Some lessons are more painful than others….

Ffolkes,
As much as I enjoy these morning interludes with the blogging world, there is still a certain degree of fear that goes along with publishing one’s own writing for others to read. One is, after all, exposing the inner self to the world, which, historically, has a habit of treating inner selves rather shabbily, or even cruelly, especially when they are shown for the first time, and often thereafter. It’s perhaps the biggest risk we take by deciding to share our thoughts with the world at large, a risk that is very real, and anyone with less than military grade armor protecting their ego is in serious jeopardy….

My own fear is no match for my ego, though, never has been, so it’s never been an issue for me…. I couldn’t wait to start blogging, as I’ve had stuff to say about life and society for many years, with no outlet for my outrage, or my angst, or my decidedly odd sense of humor. Once I was retired, and discovered that I had all the time I wanted to write, I jumped in without any discernible hesitation, taking to it like a duck takes to water….. but, happily, without the water all over my butt…..Β  πŸ™‚

Then, of course, Murphy came to live with me, as he found his perfect target in my attempted routines, my attempted regular posts, my attempted sleep, and all the other parts of life that he found he could so easily distort and pervert, such that I never know where the next conundrum will surface. I seem to be a fertile field for his machinations, and ever since, oh, a week or so into this time period, since I began blogging, he has made it his life’s work to find a new way to fuck with me, EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY!!! If it weren’t such a pain in the ass, I might feel special (cue Gilda Radner’s Church Lady voice for that last word….).

I didn’t mind so much, until the wearisome events surrounding living in poverty began to mount up into a mass that even my well-buried depression couldn’t keep hidden, and my PTSD became a daily issue, with the advent of unpredictable emotional storms, causing me to burst into tears at the slightest stress, or the thought of any stressful concept…… Concepts of a stressful nature….. yeah….

Such as when I found out yesterday that my older brother has been diagnosed with lymphatic cancer, and has decided not to take the treatments that might extend his life, to save his family from financial ruin…. It’s a decision that isn’t surprising; our father made the same one.

But, the butthead might have informed his brother(s) of it, so he(they) didn’t have to find out when he called to wish a happy birthday….. (Actually, I don’t know if he told my “little” brother…. if he did, and he didn’t call me, either of them, I’m afraid we are going to have to exchange a few words…. They may need to be reminded of who they are dealing with, and the proper protocols needed to keep from getting their sorry asses kicked…. I may be old, and getting feeble, but, I am still their brother, and I can still be dangerous when aroused….)

As you might guess, this little revelation has thrown me for a bit of a loop, and I don’t really even know how I feel, other than tearfully sad, fearfully mad, and a hundred other powerful emotions I can’t even name. So tearful, a break is needed, to get rid of some annoying fluid build-up that is common when I cry….. I’ll be back…. Okay, well, that didn’t work out so well….

I’m going to have to resort to more emergency procedures today, in order to get this Pearl done. I don’t know why, exactly, but it seems important to do so today. So, in sections one and three, where there would normally be a rant or two, I’m going old school, because that’s all I can do for now. I’ll do my best to make them potent pearls, even though they won’t be as floridly original, or as clear, I’m sure. At this point, enough emotion is swirling around inside me that a poem may just break out in section two, but, if not, I’ll find something sufficiently compelling in a more classical selection, if I can hold it together that long…..

I’m going to go for a dive now, and see if I can drown a bit of this sorrow in knowledge…. I have hopes, because aphorisms have always been a source of comfort to me in times of need…. So, I’ll stop torturing y’all now, and get on with it…. Shall we Pearl?….

“When you get older you have to be careful about always saying, “ThingsΒ  aren’t as good as they used to be.” But it’s hard not to.” — Andy Rooney
(I don’t much like Andy Rooney, but even a blind dog can find a bone some days….)

— Bother! said Pooh, on his deathbed.
__________________________________

I was a bit nervous as to how this might turn out, given my state of mind, or lack thereof, but, Smart Bee seems to be in a compassionate mood, for a software program, anyway, so maybe it will all be okay….. Here are five pearls, each with their own message for the world to consider….. I particularly like the first one, and the last, and they DO help the pearl make its point…. That point’s a bit subtle, even for me, but, it’s there, if you wish to look for it, and it’s not bad….

“If you have an important point to make, don’t try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time–a tremendous whack.” — Sir Winston Churchill

“A time to be born; a time to die.” — Ecclesiastes 3:2

“Allow your children to face the consequences of their actions.” — Brown

“If you ever feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: First, calm down; second, come over and wash my car; third, shine all my shoes.Β  There, isn’t that better?” — Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey

“If possible, try to find a way to come downstairs that doesn’t involve going bump, bump, bump, on the back of your head. -” — Pooh in Winnie the Pooh A.A. Milne, English author (1882-1956)

See? As I’ve been known to say previously, it’s all in the wrist….
__________________________________

What I said above about Smart Bee’s apparent empathy today seems to be accurate…. When considering poetry to fill this space today, after determining there is no poem of my own ready to come out, it showed me an excerpt from a Yeats poem, which prompted me to go find these two gems, both of which fit my mood today, as well as the apparent theme, obviously chosen by Reality…. Enjoy!…

A Friend’s Illness

SICKNESS brought me this
Thought, in that scale of his:
Why should I be dismayed
Though flame had burned the whole
World, as it were a coal,
Now I have seen it weighed
Against a soul?

William Butler Yeats

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Dream Of Death

I DREAMED that one had died in a strange place
Near no accustomed hand,
And they had nailed the boards above her face,
The peasants of that land,
Wondering to lay her in that solitude,
And raised above her mound
A cross they had made out of two bits of wood,
And planted cypress round;
And left her to the indifferent stars above
Until I carved these words:
{She was more beautiful than thy first love,}
{But now lies under boards.}

William Butler Yeats
__________________________________

Here is a seven star pearl for your perusal, as a finish to today’s effortful outpouring of confusion…. Smart Bee was again very cooperative, giving up this group in less than forty clicks, an astounding rate of success, especially given how it has performed already today. One could get the impression that it was AI software, and was reacting with compassion to my pained mental static….. Lest that be untrue, or, in case it is, I’ll not suggest otherwise…

Meantime, here are seven pearls, that just fall together into an attractive shape, no matter which way you jumble them up…. enjoy! Should it be necessary, there are cleaning solutions and tools in the cabinet by the pantry, including items to clean your clothing, in the event of spills or splashes…. We’re big on safety here, but, Life can be dangerous, especially when dealing with ideas…. unpredictable little buggers…. Why, I’ve seen them jump right out of a frying pan, into a fire…. imagine that!….

“What UNIVERSE is this, please??” — Zippy the Pinhead

“Two wrongs are only the beginning.” — Kohn’s Corollary to Murphy’s Law

“To get really high is to forget yourself.Β  And to forget yourself is to see everything else.Β  And to see everything else is to become an understanding molecule in evolution, a conscious tool of the universe.Β  And I think every human being should be a conscious tool of the universe.Β  That’s why I think it’s important to get high.Β  I’m not talking about unconscious or zonked out. I’m talking about being fully conscious.” — Jerry Garcia

One ship drives east and the other drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
‘Tis the set of the sails and not the gales
Which tells us the way to go.

— Ella Wheeler Wilcox, Winds of Fate

“The only use of a knowledge of the past is to equip us for the present. The present contains all that there is. It is holy ground; for it is the past, and it is the future.” — Alfred North Whitehead

“Those who will not reason, perish in the act.Β  Those who will not act, perish for that reason.” — W. H. Auden, _Shorts_

Lastly, a perfect find for today…. The counter-curse to the one I received long ago, when the ancient Chinese gentleman said to me, “May you have an interesting life.”….. Now all I have to do is find a competent, relatively cheap, er, inexpensive necromancer to say it to me….

“May you live in uninteresting times.” — Smart Bee
__________________________________

I can’t speak to how today’s effort has been for y’all, but, it has helped me a lot, to regain enough composure to get the rest of the way through the day. The process of creating a Pearl has always been therapeutic, (a big part of why I started in the first place….), and today has served to solidify that characteristic for me…. My only remaining hope is that I haven’t bored anyone to their own tears, or offended anyone enough to lose them in the process, but, that’s always a gamble in this universe, so….

In looking back over this, I have to say, it came out pretty well, all things considered…. Now comes the tough part…. Reality awaits me, outside the door, and I can’t ignore its call this time…. Ah well, such is life…. it goes on, with or without our approval or cooperation, so I may as well try to enjoy the ride while it lasts, for, as the Scots say, I’ll be a long time dead….Β  Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..


Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.

gigoid

dozer3

14 thoughts on “Some lessons are more painful than others….

  1. A great post my friend despite how you must be feeling…I am so sorry to hear your news about your brother…there are no helpful words I can offer that will make you feel better, but I will send you a great big supportive Wolfie hug πŸ™‚ (They’re quite theraputic and a furry wolf giving you a big hug isn’t so bad for the well-being πŸ˜‰ )
    Stay strong…I am thinking of you πŸ™‚

    • Wolfie…. Thank you, for the hug, and for the kind words and support… I’m surprised a bit that I was able to get this post done; I must have been on automatic. My database, Smart Bee, helped out by having the necessary quotes in the queue for me to find when I needed them…. and you can never go wrong with Yeats, in my mind….

      I’m still processing the news about my brother, I think, because I feel kind of numb….I’m sure that I’ll feel it later, but for now, I’m hanging tough, as it were…. but, it is a very good feeling indeed to know that there are people out there who have the compassion so needed by the world, and can share it with those in need…. Thanks again, my dear…. you’re a true lady…. wolf…. πŸ™‚

      Blessed Be….

      • You did a great job with this post and it shows your strength of character and determination in the face of great and painful adversity. I’m sure you will go through a whole myriad of emotions but that’s all part of the process. And Wolfie is only a paw pad away πŸ˜‰

        • Milady wolf…. I’m glad you enjoyed the post; this blog has saved my sanity, or what’s left of it, many times in the past couple years, and never more than today. I also really appreciate your compassion; as I said in another comment, you are a true lady wolf in that respect, with your sense of loyalty and protectiveness. I’m happy to be a pack mate…. πŸ™‚ Believe me, I’ve been called worse….. πŸ˜‰

          You’ll see from today’s (2/22//13)(oh, wait, you’re in Europe.. today is 22/2/13….) Pearl that I’ve found my center again, or at least have it in view, but, you are right, it isn’t over yet, and there is much yet to be lived, but, I will do so now knowing I have a new friend…. and that feels great!

  2. Terribly sorry to hear about your brother, Ned. I’ve always been awkward when faced with such news from people I know. So pardon me. But I do pray – alot – and shall keep this in my prayer.

    Not smart alec stuff from me today, I’m afraid.

    I just need to have a cup of coffee.

    — Eric

    Gasp! I can’t believe I said that!

    • Gasp! I can’t believe it either…. you MUST be upset!

      All kidding aside, thank you for your kind words… I don’t really know right now how to feel, but I know I feel bad; this was something of a surprise, as my brother has foolishly been trying to hide it from his siblings. I understand his reluctance to share it, but, as his only sibling out of five with any sense I can’t let him get away with it…. That’s a joke, too, though I don’t need to worry that any of them will see it…. I’m joking a lot, and probably don’t even have to explain why…. and now I”m starting to babble, so I’ll let you get on with your evening….

      Thanks again, Eric…. I’ll be okay, but I appreciate it a lot when I am shown compassion, especially from a “brother from another mother”…. πŸ™‚

      Take care, my friend….

    • ecofinalalysis…. Thank you, for the kind words, and the support…. I’m glad your loved one survived; many don’t, and all who have it, and those who love them, feel the pain…. and Life goes on…. still beautiful, but a bit sadder… thanks, again.. it’s appreciated…

  3. Thanks to Eric I found your blog, must link Murphy up with Fictitious Clancy might just go well together!! (my blog) sorry to read about your brother I can empsthise as our family have also been hit, is there a family out there that has escaped? I doubt it.
    On a lighter note and to conclude – Something about cupboards; make skeletons terribly restless. Anon Y. Mous.

    • If you can persuade Murphy, who is NOT mine, to come over to your blog and hook up with Clancy (whom I didn’t find in my first perusal of your site), you are welcome to him, as I’ve certainly had my share and more of his attentions… I’m sure you’ve heard of Murphy’s Law, and know it to be a force of nature; well, that is the Murphy to whom I refer…. so, you are welcome to him… Hell, I’ll take Clancy, sight unseen, if you’ll keep him….

      Aye, no family escapes, indeed…. I know this for a fact, as my own father passed of cancer, the wife of my friend of 53 years is fighting it, another classmate from high school is fighting it, and a third passed of it last year…. Now, sadly, my brother is the first of my own sibs to be hit, so, it’s a bit of a facer, what? I’ve found my center, but, it shook me…

      After reading your poems (well, 2 of them), you might enjoy the one I wrote for today’s Pearl, for 2/22/13…. I don’t know if you always rhyme, but, I enjoy the discipline it requires, and yours are very good, to my taste…. Friendly and accessible, I thought…. The one about the public argument was very real, stark, and yet sensitively sensible…

      Any who, as usual, I’m rambling… thanks for the comment, and welcome back any time… Take care, & Blessed Be….

      • The Bic C took my father back in 89 also, one would be lucky to escape. Off now to check in on the happenings in blog land, thanks for the follow, be in touch across the WordPress pages.

  4. Oh what a very sad news about your brother… I’m sorry about this Ned… Let’s just all pray for him.
    And you’re right and I agree with you when you said, “to enjoy the ride while it lasts”. πŸ™‚
    Also try this mantra everyday “Joy, Peace, Smile, Love”… it’s very good too πŸ™‚

    Take care Ned! xoxo

  5. Reblogged this on gigoid and commented:

    Ffolkes,

    I’d hoped to have a fresh Pearl done for this morning, but, oops…. A partially leaked new poem, and some recalcitrance from SB kept that from happening, so, here is an old one, from way back in 2012, on a stressful day when I used the computer and writing to keep from killing anything, or anyone. It apparently worked, so, I’m offering it up as sacrificial sublimation today, when my stress comes from other places, with not much less force, I must say. Nonetheless, I shall use some force of will myself, & have a fresh Pearl done for tomorrow morning. I hope, by then, I still have some readers left…. Only two of the regulars who are still dropping in saw this one back in ’12, so, if anyone stops by, at least they’ll find something they haven’t seen. I’ll be back, that’s neither threat , nor promise, but, fact…. Be well, & happy as you may….

    gigoid, the dubious

    😎

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