Seven reasons to stop gargling, now….


Intros! We got your intros here! Get ’em while they’re HOT!…..

Hey, boy! Over here!….. Thanks….

Today, I decided to forgo the usual struggle for introductory material, and move right ahead to purchasing one from the local vendor, who hawks them on the corner every day…. I know the boy well; his mother is ill, and he works all the time to support his seven little brothers and sisters…. I like to help him out because, hey, he’s only five, and it must be tough to bed the eldest at his tender age; it’s pretty young to have to be responsible for the whole family….

What’s that? Oh, the number of siblings? Oh, yeah, I guess that could be confusing, couldn’t it…. No worries, it’s not as strange as it sounds…. Yes, he has seven siblings, and he’s the oldest, at five…. That’s two sets of triplets (one boys, one girls…) and one last little girl, to even out the score in the family…. all born about 13 months apart, before the father was killed in an accident at work…. (He fell into a vat of boiling hot caramel at the Mars factory….) The insurance, while almost adequate, isn’t enough to make it comfortable for them, so he works, as any good son would do for his family… He can use all the help he can get, so I like to pick up one of their intro’s (the triplet girls write them….), even if I don’t use it right away, like today….

Damn! You know what I just did, right? I’m writing an intro, about another intro, talking about intros, while holding on to an intro that was written by innocent hands….. This, with its insidiously tenuous connection to reality could be dangerous to the health and well-being of the space/time continuum as we know it…. To stretch the boundaries of reality to such an extent can cause unknown stress fractures to appear in strange places, and at strange times….. It can cause reality to become unstable, at best, or, if left to itself too long, can cause actual holes in the fabric of time and space, through which nasty creatures from other dimensions can creep over into ours, and cause a lot of problems until they’re caught and sent home…. Hey, what did YOU think those cats were staring at over in the corner?….

Since we don’t want any of that to happen today (I’m short on funds, and can’t afford the charges from the Green Lantern League to put things right after such an episode…. Blast it, I remember when superheros would work for free!….) But, nonetheless, that’s how we’ll have to go today, because the old bank account isn’t going to stand up to that kind of stress…. What we’ll do now is a bit hard to define, because, in these situations, we have to fall back on an emergency method to get us out of here without further damage…. We’ll go with #4, which, in spite of its brevity, and lack of style, continues to work the best…. but, then, Denial has always been one of mankind’s favorite tools….

Shall we Pearl?….

“Everything is in a state of metamorphosis. Thou thyself art in everlasting change and in corruption to correspond; so is the whole universe.” — Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD) — Meditations, ix, 19

Today’s Pearl, I’m thinking, is one that will someday be destined to be known as “that one”….. So be it….. I’m using an older religirant in section 3 today, because I can, and because I like it…. So, this section, naturally, will be an old-school pearl, but not a random harlequin…. Smart Bee keeps giving me good pearls about the BRC and their ilk, so, we’ll go with what we’re given, this time….

“Still one more thing, fellow citizens:  a wise and frugal government, which shall refrain men from injuring one another, which shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned.  This is the sum of good government.” — Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), inaugural address, 1801

“The white man is a stranger who comes in the night and takes from the land what he needs.   The earth is not his brother, but his enemy.  Continue to contaminate your bed and you will one night suffocate in your own waste.” — Chief Seattle in a letter to President Franklin Pierce in 1855

“The first measure of a free society is *not* that its government performs the will of the majority. We had that in 1930s Germany and in the South until the ’60s. The *first* measure of a free society is that its government protects the just freedoms of its minorities. The *majority* is quite capable of protecting itself.” — Jim Warren

“What good is it to me, after all, if there is an authority always busy to see to the tranquil enjoyment of my pleasures and going ahead to brush all dangers away from my path without giving me even the trouble to think about it, if that authority, which protects me from the smallest thorns on my journey, is also the absolute master of my liberty and of my life?” — Alexis de Tocqueville (1805-1859), Democracy in America

“A government solution to a problem is always followed by the creation of at  least two additional problems, either of which was worse than the original problem which the government set out to solve.” — Smart Bee

“And, after all, it is the 200th anniversary of the presidency. That’s something to celebrate. From George to George — in only 200 years, we’ve gone from “I cannot tell a lie” to “I cannot tell.” — A. Whitney Brown, “Weekend Update,” Saturday Night Live

“Give me the mind of a child of 4 and he’ll be mine for life” — Adolf Hitler

Since the two other sections are somewhat somber in nature, I thought a bit of whimsy would go over well….. Enjoy!….

There Once Was A Fellow Named Nash – A Limerick Ode To Ogden Nash

There once was a fellow named Nash
He could write funny poems in a flash
But some of the time
The truth of the rhyme
Could give the poor subject a rash!

~~ Randy Imwalle ~~

I Do, I Will, I Have

How wise I am to have instructed the butler
to instruct the first footman to instruct the second
footman to instruct the doorman to order my carriage;
I am about to volunteer a definition of marriage.

Just as I know that there are two Hagens, Walter and Copen,
I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered
into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut and a
woman who can’t sleep with the window open.

Moreover, just as I am unsure of the difference between
flora and fauna and flotsam and jetsam,
I am quite sure that marriage is the alliance of two people
one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgetsam,

And he refuses to believe there is a leak in the water pipe or
the gas pipe and she is convinced she is about to asphyxiate or drown,
And she says Quick get up and get my hairbrushes off the
windowsill, it’s raining in, and he replies Oh they’re all right, it’s only raining straight down.

That is why marriage is so much more interesting than divorce,
Because it’s the only known example of the happy meeting of
the immovable object and the irresistible force.
So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and
combat over everything debatable and combatable,
Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life, particularly if he has income and she is pattable.

~~ Ogden Nash ~~


This is a pearl from February of 2013:

“The essence of Christianity is told us in the Garden of Eden history. The fruit that was forbidden was on the tree of knowledge. The subtext is, All the suffering you have is because you wanted to find out what was going on. You could be in the Garden of Eden if you had just keep your fucking mouth shut and hadn’t asked any questions.” — Frank Zappa Playboy Interview, April 1993

Hmm…. Frank’s take on matters are such that I generally find myself in complete agreement with what he says. Here, he has again put his finger on one of the more obvious facets of Christianity, one that defies all logical explanation in lieu of subservient belief, to wit: faith vs. knowledge, and the Christian’s unfortunate tendency to embrace the former, without any appeal to the latter….. To my way of thinking, that is not only foolish, but cowardly….. but, perhaps, that’s just me….

The fruit of the tree of knowledge gives mankind the go-ahead to use the brain with which we were furnished at birth; the preachers would have us abrogate that use, having us, instead, give over all our power of belief into the hands of the faithful, who, naturally, have only our best interests at heart….. Sure they do…. NOT. I’m sorry, but, no matter how many times these folks say so, I am not going to accept that they know better than I what is best for me…. Nope, not even if there were twenty Bibles out there, all proclaiming how true they are…. Oh wait, there are twenty of them, aren’t there?…. Oh, well, you know what I meant….

Why do people fall for this? I cannot understand how people, who are normally reasonably intelligent, will, by conscious choice, bury their heads in the sand to buy into this, without ever taking even one moment to examine any of it for truth, or even logical assumption. Is there some kind of mind-control drug in that incense? Maybe in the sacramental wine…. Whatever it is, it turns normally competent, intelligent people into mindless slaves, and does so with their complete agreement and approval….. To my mind, it is one of history’s saddest, most incomprehensible features, when I look at just how easily people fall for such egregious, and so obviously self-serving idiocy, as most of the dogmatic proclamations of the major religions tend to offer up.

“I hope I never get so old I get religious.” — Ingmar Bergman

I am compelled to add, “Me, too!” to this sentiment…. In the recent past, I’ve been taking a lot of shots at religions, and need to make clear that I do not hate Christians, or Buddhists, or Muslims, or the followers of any religion. I think they are being silly, deliberately and evilly so, at worst, or at best, misguidedly so, but I don’t hate, or fear them, as is the case on their part whenever they consider me, or my criticisms of their beliefs. I don’t hold that against them, either, as it is logically consistent for them to do so, given the limitations of their dogmatic position. Since, however, the fervor with which they will often defend their position can reach a rather fevered pitch, I tend to treat many of them like a stinging insect, so I will move, and speak, slowly and carefully, so as not to frighten them more than they already are….

Ethical and moral behavior is not confined to those who follow the precepts of one religion or another, despite what any of the proponents of those religions will try to tell you.  In fact, if you look closely, the number of folks who are believers have a much higher percentage of failure in that area than do the non-believers, which only makes sense…. The believers all have a sense of entitlement that gives them the idea that the rules of behavior don’t always apply to them, in terms of how they treat people who are not of the same faith, so, to those who are not of their own sect, they don’t bother being truthful, or honest, or ethical, as those people don’t count, in their eyes. People who make their own moral codes tend to follow them, and are much more tolerant of those who do not share their beliefs.

Basic human nature dictates these responses in people; thus, one can see how dangerous it is to remain ignorant, in the Biblical sense. Those who choose to buy into the myth of the Garden of Eden, giving up all their personal independence of mind for the comfort and safety of dogma, will always fail to act according to their own morality much of the time, generally acting, instead, out of their sense of entitlement, and the belief that all of their sins will be forgiven, merely by the act of confessing them. Only those who consciously choose their moral code have the courage to act it out, it seems, except for those few people who actually try to live according to the morality that is espoused, and is seldom embraced by their less ethical peers.

Having the strength of mind to make one’s own moral code also implies the courage to act it out…. This is why I choose to deny the dogma I’ve been exposed to all my life, as being illogical, and, ultimately, immoral…. It makes more sense to me to make my own decisions on such matters, and tell the busybodies who assume they know best for all to go jump in a lake…. Even better, just shut the hell up, and get out of the way, so the rest of us can get something relevant done, without having to put up with all the nonsense from that quarter….

“What is a church? Our honest sexton tells, ‘Tis a tall building, with a tower and bells.” — Crabbe

Note from 2014: Since the validity of the above remains strong, I leave you with the following pearl, to finish off this discussion with the proper tone of accusation, and indictment, of those guilty of this sort of crime against humanity….

“The impression somehow prevails that the true believer, particularly the religious individual, is a humble person. The truth is that the surrendering and humbling of the self breeds pride and arrogance.” — Eric Hoffer

“The Earth is degenerating these days. Bribery and corruption abound.  Children no longer mind their parents, every man wants to write a book, and it is evident that the end of the world is fast approaching.” — Assyrian Stone Tablet, c.2800BC

4814 years….. That’s how long it has been since that tablet was written…. One wonders, at times, just how much credence there is to the idea that strong forces in history will somehow have been felt long before they came to fruition…. How else to explain the proven cases of accurate precognition that are found throughout our species’ short span on Earth? This tablet could have been printed yesterday, and would be no less valid than it was over 4500 years ago….. That is, to me, pretty damn scary, and not terribly encouraging…. Of course, I’m a worry-wart, so…. Y’all stay cool, ffolkes, & I’ll see you tomorrow….

Y’all take care out there,
and May the Metaphorse be with you;
Blessed Be, dearest  Carole, Mark, and Theresa…
and everyone else, too…

When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.

Which is Why….

Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.



1 thought on “Seven reasons to stop gargling, now….

  1. S__t, s__t, s__t! Wouldn’t you know, my quick proof today would come back to bite me…. In the first paragraph of the intro, which actually begins on line 3, the final line should read “be the eldest”, not “BED the eldest”…. SIGH….. Imagine, if you will, my face, with a large, red, bulbous nose, making a loud “HONK!”….. 😳 Oh, well, I suppose now I’ll HAVE to accept being human…. but, only because reality insists….

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