I can thoroughly identify with Seneca today; his statement on life gives a perfect voice to how I feel…. For about ten days now, I’ve been experiencing a new physical phenomenon, during which much of my skeleton sings to me, while my left hip, shoulder, and my hands all provide a counterpoint of shrill, soprano high notes to augment the song being sung, with sharp high notes, shooting into my brain with knife-like intensity, just for fun….
This takes place for a good portion of the day, interspersed with minor periods of relatively pain-free time, during which I try to act normally, just as if I didn’t think it would start again in a few minutes…. Otherwise, I’d have never gotten anything done, at all….
It’s not only becoming tiresome, it’s gone beyond old, into ancient news, that I’d just as soon turned to dust, along with me, and everything else, because I just don’t give a SHIT about any of it…. In fact, I’m seriously considering withdrawing from the human race completely, & becoming a reclusive curmudgeon, even more so than I already am, to the point of claiming hermit status…. I swear, I’m not far from just buying weapons, and putting up signs that trespassers will be shot…
Add into the daily picture that there are other people to deal with, and I’m convinced…. It’s time. I am sick and fucking tired of having to deal with other people, at all…. I’m at a point where even friends are included in those who are annoying me; I am almost ready to start biting ffolkes, which I can truthfully say is the first time in my life to have experienced this kind of angst, so great even those I care about are excluded…. and I don’t feel an ounce of guilt about it, either…. Even the compassionate concern people can show would be unwelcome just now; I’m just not in the mood to be nice to anyone….
In fact, at the moment, ‘nice’ sounds really stupid, and not at all the kind of thing I want associated with my name…. Some of what is transpiring in my life just now is a result of my being ‘nice’, and I can tell you, for sure, that old saw about ‘no good deed goes unpunished’ is spot-on the money….. I’ve acted out of compassion, producing results which are all-too-predictable, as well as uncomfortable; in addition, such produces critical judgments from others, which, while true to varying degrees of context, nonetheless do naught to help me feel better about any of it…. I just can’t help operating from the basis of compassion; call me a fool, but, it’s just the way I’m made…. I guess I took the sage seriously, when he said,
“Our purpose in this life is to help each other, and if you can’t help them, at least don’t cause them any harm.” — Buddha
Now, of course, it’s all muddled, and unclear…. So, I now must wait, until right action becomes clear, a process complicated by pain, and the difficulty it adds to thinking at all…. You see, all I want to do right now is crawl in a hole, and hide from it all…. Unfortunately, that would be even MORE uncomfortable than I am already…. not to mention what it would do to my hair…..
No, it wasn’t a typo; I just wanted to see if y’all were paying attention…. I wasn’t, so, it kind of caught ME unawares, as well…. Oh well, I can see it’s going to be one of those days…. I may as well get us out of here, and start trying to fill in the rest of this mess…. Oh, look, here’s an opening into the rest of the Pearl, right there ahead in the fog…. See it? It’s kind of a shiny one, isn’t it? Let’s catch it while we can, okay? Okay…. Hang on, ffolkes, I’m taking us in!….
Shall we Pearl?
“A man is not aware of his virtues (if any). Nevertheless, one hopes that they exist.” — Edward Abbey
Music always works for me…. Here is a playlist compilation of the best movie themes played by an orchestra…. Enjoy!…
“One always overcompensates for disabilities. I’m thinking of having my entire body surgically removed.” — The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
“There is no opinion so absurd that some philosopher will not express it.” — Cicero
I’ve decided to let my sense of the absurd take over the rest of today, so, this is all you get in the way of a rant…. These two pearls express almost perfectly how I feel; rather than complicate my life, and yours, they will have to do…. If nothing else, take with you the lesson implied….
So be it….
gigoid has spoken…. Well, sort of….
A couple of months ago, I wrote a poem during another episode of pain much like this has been…. Since I’m being absurd, here ’tis again…
Tiresome, the darkness, sitting in the sun,
submissively balancing over the pit.
Quiet as old terror, each brick one by one
building crescendo, sans music, sans style, sans wit.
Shadows thrown offer speculative fiction,
earning respite from burgeoning miscellany.
Light’s presence offers potential benediction,
if not divine, perhaps, then, beautifully zany.
Hours pass in days, minutes in a week,
challenging Reality to argue, adding a subtle smirk.
One humbly submits in hope of grace, small respite to seek,
in spite of prescient insistence ’twill never work.
Wave upon wave crash against the bloodied shore,
wearing down all natural defense.
All light is extinguished, darkness evermore;
if preserving life and love, sin no more.
~~ gigoid ~~
This pearl was constructed for the most part, yesterday, during a period of space from the agony that held sway most of the day. The final two entries, (though fifth and sixth in the list below) were picked out this morning, to fill in the necessary remaining thoughts leading to our point…. That point, naturally, has been left as an exercise for the Gentle Reader….
“It is in the shelter of each other that people live.” — Irish proverb
“Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it.” — Alice Walker
“I exist as I am, that is enough.” — Walt Whitman
“The chief good he has defined to be the exercise of virtue in a perfect life.” — Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD) — Aristotle, xiii
All cruelty” springs from weakness.” — Seneca
“No human thing is of serious importance.” — Plato
— Stranger than fiction.
~~ Lord Byron (1788-1824) — Don Juan, Canto xiv, Stanza 101~~
Hmm… I hadn’t noticed before putting all of it together, but, this seems to be a paraphrase of Axiom #6 of Peruaosophy, to wit: “And God so loved the world, She said, “Quit whining!”…. Works for me….
All in all, I think I’ve done well, if only because I made it this far….. Y’all can make your own judgments as to that; that’s your job, after all…. Me, I’m outta here…. See y’all tomorrow, ffolkes, if I haven’t retreated to some cave in the mountains….
and May the Metaphorse be with you;
Blessed Be, dearest Carole, Mark, and Theresa…
and everyone else, too…
When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.
Which is Why….
Sometimes I sits and thinks,
I just sits.
gigoid, the dubious
PLEASE STOP READING THIS MESSAGE NOW.
À bientôt, mon cherí….