I have many memories of punters and sex trade profiteers who I wish I could just kill.

I am not a violent person – but coming away from the coldness of the sex trade has fill my mind with too many violent thoughts – or what other may class as fantasies.

I was fed into a machine-world where violence was my norm, where numbing out fear and pain was my norm.

I was fed into that machine-world until I was more than disassociated, more than dead from hope – until I spoke the language of my oppressors and became their living porn-doll.

I was alive – but had no will that was not their property.

I was alive – but pain was foreign to me.

I was alive – but saw and knew it was violence through a haze of not wanting to know.

I was made into an ideal…