Doubtful dreams, dubiously delivered….


“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”

 ~~ Anais Nin ~~

ugly beauty

Beauty can be found even in ugliness…

Hajime…. I am empty of words. Those five you see in the previous sentence are the best beginning I could think to write, which goes to show just how empty I am at this moment. In spite of the unexpected sleep that I got, I’m tired, and grumpy, and just not in the mood. For anything.

Since there is nothing to say, I suppose I’ll go with the flow, and try to get a Pearl done without any sort of input from any sort of creative force. Talk about trusting the process…. Now we will see just how reliable the process has become, or, we’ll see an even greater mess than usual. The only fair way to judge it will be from the other end, so, we’ll go there, as quickly as possible. In fact we’re leaving now….

Shall we Pearl?

“Those who really deserve praise are the people who, while human enough to enjoy power, nevertheless pay more attention to justice than they are compelled to do by their situation.” — Thucydides


Bob Marley

    Today I feel like hearing from a revolutionary artist. This man’s music is the best example I can think of, for he lived, and made his music, for the people…. He was Jamaican, but, his attitude about humanity was perfectly Irish, for he believed implicitly in their belief, to wit: It is in the shelter of each other that people live….. Enjoy, ffolkes; and, live up to the lyrics….


Bob Marley





Sandclock .jpg

    Since I’ve nothing fresh to say, here is a discussion of morality & ethics from the archives; it will do just fine for the mood I’m in….

From 2/12/13:

I am an asshole. A jerk. A prick. A foul-mouthed, misbegotten excuse for a human being…. I, as is true of virtually all seven billion of my peers on this planet, am nothing more than a hypocrite, deserving of eternal residence in the lowest pits of hell for my perfidy….. What, you might ask, prompted this viciously personal outburst of self-denigration? Well, let me tell you….

Most of us, at some point or another, sit down from time to time to think about our actions, those we are considering, and those we have acted out in the past, to get some perspective on how those actions have conformed to our ethical and moral beliefs. In other words, we sit in self-judgment; whether we do so to praise or to chastise doesn’t matter, ultimately, as long as it is an honest appraisal, and we do not flinch from owning up to our baseness where it is found…..

This is why I am forced to curse myself…. Because I’m not a Catholic,  or any other faith that espouses such mummery, (I don’t mean to pick on Catholics…. some of my best friends, etc…..  😆  ….. They’re just an example everyone recognizes, and can relate to as similar to their own….)….  Any who, because I’m not of that Tribe, I don’t have the luxury of confessing to a priest, who would then reassure me that I am still one of the Chosen Ones, and send me on my way having learned nothing but a false sense of entitlement.

I can’t just pass off what I may have done in my life to some faceless butthead in a dress, who, no doubt, has a great laugh at the expense of the penitent, when he and the other priests get together in the rectory for a few drinks, passing around all the latest tall tales and outtakes from the confessional booth…..

I consider myself to be a morally upright person, and hope that my actions reflect that. But, I know for certain that, like every other human being who ever lived, I don’t always live up to those moral beliefs, and fall from grace on occasion…. If I were a less honest man, I’d say that there were mitigating, or at least explanatory reasons for my failures to hold to my own standards, but, if I tried that, my Dad would kick my ass from now until Thursday the next time I see him, so I’m not going to take that chance…. I take full responsibility for my actions, base and cruel as they were, and no one can hold me in lower regard than I do….

I had considered using this venue as a confessional, to air out my transgressions on the stage of reality, but, I don’t think that would be any more ethical than confessing to a priest…. Confession may make a difference to the penitent, by absolving him/her from any lingering guilt that could adversely affect them (i.e., they feel better about themselves after receiving absolution…), but, in truth, it doesn’t mean a damn thing, as nothing is done to balance the scale, in a karmic sense, especially for whatever creature or person that was the victim of the cruelty. The only act that would mean anything would be for the perpetrator to use the experience to motivate them to two things….

One, to try to repair whatever hurt or pain they have caused another creature…. man, animal, doesn’t matter…. They don’t deserve to be victimized, no matter their form, and ALL one can do, to fix any harm they have caused, is the least they should do…. Second, use the experience as motivation to make a change in themselves, to act with greater understanding, greater compassion, and greater control over themselves and their feelings…. which is what guilt is all about, right?…. The difference is that, when one confesses to a priest, and receives absolution, there is no motivation to make any changes in their actions…. They know none is necessary, since they can relieve themselves of any guilt they may feel by confessing…. so, why bother?

On the other hand, when one assumes the responsibility for their own actions, the guilt doesn’t go away…. I will never forgive myself for some of the things that I’ve done in my life (nor will I share them in any attempt to gain forgiveness from anyone else…. it’s none of their fucking business….)(Besides, that whole confessional thing just sounds too much like a blackmail scheme…. the people who confess are sure putting their fate trustingly into the hands of those priests, aren’t they?). That simple fact is what keeps me from falling into the same ethical trap I did when I lost my cool, and acted without thinking,  or took my feelings out on innocent bystanders….. Not going to happen again, a sentiment which, I’m sure, is NOT what you can expect from any religicos after confession….

You will note that there are no pearls associated with this discussion…. That’s because I am such an asshole, none were needed to stimulate me into spilling my guts, so to speak…. Besides, I couldn’t find a proper pearl for the beginning of such a somber subject by the time I was ready to write about it…. But, Murphy must have liked the way I dissed myself, because, hunting for an appropriate closer, afterward, I found these two, which, together, make a grand finishing touch for this subject…. Think of them as bookends….

“Character is doing the right thing when nobody’s looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that’s right is to get by, and the only thing that’s wrong is to get caught.” — J. C. Watts

Boy, that hits the nail on the head, doesn’t it?…..    I’ve got these two quotes reversed in the order in which they make the most sense, but, given the state of things here, that isn’t surprising, is it…. This is the one that probably should go at the front of this piece, so, just put it there in your mind, okay? Thanks….. (Note from 2014: Actually, you may, or even should, ignore all of these final comments about pearls, as they are currently out of context, given the fact the pearl that now graces the front of this discussion is so perfectly suitable….)

“We tell lies when we are afraid, . . . afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.” — Tad Williams, Spoken by Dr. Morgenes, To Green Angel Tower (part of — Memory, Sorrow and Thorn)



    This is an older poem of mine, about an old friend of mine, my constant companion, pain…. It’s one of many, I’m afraid….

Denial of Comfort

Baleful chairs become the enemy, heralded in red
seemingly welcome softness beckons with a smile,
waiting, content with slaughter, they are finally led
screaming in agony, deluged in venom all the while.

Desperate distraction becomes such a friendless fire
for all the patterns of autumn’s pale dismay,
leaving sincerely latent trails in spirals of twisted wire,
while memory insists, again, upon failure, palpably evil, and fey.

Fat, jaded tears would have fallen in good time,
if only the suitable suitor had scaled the garden’s wall.
Credence for discounted prices luckily in their prime
bring only fascinated eyes into such a hallowed hall.

Searching for answers is ever a clever portrayal
with studious accouterments to fulfill each common rule.
Arguably patient pictures of science and honest betrayal
shall evermore languish, in light of passion so elegantly cruel.

~~ gigoid ~~



Morning muse

    I don’t know, so, please, don’t ask. It’s just the way it came out, so, deal with it as if it were actually a real pearl…. It’s all I can suggest….

`The time has come,’ the walrus said, `to talk of many things.
 Of shoes – of ships – of sealing wax, of cabbages and kings.
 And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings.’

~~ Lewis Carroll  ~~

~~ The Walrus and the Carpenter, from Alice Through the Looking Glass ~~

“By space the universe encompasses and swallows me up like a dot; by thought I encompass the Universe.” — Pascal, Pensees, n. 265

“Certainly the game is rigged. Don’t let that stop you; if you don’t bet, you can’t win.” — Lazarus Long

“A wise man first determines what is within his control; all else is then irrelevant.” — Epictetus

“You should hammer your iron when it is glowing hot.” — Publius Syrus — Maxim 262

“The great consolation in life is to say precisely what one thinks.” — Voltaire

“And that’s the way it is…” — Walter Cronkite

“‘Scuze me while I kiss the sky…” — Jimi Hendrix, Purple Haze

“Bert? Are you awake Bert?” — Ernie


Well, it’s done, and that’s the best I can say of it. Moreover, I won’t try to make any excuses or apologies. I’ll just go now, and try to do better tomorrow, should that prove possible, or even imaginable. So be it. See y’all then, should I live through the day & night…. Odds are good….

Y’all take care out there,
and May the Metaphorse be with you;
Blessed Be, dearest Carole, Mark,Theresa, & Richy
and everyone else, too…

When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.

Which is Why….

Sometimes I sits and thinks,
   and sometimes,
I just sits.

gigoid, the dubious

The *only* duly authorized Computer Curmudgeon.


“SCRAM!!!!!!!!!!”- Oscar the Grouch

À bientôt, mon cherí….


15 thoughts on “Doubtful dreams, dubiously delivered….

  1. My drafts save me when I draw a blank and it is more often than one would think.

    An excellent post and a damn fine piece for thought.

    Have a great day and a better evening…..chuq

  2. Yes,an excellent post……;)
    “Simplicity, patience, compassion.
    These three are your greatest treasures.
    Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being.
    Patient with both friends and enemies,
    you accord with the way things are.
    Compassionate toward yourself,
    you reconcile all beings in the world.”
    ― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

    • Thanks, it came out better than I’d hoped or imagined; don’t ask me how.

      I guess falling back on Lao Tzu, and my Dad’s ethics will always work out for the best…


  3. “Stop thinking, and end your problems.
    What difference between yes and no?
    What difference between success and failure?
    Must you value what others value,
    avoid what others avoid?
    How ridiculous!

    Other people are excited,
    as though they were at a parade.
    I alone don’t care,
    I alone am expressionless,
    like an infant before it can smile.

    Other people have what they need;
    I alone possess nothing.
    I alone drift about,
    like someone without a home.
    I am like an idiot, my mind is so empty.

    Other people are bright;
    I alone am dark.
    Other people are sharp;
    I alone am dull.
    Other people have purpose;
    I alone don’t know.
    I drift like a wave on the ocean,
    I blow as aimless as the wind.

    I am different from ordinary people.
    I drink from the Great Mother’s breasts.”
    ~ Lao Tzu~

  4. “Kiss the Wind”
    like a “Hope
    less Wanderer”..
    words from Jimi..
    Tzu.. and Mumford
    and Son’s
    no words
    when onE
    aGaiN.. friend
    gigoid.. i’ve
    got more
    to do.. for noW..:)

  5. Reblogged this on gigoid and commented:


    Today, if I were posting, would mark the fourth day since last posting at all. I haven’t been around much, & actually spent one entire day without ever entering the online world. Though it’s been a good thing, overall, I do feel a bit of angst over not having gotten rid of a lot of mental dross that generally finds its way on screen, and, thankfully, out of my head. But, I still can’t seem to push out the poem that’s in there percolating, and don’t much feel like spouting off my usual blather. To let y’all know I am still alive & kicking, as well as to sublimate my need to write, here is a rather good Pearl from about a year and a half ago, with some good introspection, and a plethora of fine pearls. I hope you enjoy it, and, I hereby promise to make a strong effort to “go live” tomorrow. Until then, stay strange, and be well….

    The BBR is calling, but, I’ll be back soon….

    gigoid, the dubious


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