It can only be cannon fodder….

Ffolkes,
Light and dark chased each other through the night in my dreams, laughing and playing existential tag up and down the stairs. We watched, smiling, as they cavorted, pleased to see them together again, after so many ages of standing apart, ignoring the other. Reality had assumed a more pleasing configuration, and the stars smiled…..

Such is what dribbles out when I sit to type some days. It’s not bad, but a bit amorphous, and I’m not sure where it might go. Light, dark, Reality, it’s quite an eclectic group of characters, and could be interesting to develop, were I so inclined…. Fortunately for us all, I’m not so inclined at the moment. I say fortunate because I have the feeling that what would come out of it would not be something I’d care to write…. it could get pretty sappy, or even go romantic. Shudder….. not really, just being silly. But, still, not going there this early in the morning……. it could sour my coffee…..

I think I’m dithering, and that appalls me; I do try to maintain some slight degree of dignity, most of the time, when I’m not indulging in whimsy. If I’m not careful, I can see that this could easily get away from me today, so I think we’ll just dive in and get on with it… shall we Pearl?….
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Ladies’ Sewing Circle And Terrorist Society — Smart Bee

I chuckled mildly when I saw this; it’s pretty good contrasting of two images in one phrase, producing a delightful little intellectual shock. Plus, I figured this way I can include the word “terrorist” as one of the tags, which will no doubt draw the attention of those NSA covert information gatherers who are now keeping track of all the terrorists’ communications on the internet. Of course, this is NOT a communication from one terrorist to another, not even in code. But I figure the more times I use the word in this section, and add it to the tag cloud, it should draw their attention like a moth to a bright lamp at night…..

Why, you may ask, do I wish to draw the attention of the covert assholes who are denying my right to privacy?  (Well, this is published, so maybe not privacy, but freedom of speech for sure….)  I’m not certain, actually. I’ve been a little bored lately, maybe that’s it…. Naw, I never get bored! I guess I’m just feeling a bit cranky after several days of fighting my own body, and I need something outside myself upon which to focus my angst and resentment. They seem to be a likely target for venting my spleen…. and if not, well, we’ll have a chance to see if my preparations for confrontations of this nature have been effective, eh?

In at least one respect, I’m baiting them, for sure…. I’ve not said anything particularly seditious here up to this point, though it would have been simple to do so; I’m trying to be careful not to cross the line over into the actual statement of action that would trigger their overreaction. It’s another test, of sorts, to see how much they will tolerate before taking some sort of action. I post every day, pain or no pain, so if you don’t see a post from me some morning, you’ll know the experiment had an unfortunate, if not unforeseen, result, and they’ve come to take me away for questioning and reconditioning…. a thinly disguised pair of euphemisms for torture, which is now an authorized tool in the tool bags issued to our police forces, and is now an interrogation technique cleared for use on US citizens, such as you, or me….

There, that should do it. Four paragraphs should be enough to draw their attention, and I’ve been careful not to say anything that is illegal, at least not under the Constitution I know. If it doesn’t suit their new ideas of what people are “allowed” to say in public (and when has THAT phrase ever applied in this country, I ask?), well, they’ll do what they do, I suppose… So keep your eyes on this space, and we’ll have at least one picture in a frame to indicate the current health of the First Amendment in our country…. or we’ll have a missing writer, disappeared into some federal enclave, never to be seen again…. but, you’ll know where to start looking, at least….
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“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you “like hell. — Edna St. Vincent Millay

When my former wife decided to leave the family we had created, shortly before my daughter was to graduate high school, I was devastated, badly. There was also a sense of relief at not having to be confronted on a daily basis with all that was wrong in the relationship, but it was mostly overshadowed by the depression caused by failing in my duty. You see, to me, being married was not just a labor of love, it was a duty I had assumed, and I was taught that to fail in one’s duty is the worst thing that a man can do in life. Whether or not that failure was my own, or due to the efforts of others, is immaterial in the final analysis. Duty is duty. So, when I saw this from Ms. St. Vincent Millay (a favorite sf/fantasy author, as well as poetess) I felt an immediate connection to it, as it is a very accurate description of the form that my depression assumed.

“There is not so agonizing a feeling in the whole catalogue of human suffering, as the first conviction that the heart of the being whom we most tenderly love is estranged from us.” — Bulwer

And, in spite of the 12+ years that have passed, I feel this way still. She never believed me when I told her that my love for her was stronger every day; that may have been the source of the entire problem. I don’t know why, as I thought that 20+ years of faithful marriage was pretty good proof of my intentions. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what the issue may have been; she did what she did, and we all know there is no going back in time.

So, I still spend some time every day walking around the hole that is still there in my world, and still spend time at night not sleeping because I have no one next to me to whom I can turn.

Though I had thought for a time that I had found another woman, an honest one, that also turned out to be not true, as she ended up removing me surgically from her life in two days, and never even bothered to give me a reason…. Though it hurt, it was so viciously dishonest that the pain of the betrayal hasn’t lasted as long.

We all have our holes to walk around, and fall into. Sometimes they never go away, and we just have to learn to make new pathways around them. But, it still hurts….. and that, too, is Life…. and in Life, Love can regrow, as it can be metaphorically equated to a Rose…. so there is always hope.

When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows,
Lies the seed, that with the sun’s love, in the spring becomes The Rose.
— The Rose, sung by Bette Midler
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“Duct Tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it  holds the universe together. The only difference is that “May The Force be  with you” sounds a lot nicer than “May you be covered in duct tape.” — Carl Swanzig

I love this! Not just because it is whimsical, which is a good thing, but because it is a good comparison. Best of all, it lends itself to a long series (6 movies worth) of images it can create using the dialog from those flicks.

Imagine this… Luke is barreling down the pathway on the Death Star, getting ready to fire the missile that will destroy it, when Darth Vader comes up behind to threaten him. Obi-wan says, “Use the Duct Tape, Luke!” So, Luke reaches back to Darth’s Tie-fighter and telekinetically causes a piece of Tape to detach itself from the dashboard (where it had been holding together a crack) and covers Darth Vader’s helmet, causing him to lose control of his ship, allowing Luke to fire his missile…. end of Death Star, thanks to Duct Tape….

Or, when Darth kills Obi-wan, the line would have been, “If you kill me Darth, I shall become stickier that you can possibly imagine!” The possibilities are endless, and think of how much money could have been saved on special effects using Duct Tape rather than movie magic to hold things in place, or move them about invisibly. Probably a LOT….

Ah well, maybe some day George Lucas will produce a comedy re-make using the idea…. It might not be the blockbuster that Star Wars was, but I’ll bet it would more than break even…. Hell, I’d pay good money to see it today…. I could use the laughs…..
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Wake up all you citizens, hear your country’s call,
Not to arms and violence, But peace for one and all.
Crush out hate and prejudice, fear and greed and sin,
Help bring back her dignity, restore her faith again.

Work hard for a common cause, don’t let our country fall.
Make her proud and strong again, democracy for all.
Yes, make our country strong again, keep our flag unfurled.
Make our country well again, respected by the world.

Make her whole and beautiful, work from sun to sun.
Stand tall and labor side by side, because there’s so much to be done.
Yes, make her whole and beautiful, united strong and free,
Wake up, all you citizens, It’s up to you and me.
— Pansy Myers Schroeder

No comments from me here… this is not great poetry, but it is good. It is also a very clear statement of what this country needs, period. Enough said…. for now….

“Governing a large country is like frying a small fish. You spoil it with too much poking.” — Lao-Tze

“Opportunities multiply as they are seized.” — Sun Tzu
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If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. — Smart Bee

Although this didn’t have attribution, it sounds just like something the current Dalai Lama might say. It is certainly a truism, in my world, though possibly the most difficult thing for me to actually practice all the time. I tend to indulge my curmudgeon, and let my cynicism have its way with me while I’m typing, so it probably looks like I am a fairly judgmental person.

In reality, I am not. Fortunately for us all, life is not what I type, much as I try to get close to it when I do, so my darker impulses seldom get carried into practice in the world outside my computer. Besides, as I know just how dark that side of me is, I never go there, even in my writing; just being there makes me want to take a shower, and the hot water heater is on the fritz, so I’m reduced to sink baths for the nonce.

In truth, what is above is what I shoot for when I think of other people, and the world at large. Though not perfect, I am mostly successful, unless the object of my consideration is totally devoid of any reason to offer compassion, such as a politician. It is that compassion, actually, that prompts much of my outrage at what unprincipled people do to those who know them not for what they are.

Most people, as far as I can see, are just regular, nice folks who are trying to get by in a world where almost everything is set up to take advantage of regular, nice folks. As a result, over time, their own principles become degraded, as they try to cope with the cheating and greed that is the common practice in modern culture.

Our politicians lie to us; we expect it, and keep voting for them anyway. Banks cheat us, and we have no recourse in law, because the lawmakers are “honest politicians” and stay loyal to those who have bought them, those self-same banks. Lawyers, who should be a buffer between the average Joe and the law, instead use it to their own benefit, and are reviled, mostly, by those they are supposed to serve.

Doctors are in much the same condition; even those true healers among them still must go along with the system, charging such outrageous amounts, and surrendering so much power to the giant medical and pharmaceutical companies in order to be able to treat people, they can never effect any positive  changes. So, the field ends up attracting the worst sort of men and women, who are more interested in the money and fame to be attained than they are in helping other people, i.e., showing compassion….

Still, compassion is not dead in the world; there are still a lot of folks who not only feel it, but give it away freely. Many of them will read this piece, and I know this, because they all follow my blog here on WordPress, and I have proof of their existence, in their own writings, both on their blogs, and in their comments here….

A lot of compassion has been expressed to me for my pain, and for that I am truly grateful. Such is the power of compassion that receiving it like that only makes me want to show more of it in my life… and so I shall…. with the caveat that I will continue to withhold it from those who refuse to exhibit it themselves, whenever I encounter them….
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Today’s Pearl just goes to show that one never knows when there is a rant lurking just near the exit door in my mind, just waiting to pop out and pontificate…. But, it’s all good, as I don’t think I can disagree at all with any of it, upon reflection. It will just have to fly as is, once again, fatalist that I am….. Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…. Don’t forget the Duct Tape, either, it’s always handy to have around….


Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.

gigoid

Kowabunga!

5 thoughts on “It can only be cannon fodder….

  1. So much of your writing today was so touching, so sweetly poignant. I felt the tears coming more than once, and all I can say, really, is that you know you’re alive, really alive, when you feel deeply…and you do. The whole marriage, love, relationship part of your writing today is something probably most of us can relate to on a deeply emotional level. I can barely even go there, life’s trials in that area have been too painful, have cut too deep…but we survive, and we continue to love, and we continue to feel deeply and live. Thank you once again for sharing your thoughts and your words.

    • Carol… You’re welcome, and thank you too, for letting me see that I wrote it well… the section to which you refer was the surprise rant I was referring to at the end…

      I’ve been looking at that quote for days, over a week, actually, and didn’t want to write it, but, it was time. It’s probably the second time since my divorce was final that I’ve spoken of it aloud, so to speak. As you said, it is just too painful to go there, and open the still unhealed wounds. But today it felt right, and sure did feel good to get out…. So, so be it…. I’ll clean up the blood and tears, and get on with the day….

      Also, people like you continue to remind me that others walk down the same path in their lives, and it’s more than just nice to have such fine company, to remind me to be thankful for having survived, and to point out the beauty all around us…. especially the beauty of their (your..) company…. 🙂

  2. Duct Tape fixes anything, almost. What it won’t fix baling wire will. I once used duct tape to ‘fix’ the bumper on a friend’s jag.
    Then there was the brake caliper on my one ton truck that was fixed with a bolt and some baling wire. Couldn’t find the duct tape right then. 😉

    • Liz…. I once installed a clutch in a VW bus using baling wire, when the cable broke from the clutch pedal to the arm it moves… worked very well too… Having grown up around cattle ranches, once my Dad got out of the army, I’m very familiar with DT, baling wire, and rope… I can’t think of anything I haven’t been able to get to hold together using a combination of any of the 3….It’s not always pretty, but it hangs together as long as it needs to… I could have gone on forever in that vein, but thought I might save it for a future blog…. 🙂 Glad you enjoyed it! Take care, & Blessed Be, my friend…

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