Just sittin’ around….

“Living here in limbo”….. I know just how that feels, even if I can’t remember the song that line came from; I’ve only heard it in snatches on the radio, and may never have known…. but, I still know how it feels. It feels cruddy…. Now, there’s a word you don’t see too often. Short, precise, and descriptive, a perfect little adjective; gotta love that. Where would we be without our adjectives, eh?  Instead of knowing exactly, we’d only be able to tell in a general way… e.g. “up a creek without a paddle” instead of “up s___t creek without a paddle”.  The second just tells you more, doesn’t it? This works especially well to describe our emotional states, and “cruddy” is a scientifically acceptable term for such expressions…. I know, I’m a scientist…. really, I am…. No, really…..

Is this schizoid paranoia or just existential blues? — Smart Bee

I’m going to make a command decision here; this is existential blues, not schizoid paranoia. Though outwardly the difference may be difficult to ascertain, I’m convinced it’s the blues, if only because I don’t feel persecuted, just bluesy….. which may or may not be a word….. spell checker likes it, which makes me think I’ve used it before….. Any who, yesterday was a tough day, (which you will be able to see clearly in the second, poetry section below…), and I’m glad it’s a new day.

I can forget all about the massive pity party given in my head for me to wallow in, as well as the breakthrough pain I felt for much of the day. The pain is better this morning, and the rest of whatever it was my subconscious was chewing on is now just a memory. I don’t know if my subconscious resolved anything, but at least it’s not forefront in my brain, and I feel as if I can get through the day without bursting into tears periodically, as happened yesterday, for no apparent reason…. Damn this PTSD!….

Ah well, as I said, it seems to have passed on for now, so we’ll take small favors, and run with them…. Shall we Pearl?…..

When I consider life, ‘t is all a cheat.
Yet fool’d with hope, men favour the deceit;
Trust on, and think to-morrow will repay.
To-morrow ‘s falser than the former day;
Lies worse, and while it says we shall be blest
With some new joys, cuts off what we possest.
Strange cozenage! none would live past years again,
Yet all hope pleasure in what yet remain;
And from the dregs of life think to receive
What the first sprightly running could not give.

— John Dryden (1631-1700) — Aurengzebe, Act iv, Sc. 1

Strangely, as I read this, my immediate reaction was to comment to myself how much the first half of it reminded me of the political scene here in America, 59 or so days ahead of the Presidential election in November…. probably has to do with all the talk about lies, and men favoring deceit…. It fits right in with the Republican approach, which seems to center around picking something the President has done, or not done, and then making up a lie about it (like the whole “716 billion dollars” supposedly taken from Medicare by President Obama; this was pointed out as a lie the first time it was proposed….). It amazes me that even after being told that they are lying, they continue to repeat it, as if repetition will make it change from false to true. It’s almost shark-like in the lack of learning ability it displays…..

This isn’t to say the Democrats are totally absolved from the truth stretching behaviors; they just don’t need to do so right now, since the other party seems to be shooting itself in the foot with every statement either of the candidates releases. It’s almost as if both Romney and Ryan have this picture in their heads of how they’d like to run things, and assume that constant repetition of false information will make that vision come true.

It is true that they have fooled a lot of ignorant folks into believing that what they say has better chances than a snowball in Hell, but no matter how many times they repeat their nonsense, reality continues to refuse to change for them…. In a way, it is rather pathetic, as they try and try to convince enough people they are viable candidates, and fail miserably at every turn….

Ah well, it should be an interesting two months, to be sure…… Just be sure to pick a side and vote, ffolkes…. otherwise, you have no right to complain….  and, please, vote from your reasoning center, not your prejudice center…. if you know the difference….

Gauges of Pain

Consciousness devolves in pools of gripping fears
holding hostage any hope of serenity,
sharp stabbing motions and greedy tears,
nary a moment passes without common calamity.

Always a surprise, nothing soothing ever found,
leaving only breathless clinging pain,
salvation seemingly absent, muffling all sound,
bringing ever more sadness and rain.

Solitude is ever present to claim my time,
lonely hours and relentlessly long days,
no radio plays such music in secular rhyme
happy, vibrant voices belong to elder ways.

Life can be justified it seems to say,
by hopeful favored moments of pleasure,
seemingly friendly, pointing out the only way,
to bring back happiness in minimal measure.

Days of horror and embarrassing tears
serve ever to drive wretched hours to withhold
promising naught but sorrow in coming years,
black, bitter memories that never grow old.

Cold, cold, the days fly by,
can it really be our only token?
Never to say, or know just why
the pain never stops, even when spoken…

~~ gigoid

(No, yesterday was NOT a good day…. why do you ask? Does it show?…..)

“The superior man is the providence of the inferior. He is eyes for the blind, strength for the weak, and a shield for the defenseless. He stands erect by bending above the fallen. He rises by lifting others.” — Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)

I like this statement…. Even though I might use another descriptive adjective than the word “superior”, this gives one the correct idea about what I would term a righteous man, or a gentleman, or, most correctly, an ethical man. “He rises by lifting others”  What a beautiful sentiment, and one that has its roots firmly embedded in truth. Every philosophy and religious system of morals I’ve seen agrees with this; men are made better by giving of themselves to those less fortunate. Giving one’s own time and resources over to helping others is an action that not only improves our standing in the eyes of men and gods, but allows us to have a good enough opinion of ourselves to be able to sleep well at night, untroubled by regrets or fears.

Unfortunately, there are many men, and women, who only give lip service to this concept. Though they will parrot the words, they really have no intention of giving anything away without a price; not help, nor food, nor money, nor any other resource, and certainly not on their own time. In fact, these kinds of folks are part of the reason that so many people need help; the actions of selfish people against their peers becomes one of life’s worst dangers, as it mimics and mirrors all the harm that the indifferent universe gives everyone who lives. These people make it harder for others to deal with those moments in life, as everything they do sucks positive energy from the weak and helpless; enough bad things happen naturally, but these people make those events even worse, because they have the ability to help, and do not…..

One might ask why I bother to rant about these folks, as they are merely expressing one side of human nature, and one cannot change that nature from the outside. In that sense, I cannot really say why I continue to do so; I know there is little chance of what I’m saying will have a tangible positive effect on reality. I suppose it is my way of trying to counteract the negative impact of those people. They aren’t going to be reading this stuff anyway; most folks who act that way are NOT big readers, if you catch my drift.

But, I look at it like this…. other than verbally, there isn’t much I can do to help a lot of people having trouble. My current level of resources is severely limited…. but, I can write about it, and try to make other people aware, and maybe, just maybe, they will take a moment to help someone, or they will goad someone else into helping…. Anything positive helps the universe, if in no other way than acting as a counter-balance to the negativity of those who go through life taking from others, rather than giving of themselves…. All you can do is all you can do, so get going and do it!…..  🙂

I just realized that today is supposed to be a big day in this country, as the anniversary of the terrorist attacks back in ’01… However, I don’t believe in giving any of my terror to terrorists, and only view that day as another example of the power of human cupidity, one more in a long series of such egregiously ignorant and selfish human acts of violence upon their fellow man. Paying it special attention is, to me, giving them more importance than they are due, so, I don’t….

Today’s effort isn’t one of my best, perhaps…. maybe it WAS schizoid paranoia, and not just the blues? Ah well, too late now; I’m not doing it over…. It will have to fly, ready or not…..  Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..

Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.




2 thoughts on “Just sittin’ around….

  1. It ‘flew’ very well, Ned… 🙂
    Pain, the blues; sometimes stuff happens… You’ve been through quite an upheaval recently; enough to make any little bird weak…
    Here’s to strength, my friend… 😉

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