Ffolkes,
I’m not sure why, but I woke up in a foul, fragile mood, which makes me want to bite something, or preferably somebody. I actually do have an idea why, but only the final event really matters; it is one that is not for publication. I’m finding myself enjoying (if that is the word) some newish side benefits, perks, if you will, of being the proud possessor of PTSD, in all its ugly glory…..
The last few weeks have been a bit rough, in terms of physical pain and financial stress. I’m getting really, really fed up with trying to subsist on the amount of money I was making when I was 22. Add that stress to the pain I’ve been fighting, and you get the diffuse anxiety, depressive thoughts, and emotional fragility that causes me to burst into tears without any warning…. like right now….. S’cuse me a minute…..
Sorry ’bout that…. any who….. The latest news that has me stressed out is that my landlord is having a problem refinancing the property, and may lose it. So, as of the first of this month, I might have to move, if his refinance isn’t approved. I really don’t want to move…. I’ve grown to hate the process severely. I can no longer do most of it myself, because of my back, so I must find someone to help me. Since I live like a hermit, that will be problematic, and just adds to the stress.
“It’s exhilarating to be alive in a time of awakening consciousness; it can also be confusing, disorienting, and painful.” — Adrienne Rich
That’s enough self pity, I think…. I hate to indulge in it, and don’t really want to put my problems out there for all to see. But, today, I don’t care what people think about it, I just need to vent, and this is my only source for that service….. I’ll try to keep it lighter from this point, ‘kay?….
Shall we Pearl? That is, after all, what I am here for……
Truths would you teach, or save a sinking land?
All fear, none aid you, and few understand.
— Alexander Pope (1688-1744)– Essay on Man, Epistle iv, Line 261
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Better stop short than fill to the brim.
Oversharpen the blade, and the edge will soon blunt.
Amass a store of gold and jade, and no one can protect it.
Claim wealth and titles, and disaster will follow.
Retire when the work is done.
This is the way of heaven.
— Tao Te Ching
In discussing religions, I have always avoided showing a preference for one over another. It may seem like I pick on Christianity a lot, but that, I believe, merely reflects the fact that I was raised as one, so I am more familiar with its intransigences. All of them are based on false assumptions, so, to my mind, they are all delusional at their base.
Taoism, on the other hand, is NOT a religion, as it does not promote any particular concept of a dyslexic Dog, and speaks of Heaven only as a reflection of the Tao, an ideal, as it were, without supposing the presence of a supernatural policeman enforcing delusional behavior.
REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.
Desirous to avoid the pains of Hell,
You will repent and join the Church, Parnell?
How needless! — Nick will keep you off the coals
And add you to the woes of other souls.
Jomater Abemy
— Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil’s Dictionary”
Instead of attempting to get people to behave acceptably by offering rewards and punishments, Taoism provides suggestions and observations regarding the way to approach reality to achieve a desired result. There is no promise of everlasting life for following the rules set down, nor any threat of a fiery Hell if those rules are broached. There is only the author’s wisdom regarding his approach to life, with suggestions for behavior that lead to desirous results in reality. It is an appeal to reason, rather than treating adults as children with a mad, capricious parent, inconsistent from one moment to the next…..
“Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.” — Pooh’s Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne
All of the above suggestions are very good advice, and all obviously based on experience. They have been tested by reality, and found to be accurate in every case. If you have ever filled a glass with liquid to the brim, then tried to carry it somewhere, the first line is one you will agree with right away; it is actually a technique taught in food service to waitrons, to always leave some room at the top of the glass, so that it becomes easy to carry, rather than stressful, and messy. The others are equally relevant, as I can attest, and, as can be seen by reading history books, and the daily news, evidence is ubiquitous in both.
On a personal level, I find Taoism to be incredibly useful in dealing with everyday events. It requires the development of new ways of thinking, and getting rid of habitual patterns of behavior based on dysfunctional concepts and institutions, but I can attest that it is entirely worth the effort.
Using these precepts as the basis for all one’s actions is actually a soothing, uplifting process; I find today that merely discussing the differences has improved my emotional state. This can theoretically be extended into every corner of our lives, and provide us with a source of serenity and peace in a world full of strife and confusion…..
“To YOU I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.” — Woody Allen (Well, sort of….)
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Yesterday, I wrote one of several pieces on Will Shakespeare…. Murphy has apparently decided to be helpful, in his own way, and keeps shoving into my face more and more examples that demonstrate the extent of the crap he produced.
Rather that piss him off, I’ll put some more in today’s Pearl, to further my campaign to remove him from the pantheon of literary gods, and return him to where he belongs, somewhere in the middle of the pack of writers in the world, a worthy compatriot of Jacqueline Suzanne and the author of “Twilight”……
He arrests him on it;
And follows close the rigour of the statute,
To make him an example.
— William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure — Act i, Sc. 4
“Convey,” the wise it call. “Steal!” foh! a fico for the phrase!
— William Shakespeare (1564-1616), The Merry Wives of Windsor — Act i, Sc. 3
I hold you as a thing ensky’d and sainted.
— William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure — Act i, Sc. 4
Can such things be,
And overcome us like a summer’s cloud,
Without our special wonder?
— William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Macbeth — Act iii, Sc. 4
Ap. My poverty, but not my will, consents.
Rom. I pay thy poverty, and not thy will.
— William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Romeo and Juliet — Act v, Sc. 1
That is probably enough…. these five all strike me as nonsense. Perhaps they show more meaning if put into the context of the plays, but, are still far more obscure than they need to be…. I’ll stop now because Will has taken quite a few hits here the last two days, and is starting to look a bit bedraggled and bloody. Of course, he has a reputation that can probably stand up to that….. Ah well, my suggestion is, if you want to see a good play, go see something that Tennessee Williams wrote, or better yet, Neil Simon….
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A Last Confession
What lively lad most pleasured me
Of all that with me lay?
I answer that I gave my soul
And loved in misery,
But had great pleasure with a lad
That I loved bodily.
Flinging from his arms I laughed
To think his passion such
He fancied that I gave a soul
Did but our bodies touch,
And laughed upon his breast to think
Beast gave beast as much.
I gave what other women gave
That stepped out of their clothes.
But when this soul, its body off,
Naked to naked goes,
He it has found shall find therein
What none other knows,
And give his own and take his own
And rule in his own right;
And though it loved in misery
Close and cling so tight,
There’s not a bird of day that dare
Extinguish that delight.
William Butler Yeats
And now the emotional repair job is complete. A bit of light, happy making poetry from Mssr. Yeats, and all is well….. Enjoy!
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So be it…. today’s effort was mostly therapeutic, for me, at least by intent. Hopefully, it will bring some light into your life as well…. Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..
Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.
gigoid
Kowabunga!
gigoid 
I’d give you a lift to move, if you have to, if I lived a bit nearer. Sorry to hear of your woes.
Thank you, my dear Oyia, that’s very sweet of you…. I’ll be okay, I always am…. the effort it takes to throw off the depression just wears on me sometimes…. I appreciate your taking the time to comment, and for the offer…. 😉
Oh, things have got to get better…I feel sad reading a lot of this. Hang in there my friend.
Milady Carol….I rest my case, regarding the boundless compassion and beauty that shines out from your soul…. 🙂 Thank you, dear friend…. once again, in venting I disturbed ffolkes, and it’s not my intent…. I am still way better off than the majority of the world, in terms of available resources; it is mostly my own advancing physical challenges that so infuriates me.
All my life, I’ve been a multi-sport athlete, and a martial artist, and having my own body turn against me gets old after a time…. I will be alright…. none of what is wrong with me is terminally dangerous…. pain won’t kill you. It just makes you irritable, while slowing you down to 1/5 the activity level that was formerly normal….The financial situation will eventually correct itself. Again, it is just trying to the patience, while also being a somewhat exhilarating experience. It has been said that ‘a hungry man is never bored’, and I can attest to that without doubt.
So, have no fear, milady, things will indeed get better, eventually. I am learning to live with the pain, and the spending habits I’ve learned being chronically broke will no doubt serve me well once I start receiving my Social Security. Alas, that is still a minimum of 4-6 months away, and possibly much more…so, I will survive, and eventually, all will be well…. I’ll make it… I still have a very large number of places in the world I intend to see before I check out….
It’s mild, but it’s still ranting, in reverse, so to speak; not to incite, but to assure you all is well enough….Take care, and be well… 🙂
Ranting in reverse…is okay. Even ranting forward is okay! It’s gotta be difficult many days, so just take it one day at a time, and rant as much as you want to. We’re all here listening. And anyway, you always include something positive, no matter how bad the day seems to be, and so I know you are still hopeful…and that’s a good thing. 🙂