense….

So, anybody have any suggestions, as to how I can get rid of all this shit that keeps coming up to haunt me, when I haven’t a single clue as to what the hell it’s all about?

No?

Well, I don’t blame you for not wanting to get involved…. mental health issues come under the heading of NIMBY for most folks, and, even for some ffolkes, who know a bit more about the issues involved, and are less judgmental…. It’s okay, though, because I have a sure fire way, at least of a temporary nature, that will do just fine to throw these feelings back behind the screen of denial where they generally reside; it’s called a random harlequin old-school pearl, a creative process that never fails to cheer me up…. So, I hope you enjoy the following group of pearls, because they’re definitely going to save my ass this morning….

“It is odd, is it not, that a person’s worth to society by is measured by their wealth, when instead their wealth should be measured by their worth to society.” — A. Cygni

“Belief in God? An afterlife? I believe in rock: this apodictic rock beneath my feet.” — Edward Abbey

— ‘Shit Happens’ according to…  Waitress: “You want fries with that shit?”

“Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the  concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.” — P. J. O’Rourke

“He hoped and prayed that there wasn’t an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn’t an afterlife.” — Douglas Adams

“Whoever invented the eraser had the human race pretty well sized up.” — Smart Bee

“Euripides was wont to say, ‘Silence is an answer to a wise man.'” — Plutarch (46-120 AD) — Of Bashfulness

Those of y’all who have seen a number of pearls in your time reading this blog will recognize this one as damn near perfect….. If you don’t get why, not to worry…. It’s all good advice, or good concepts upon which to spend time considering, and, thus, is worth reading…. If the point it makes isn’t clear, don’t push it, it will come to you in time…. If you are like me, it may wake you up late at night, out of your sleep, to say a loud “AHA!”….. And if not, well, you didn’t waste much time, and it DID improve your mind, know it or not….
_____________________________

I really wish…. Well, why not? Let’s see what happens….

Blithely Untitled

A poem came to me today, willy, nilly,
along with a sharp blow to the head.
Since it left me feeling just a bit silly,
anything that rhymes should lessen the dread.

Manifesting destiny into a small, insidious group
we push on toward sanity, concentrating hard.
Full engaging moments spent navigating the loop
shall ever make a difference to victims found in the yard.

Still corpses of creatures, straight out of nightmare
fill up the corners of our tortured minds.
While ever saddened, the iconic male, most debonair,
gazes softly, ironically, at all the mutual interest he finds.

Moronic public statutes compel outbreaks of sanity,
responding to momentary impulses toward inducing peace.
Still, the motions get completed, in fertile stages of inanity
while the bulk of our inmates can find no surcease.

Reluctant motivation to continue is unbound,
striving to ascertain how far there yet remains to go.
No precognitive guesswork will make any less of a sound
to soften the final strains, to teach us to really know.

~~ gigoid ~~

_____________________________

Well, it came out… such as it is…. I think it may get some editing done on it, some day… for now, it’s fresh poetry, so treat it nicely, ‘kay?…. In the meantime, my ranting ability for today is rather limited, I think, since I can’t sit very long before having to get up to take a break… makes it hard to follow a close line of reasoning, necessary for a good rant…. So, we’re going back to an old-school variety pearl, just because I can, and I want to…. Besides, I think today, it’s for the best….

On previous occasions when I’ve tried to rant after writing a poem, or, in the mood I’m in, terrible things have happened, and regardless as to whether or not it may or may not happen again, I don’t care to take that risk today…. mostly because I’d be tempted to just leave the dead bodies where they laid, giving them no respect or burial…. Then, two days from now, I’ll regret it because of the irrevocable odoriferous nature of dead bodies after two days…. With THAT lovely image in your head, allow me to just move out of the way, as y’all stampede the bathroom, to give it up at the throne….

All back? All serene? Good, sorry ’bout that, won’t happen again…. Just enjoy the pearls, ffolkes, it’s the best way to get this done so you can get out of this mess….

“A noble man compares and estimates himself by an idea which is higher than himself; and a mean man, by one lower than himself. The one produces aspiration; the other ambition, which is the way in which a vulgar man aspires.” — Henry Ward Beecher

“For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe… Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end.” — H. L. Mencken (1928)

“Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few.” — Pythagoras (BC 582-507)

“A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.” — Mahatma Gandhi

“One should always be a little improbable.” — Oscar Wilde

“A life directed chiefly toward the fulfillment of personal desires sooner or later always leads to bitter disappointment.” — Albert Einstein

“It’s a lot of fun being alive…  I wonder if my bed is made?!?” — Zippy the Pinhead

Okay, well, I like it…. so, it stays….
_____________________________

Today’s Pearl is, as are most of them, unique…. But, if something can be MORE unique than any other thing, if only by connotation, then, this Pearl is more so than any I can recall…. and my memory is VERY good…. Legally, I can’t go back and even start over, as it has a completed poem in it, so, we’ll just have to let it fly as it is, and hope for the best…. I hope y’all enjoy it, and aren’t turned away by the personal nature of a lot of it, or by the unreasonably huge amount of whine and cheesiness that was served up front…. I guess all I can do is all I can do, and I’ve done all I can do…. So be it, gigoid has spoken…. See ya….

Y’all take care out there,
and May the Metaphorse be with you;
Blessed Be, dearest  Carole, Mark, and Theresa…
and everyone else, too…

When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.

Which is Why….


Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.

gigoid

dozer3

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2 thoughts on “Bloody, but unbowed, he staggers on….

  1. We do want fries with our shit, and want you to order some too. Sad thing about chronuc conditions is how debilitating they are not just physically, but emotionally. Its a constant battle to stay positive, which means believing things will improve while accepting they may never. Like purgatory for pain. It does really suck the big one.
    Not much to say besides the loud and clear “hang in and hang on”. Fighting the pain meds battle is well worth it. There’s a brand of medical maryj that has zero thc.. forgot company name that makes it, but was just in news so can be googled. Might be a good alternative for u if u haven’t already found. Last but not least, u need routine more than ever n these times for balance, health, and happiness. Keep writing and keep fighting. Not sure where you stand on higher power spectrum and I guess that doesnt matter for my final final suggestion:prayer. For solace, comfort, clarity, and strength. It does work no matter the direction youre sending it. Thats always personal. Every single one of us has a unique vision of who and what is listening. If it’s just your inner cells in your room, fair enough.
    hugs, o and om

    • om, milady fair…. You, and odie, are indeed a pair of sweet hearts…. I thank you sincerely for your advice and good wishes, and will gladly accept all hugs… I have a feeling that a hug from Odysseus is wondrously healing, which, naturally, would mean that yours will match, so I’ll take as many as I can get….

      Actually, as you can see by tomorrow’s Pearl, all is better today…. but, I wanted to say that you’re right about the debilitation being more strain emotionally than it is physically, in some senses… Some days, it’s all I can do not to bite people, especially those who act out their idiocy right in front of me…. It’s probably considered a miracle in some circles that I’ve stayed out of gaol all this time, what with my tendency to chew on innocents… Well, sort of… I never actually draw blood, or leave visible marks…

      Any who, thanks for coming by; I only wish I could make it by your site more often, to see what you’ve been up to, but, I do think of you, and my other WP friends, while I’m NOT surfing… unfortunately, thoughts don’t yet register on the stat bots…. 😉

      See you, my dear… Thanks for the comments, and the hugs…. Blessed Be…., and give odie a treat from me…. some nice salmon would be good, I think….

      Love,

      gigoid

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