If we must, we can use the anchovy paste….

Now, this is scary…. I never knew that a mere blank, white screen could hold so much fear….. Not only is the screen blank, so is my head, and time is passing. It’s already after 0800, due to being up until 0100 for some unknown reason, and not arising until after 0700….. No big deal, but throws me off a bit to have my schedule change again, willy nilly, just because my head wouldn’t shut up last night…..

Then, of course, there is the problem of this morning’s Pearl…. Once more, I’m completely at a loss as to how I should get going…. no fictional scenarios are floating around in there, and my sense of humor doesn’t seem to be awake quite yet, despite the rest of me being up and about, just as if I were normal….. which, as we all know, just isn’t the case….. I left that unfortunate state behind me, a long way in the past, and haven’t seen hide nor hair of it since, oh, 1958 or so…..

“We have met the enemy and they are us and you are me and we are all together.” — Walt Kelly, Lennon, and the Beatles

“When you talk to the half-wise, twaddle; when you talk to the ignorant, brag; when you talk to the sagacious, look very humble and ask their opinion.” — Edward Bulwer-Lytton

“Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe. And what do we teach our children in school? We teach them that two and two make four and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are?” — Smart Bee

Okay, so, I cheated….. sue me. I thought, maybe, if I threw out some pearls, it might jog my brain, and something worthwhile would fall out….. I do like all three of these little gems, especially the first and last…. the middle one is one of those ‘surprise’ pearls, by which I mean that the source is a surprise….

Edward Bulwer-Lytton is the author of the book in which the line “It was a dark and stormy night….” was first used, and the opening paragraph of that book, whose title I never can remember, is used as the ultimate example of the over-blown, floridly wordy, and pompous style of writing that seems to abound in certain literary genres….. It is such a bad piece of work, that, each year, a contest is held, wherein people submit the worst opening lines for a book they can think of, to win a prize, which has grown to thousands of English pounds for the year’s winner….. Some pretty funny stuff is composed every time….

I’m not going to rant here… in fact I’m going to just abandon all attempts at making this a real intro, and just dump it on y’all in its current state. I don’t think it will splash, or cause any permanent damage, so, I’ll take my chances, since it’s way too late to start over…… In the interests of self-help, and to make at least one strong attempt to regain control of this missive, we’ll leave this alone now…. Shall we Pearl?…..__________________________________

“This song of the waters is audible to every ear, but there is other music in these hills, by no means audible to all…. On a still night, when the campfire is low and the Pleiades have climbed over rimrocks, sit quietly and listen … and think hard of everything you have seen and tried to understand. Then you may hear it – a vast pulsing harmony – its score inscribed on a thousand hills, its notes the lives and deaths of plants and animals, its rhythms spanning the seconds and the centuries.” — Aldo Leopold

Mr. Leopold’s fanciful flight of imagination is lovely, and true, as well. Without mentioning it by name, he gives a fine description of what has been called the Music of the Spheres, or, as I like to call it, Star Song…… I’ve found, over the course of a moderately long life, that some folks can hear this music, and some can’t. It doesn’t have anything to do with intelligence, per se, though more intelligent ffolkes seem to hear it than those who are less endowed with that characteristic. But, it isn’t essential…. I believe the ability to hear it has to do with two factors; one is imagination, and one is curiosity, both of which are somewhat dependent on having been developed in childhood.

Babies all hear this music, but learn, as do we all, to tune it out as they become more concerned with other aspects of growing. If imagination and curiosity are encouraged when young, a child will again learn how to tune in to this universal music, but, if not, they may never hear it past the age of 10 or so, losing along with it much of their sense of wonder, and many of childhood’s most important lessons. These losses can affect the course of their lives for all their days, keeping them unaware of much of the beauty in the world.

I am forced, at this point in this narrative, to make a confession…. I’m lost. When I started this pearl, I had a specific argument I was going to present, with evidence, suppositions, and conclusions all laid out in logical order for your examination. Now, however, I am faced with the simple fact that, while composing the above two paragraphs, that argument has flown completely out of my head, and gone off to wherever such ideas go when Murphy gets hold of them like this….

If I knew, I’d go kick his ass and get them back…. SIGH…. I don’t, though, so I’m going to make one try to salvage this space, and fill up the remainder of this section with an old-school group of pearls…. I’ll try to keep them in the same general genre, or near the same area of thought as above, but, obviously, no guarantees are possible…. Lloyd’s would never cover it…..

“It’s hard to face tomorrow, but it’s easier than facing no tomorrow.” — Smart Bee
A novice of the temple once approached the Chief Priest with a question. “Master, does Emacs have the Buddha nature?” the novice asked. The Chief Priest had been in the temple for many years and could be relied upon to know these things.  He thought for several minutes before replying. “I don’t see why not.  It’s got bloody well everything else.” With that, the Chief Priest went to lunch.  The novice suddenly achieved enlightenment, several years later.


His Master is kind,
Answering his FAQ quickly,
With thought and sarcasm.    ~~ Smart Bee
“Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.” — Edgard Varese
Against those skilled in the attack, the enemy does not know where to defend.
Against the experts in defence, the enemy does not know where to attack.

— Sun Tzu
— Bother! said Pooh,  as Eeyore missed another period.
Like. if guns are outlawed, the lawyer population will explode out of control. — Smart Bee

Bloody brilliant, if I do say so myself…. but, then, I’ve always said Smart Bee was much more than just your average database….. There IS a point to the group of pearls included, but, don’t bother trying to figure it out, you’d only get a headache…. It’s kind of the same idea as the old saw about “Never try to make a pig wear shoes…. You’ll both end up dirty, and the pig still won’t dance….”

I’m in the mood for a bit of mad genius…. so, here is one of the maddest genius’s ever, by acclimation….


O half moon—-

Half-brain, luminosity—
Negro, masked like a white,

Your dark
Amputations crawl and appall—

Spidery, unsafe.
What glove

What leatheriness
Has protected

Me from that shadow—
The indelible buds.

Knuckles at shoulder-blades, the
Faces that

Shove into being, dragging
The lopped

Blood-caul of absences.
All night I carpenter

A space for the thing I am given,
A love

Of two wet eyes and a screech.
White spit

Of indifference!
The dark fruits revolve and fall.

The glass cracks across,
The image

Flees and aborts like dropped mercury.

~~ Sylvia Plath

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. {2} If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. {3} If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. {4} Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. {5} It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. {6} Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. {7} It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. {8} Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. {9} For we know in part and we prophesy in part, {10} but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. {11} When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. {12} Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. {13} And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” — 1 Corinthians 13 NIV

It is such a shame that the Bible has to be regarded as divinely inspired, in my mind. There are a number of passages in the various books by different authors that display a deep insight into human nature, and, like the one above, beautifully give to man words of such truth they can form the basis of one’s entire world-view. Insisting that such ideas are only possible to God, to me, isn’t realistic, nor is it true. I’ve known a number of people I would consider very wise, who have never even heard of the Christian God…. so, where does that fit into the picture?….

No, from what I can tell from reading it, most, or, okay, I’ll be fair, much, of what is written, most especially those parts intended as dogmatic proclamations, are more human in origin, obviously, than they are divinely inspired. The premises all favor the church over the individual, and submission of each individual to dogma is required of the faithful; that much is apparent in every statement that asserts God’s authority over Man as Creator.

It’s obvious to me, anyway…. I could never figure out why God, who could make universes, needed me to fall down on my knees and humble myself….. What kind of sick thrill does he get from that? I know that anyone who acts in a subservient manner to me makes me uncomfortable, and feel like I want to kick them, and tell them to stand up and show some pride…. or at least some dignity….

Any who, in the Bible, there is all this good advice, and good ideas, like the one above…. but, in order to find them, one must wade through all the nonsensical stuff that the priestly hierarchies would have us believe is “written by the hand of God”…. Much more likely t’was the hand of Guido, or Etienne, I would think, at the insistence of assholes like Paul, and Peter, those evil men who barely waited until Jesus was underground to start perverting his teachings…. I’ll bet they were a bit surprised to have to wait until after he rose, and left again, before getting down to the business of altering texts, twisting meanings, and generally setting things up to suit themselves, all with the convenient authority he so trustingly gave them….

Not for nothing is it said that Jesus was an innocent…. he believed he could trust his disciples, forgetting entirely they are human, and will act out of self-interest FIRST, every time, when it comes to morality…. Hell, soon after he died, all twelve of the disciples went their own ways, and began the task of creating the thousand and one different sects based on the teachings of Christ that exist today…. or at least, setting the stage for their creation…. There WERE only twelve of them to start with…. Even with that, it takes a while to split it all up to the point we now see today, with thousands of separate churches, all based on one or another of the basic core principles Jesus left behind as legacy, and all interpreted through the lenses of each person’s glasses, colored in self-interest….

Ah well, at least if one has the patience to look, some good things can be found in the Bible…. I just wish that people would learn not to take it so seriously… because, I’m sorry to have to tell them this, but, God doesn’t publish books, nor does He (as I understand the concept of Him….) use ghost writers….. In fact, I should think that, if such an entity had something to tell us, He might make it pretty obvious where the message came from, and what it meant…. otherwise, what would be the point? If nothing else, I would expect a God to be, at minimum, logical…..

Okay, I’m done….

“Due to intense mind fog all thoughts have been grounded.” — Smart Bee

Whew, what an ordeal! I wasn’t sure I’d ever get done, but, once again, the perseverance I learned at my father’s knee stood me in good stead…. It’s done, and you can’t make me do it over…. Well, I suppose you could, but, you wouldn’t, would you? Would you? Hmm…. I think, before you have a long time to think about that, we’ll take our leave, until tomorrow….  Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..

Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.




15 thoughts on “If we must, we can use the anchovy paste….

  1. Wow Ned. So much to digest here. Boy when the Ned Noodle wakes up it really goes to town. Okay, I have to comment on the Bulwer Lytton Fiction contest. I was the Grand Prize Winner of that contest in 1990!

    Oh, what else. The Bible. Well, I couldn’t believe what I read one day when I was writing a The Bible According To Gregory segment. God tried to kill Moses. It’s just a little passage. It’s after God sends Moses to go talk to the Pharaoh and while he’s camping on the way there it says God tried to kill Moses! I was shocked. Boy I sure never heard about that in Sunday School. But I’m sure they would have put some sort of a spin on it like God was killing the Evil in Moses or something to that effect even though it says God tried to kill Moses. That’s the thing, they change around the bible to suit their needs. And if God did try to kill Moses, why wasn’t he successful? What God doesn’t know how to kill Moses? And he’s the most powerful being in the universe. Hmmmm . . . ..

    • Wow… congratulations on the B-L award! I must say, though, I’m not surprised, having read your blog for a couple of years now, I can see how it would happen… 🙂 You show a real talent for that style, I think…. and I know it isn’t as easy as it seems….

      The Old Testament is chock full of stuff like the story you read about Moses…. check out some of the stuff about Lot…like when he offered the mob at his door his virgin daughters, to do with as they liked, if they would just leave him be…. or, like when God sent a pack of forty bears to some town, to kill the children, who had mocked one of His minor prophets, Elisha by name, I think…. a calm, merciful, measured response, wouldn’t you say?

      Keep those stories in mind when you think about what I’ve said below about Paul and Peter, and any god they would be involved with….

      • Just had a long comment written and it disappeared when I went to push reply. Grrr. What in the world do you think was going in the Bible? It’s so strange. Every week, when I retell the bible according to Gregory, I am blown away by the weird, weird behavior of god. Moses only saw the burning bush when he went over to God Mountain out of curiosity. Not because he was chosen by God. It’s was like he went over to see what was going on and then got abducted by god. And we use this book as our moral compass?

        • Never forget that the book was written by men who were under the influence of delusions and hallucinations (which are called “divine inspiration”), and then attributed to God…. typical human nastiness to shuffle the responsibility for their insanity off on some poor figment of their imagination… Moses was merely one in a long line of folks who got burned by Yahweh back then…. he seemed to fuck with the heads of the Israelites on a regular basis in those days…. 🙂

          It’s all just a shell game, played out over centuries, with occasional forays into shorter cons designed to make a larger profit than the long con, which supplies most of their daily expenses…. They do like their gold and velvet robes, and those things add up!…. 🙂

          • I think there was more to it than delusions and hallucinations. I think there was something going on, something untoward with the human race by someone or something pretending to be God. I think a lot of those events in the bible really did happen but I think they all happened in a far more distant past and the religious books ended up being our only record (doctored as they were).

    • This one is easy, and doesn’t even require Biblical corroboration… Peter was so trusted by God, he was given the keys to Heaven…. Now, just think about that for a moment, and then tell me that Peter is to be trusted…. As for Paul, he is personally responsible for the Catholic Church…. need I say more? 🙂

      • Moreover, both of them had the opportunity to set the initial interpretations of Jesus’ words, and they chose to use the one that allowed women to become second-class citizens… As Jimmy Carter has said, Scripture gives Man the option to either exalt women, or to condemn them, and have consistently chosen to do the latter, and led to the current and ongoing abuse and subjugation of women…. the assholes….

      • Oh! I didn’t know about the keys. Sounds fascinating! Paul responsible for the Catholic church huh. Interesting. He was kind of like the Bill Gates of Religion then.

        • Well, more like the Guido Scarlotti of Religion… you know, that Mafia Don who started La Cosa Nostra so many years ago, as an adjunct to the Catholic Church’s Curiae Pontificas ( I think that’s the name of the Pope’s council of Cardinals….the cardinals who vote for the new Popes, and control his every word while in office….whatever) I think Guido was the brother of one of the cardinals, and saw a way for a whole new avenue of income for the Church… making Paul’s avaricious little heart beat with pride in his teaching…. 🙂

          Oh, you knew about the keys, you just didn’t realize it…. Who is it that looks into the Book of Life when someone dies and wants to get into Heaven? Saint Peter…. God appointed him as gatekeeper when he died, so that tells me that he is one of the inner circle, and privy to all the stuff we aren’t supposed to know about….

          My favorite St. Peter joke…. Pope Pius XII died,went to heaven, and was shown to his beautiful new residence, a 10 room mansion overlooking the River Jordan. One day, he saw someone being shown into a huge palace recently built for someone.. 80 rooms, pools, tennis courts, the whole shebang; nothing too luxurious for this former sinner…. At a cocktail party that night at the new palace, Pius asked St. Peter about the new guy, wondering who he could be that deserved a larger house than a Pope…. St. Peter merely smiled and said, “Well, we’ve had over 250 of your sort show up here, but, he’s the FIRST lawyer/politician we’ve ever had….!”


          • LOL!! Well see all the joy St Peter has brought us via heaven jokes!! HA! I’m going to read Peter’s chapters. I don’t know anything about it but what I’ve learned through jokes! But it sounds fascinating. I want to know how he got those keys and who gave them to him and why. 😀

  2. Well I think that was an excellent and beautifully presented piece. I really enjoyed reading it. I always enjoy reading your posts but this post was excellent. At the risk of sounding mad I wish to admit to listening the sound of the the hills I often hear it more clearly when on holiday or in the dog house. And I love it. Thank you for a great read. Hugs 😉 xx

  3. Reblogged this on gigoid and commented:


    A few Gentle Readers may have noted my absence the past two days… To be honest, I’ve been hovering, for at least two days, (beginning, oddly enough, a couple hours after my last post of a fresh Pearl), over the edge of what feels like a very deep hole of black depression. To keep from falling in, I’ve immersed myself in music…. Classical, hard rock, virtuoso guitarists, and women hitting that high E above C (which always gives me goose bumps….), have lifted me away from the edge, enough so I AM working on another fresh Pearl. But, the ultimate outcome remains unclear, so, I’m re-blogging again today, to soften the edges of my angst, and to, hopefully, provide y’all with some stuff to consider. This one is from 2013, while I still lived in relative poverty, awaiting word on whether Social Security would condescend giving up my benefits slightly before actual retirement age as set by the ridiculous laws we live by. I had a LOT of time to think then, & this Pearl reflects that pretty well, with a discussion covering human nature, and our ever-present conflict with Reality… Some great poetry, too, with some fine pearls in support of the ranting…. All in all, a fine example of an iconic Pearl of Virtual Wisdom… I hope you enjoy it…. I’ll work on a fresh Pearl for tomorrow, & hopefully, can stay sane enough to get it done…. Wish me luck, if you dare… Otherwise, have fun with this one, & have a decent day out there, remembering to keep cool, and be strange…. I will, for sure….

    gigoid, the dubious


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