Down the slalom with the Elven King….


Please Note: Any mental functions attempted in this area must be re-evaluated during a subsequent period. It has been discovered that standard logic works sideways in this area due to the influence of the occupant. — Smart Bee

Since this is mostly true, I decided it should be included today, before starting, with the addendum of this: logic may not only work sideways in this space, it may be wrestled to the floor and tormented beforehand, in order to keep it in the properly reserved state of activity. It is a useful tool, but tends to get pushy, and start to think it is infallible, so it must be firmly conditioned to rein itself in at the first sign of any such usurpation. Just thought you should know, so you don’t accidentally cut yourself on Occam’s Razor, which has a tendency to show itself at unexpected moments….   🙂

In this paragraph, you will find this morning’s real beginning…. The above was written last night, as that is when I found the disclaimer; it’s still the right opening for today, but, I thought I’d create a bit of early confusion, and reverse polarity, thereby switching the North pole gravitational pull to the South pole, and vice versa. Of course, the two pull gradients are identical, so you can’t tell the difference without instruments, but, hey, I’ll know….

Well, it’s obvious to me, if not to y’all, that I’ve gone ’round the bend. The waiting has finally tipped me over the edge into insanity, and now I’ve got y’all worried and upset. That may be because now you’re wondering how that will affect the Pearl(s)…… Have no fears, dears. It shouldn’t show at all…. I”m always insane, so there won’t be any significant changes to the tone or the depth of the material I produce. Hah!  Fooled ya!…..

As you can also see, I’m resorting to cliches and old methods of distraction, to try to force your minds into the mold necessary for today’s journey into the bizarre corners of gigoid’s brain. It may seem like a cheap imitation, or like I’m disrespecting y’all, but, believe me, it is for your own protection. These old methods are very stable, and help to form a protective layer around you, of a material that is the opposite of bozone, so you are safe from flying weirdnesses and random enthusiasms…. Bozone? Oh…. here’s the definition….

Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. — Smart Bee

As the dedicated scientist I am, I developed an opposite substance to the bozone, one that enhances one’s ability to absorb bright ideas, and I use it freely around here, when needed. Today, it is certainly needed, as the weird and strange are falling like rain, and my own head is firmly entrenched in some sort of odd state where nothing is real for long, and only a constant prattle will stave off the bad things that can happen. Not that prattle is unknown here….

I guess I’ve probably scared y’all enough, and we should get on with the normal (hah!) state of affairs here on ECR. Upon looking above, I KNOW it is time to get on with it…. Shall we Pearl?….

20. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

— Instructions for life

Smart Bee puts out these little instructions every once in a while, and most of them are pretty good ideas. Both of these strike a chord in me that harmonizes with my own experience, so they make a good little start for this section, and a cogent, potentially productive pearl…..

One of the first of these I saw was Instruction #1, which reads, “Always give more than is expected, and do it cheerfully!” Now, if that isn’t good advice for success in living, I don’t know what is. It is something my own parents taught me and my siblings without ever saying a word about it. Some people in life know these rules, but many don’t; I was fortunate, as my folks did. This little piece of advice is what pushed me to become a good student, to learn all I could in school, and it is the most useful tool for school that I know of, for it provides a reason, and a method, to seek and achieve excellence in school, or anywhere, for that matter.

#20 above is a concept, and a  habit, my father made clear his entire life, and he passed that philosophy on to his sons, for sure. (I can’t speak so much for my sisters…. one left home when I was six to marry, so I’ve never known her well, and the other became estranged many years ago, for many sad reasons….) I can’t speak for my brothers, even though I know they got the message, but this particular little idea has helped me countless times in my life, both to minimize the effects of a mistake, and to repair those effects. It is also a technique that other people note in us, one that increases trust and goodwill. One can’t possibly have too many ways to do that….

#21 This one is subtle, but effective. What it says is absolutely true; the caller will know when you smile, and I would guess that in 99% of all calls, the caller will immediately return the smile, as well as soften whatever tone they intended to use. I’ve actually seen it happen to others when speaking on the phone; you can tell when the other end is a happy person, as the one they are speaking to lights up in turn, eyes widening, lips curling, and words becoming more lighthearted. I’ve also experienced the feeling of hearing someone smile at me over the phone, and let me tell you, nothing feels better, especially if the person you call is important to you….

I could spend a long time laying out the ways these rules can help one achieve the kind of serenity in life that we all seek, but, they are really just as effective just by themselves, without any enhancement (if one could describe what I say as such….), so I’ll leave it here. As Smart Bee reveals more of these little gems, I’ll share them, because they are good to have handy…..

Listen to the MUSTN’TS child,
Listen to the DON’TS
Listen to the SHOULDN’TS
Listen to the NEVER HAVE’S
Then listen close to me-
Anything can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be.

— Shel Silverstein

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again
I shall not live in vain.

~~ Emily Dickinson

Yesterday, at the library, I found a book of the collected works of Emily Dickinson, and I am in heaven! For the next few weeks, I’ll be picking out the best of what I find there to share. I regard Emily as arguably the best poet that ever lived, and can only feel happy that she left 1775 verses of what she termed her “letter to the world”. Already, I’ve been impressed and astonished all over again by the depth of insight she possessed, and by the simple clarity of her poems, and look forward to reading every one of those poems before returning the book…. Hopefully, you will appreciate what I share with you as much as I do…. except for Shawna, who can’t get into Emily…. S’okay Shawna, I’ll have other stuff, too…. Enjoy!….

One day a gate breaks down between heaven and hell. So St. Peter arrives on the scene and calls out for the devil.

And the devil saunters over and says, “What do you want?”

And St. Peter says, “Satan, it’s your turn to fix it this time.”

And the devil says, “I’m sorry. But my men are too busy to worry about fixing a mere gate.”

And St. Peter says, “Well, then, I’ll have to sue you for breaking our agreement.”

And the devil says, “Oh yeah? Where are you going to get a lawyer?”

— Soupy Sales

It occurs to me, Soapy’s next line from St. Peter would have to be…. “I don’t need one, I’ve got a fix in with the judge….”  That would give not only balance to the argument, but would accurately reflect the actual level of corruption implied in the picture of the universe painted by the Judeo-Christian model of religion. It would also probably more closely reflect Soapy’s sense of humor, which was much more pointed than he got credit for…. People just thought he was a little strange sometimes, not recognizing lines that were making active fun of the establishment (as we old hippies were wont to call the mainstream of American society…..).

In reality, this joke is another example of the bad press that the Devil always gets; it isn’t often you’ll see a joke that ends up with Satan coming out on top. No, he is always given the role of the asshole, the manipulator, the one who wants to drag us down into Hell for eternal torment. Everyone seems to forget that they have ascribed omnipotence, and omniscience to God, and that He is the one who a) made the Devil the way he is, and b) could change it if he wished…. which seems to indicate that he DOESN’T wish to rid us of Satan, but prefers he be around to tempt and distract us…. That sounds to me like just a bit of manipulation in itself; how ’bout y’all?….

The preachers would have us believe that God allows Satan to exist out of his sheer benevolence, forgetting this is the same God who, in the Old Testament, sent forty bears to a town to kill all the children, just because a few small boys made fun of one of His prophets. He is also the one who threw Satan out of Heaven for objecting to some of what He had done on Earth, then turned around and allowed him free access to us humans, just so He would have a ready-made way to test us at His convenience. Just a little self-serving, don’t you think? This God, to my way of thinking, acts more like a spoiled little kid than a deity capable of creating universes…..

Okay, I’ll quit now. It’s really too easy to shoot at dogma; it never tries to hide, and just stands there, looking dumb, as you sight in on its forehead. But, hey, it’s a necessary job, and somebody’s got to do it…. Boy, it sure would be nice, though, to see humanity grow up, and learn to face reality without crutches, and without having to invent a supernatural being to explain away the stuff that isn’t clearly understood…. But, I guess it is job security, in that sense, because it means I’ll always have something about which to write….

“I’m RELIGIOUS!!  I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! Equip me with MISSILES!!” — Zippy the Pinhead

I was right to give warning in the intro…. without it, this could conceivably create some serious psychopathy among the readership, and who knows how many lawsuits? Thank goodness for disclaimers, eh? All in all, I’m happy with it, though. If nothing else, it shares the primary characteristic of any good Pearl, to wit: it is done. Caveat emptor, as they say…. whatever that means. I’m heading off into the Big Blue Room in a while, so I’ll leave this now, and hope it flies as well as it crawls….. Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..

Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.



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