With a clear eye, and a somewhat less than clear conscience, I take up the gauntlet once more, seeking new and innovative ways to befuddle the reading audience. Well, either befuddle, or titillate, take your pick; both are on sale today…..
That’s right, we’re having a sale. I have all this excess verbiage laying around, and I figured, “Hey, maybe somebody can use some of this stuff!” Then I thought to myself, “Hey, maybe I can fool, er, talk them into paying for it! It’s worth a shot, right?” So, I’ve taken some time to organize and label a bunch of stuff, and put prices on them.
Please, during your visit today, please take a moment to to look through the catalog on the table over there, and see if there isn’t a metaphor, or a witty response, or a partial poem, or a joke, or maybe even, gasp, an original idea, that you can use in your work…. all priced very reasonably…. Plus, if you buy your needed accessories to crime here, there is no guilt factor, so you can save the money you would have spent on plagiarism insurance. Every word will be shipped via email, so that cost is also zero…. How can you lose?
The bonus factor for me is a couple bucks extra to go into the old refrigerator….. No, I don’t mean I put my money in the fridge; I mean I’ll buy food, and put it in there….. although, come to think of it, I do know a lot of folks who think hiding money in the fridge is one NOBODY will ever think of…. I never bother to tell them it is the first place any experienced cop, guard, technician, or junkie will search in their quest for illegal substances or hidden treasures, mainly because EVERYBODY thinks that nobody else knows this…. another fine example of the quality of most folk’s thinking processes….
That’s probably enough silliness for one morning, or at least for intentional silliness. It starts to annoy even me after a bit…. What say we dive in and start the morning Pearl?….. Keeping in mind, of course, the morning words of wisdom….
PARANOIA: A healthy understanding of the way the universe works. — Smart Bee
ART, n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related as follows by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape, S.J.
One day a wag — what would the wretch be at? –
Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT,
And said it was a god’s name! Straight arose
Fantastic priests and postulates (with shows,
And mysteries, and mummeries, and hymns,
And disputations dire that lamed their limbs)
To serve his temple and maintain the fires,
Expound the law, manipulate the wires.
Amazed, the populace that rites attend,
Believe whate’er they cannot comprehend,
And, only edified to learn that two
Half-hairs joined so and so (as Art can do)
Have sweeter values and a grace more fit
Than Nature’s hairs that never have been split,
Bring cakes and wines for sacrificial feasts,
And sell their garments to support the priests.
– Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil’s Dictionary”
It seems that Mr. Bierce’s talent was not limited to merely prose with a sharp point, but displayed just as precisely, and pointedly, as poetry. Quite excellent poetry too, with couplets all a-rhyme, scansion dancing around the pole made of irony, with streamers of wit….. I’m impressed, more and more, each time I read from the Dictionary….
I guess I wasn’t quite done with being Silly….
“Ignore the man behind the screen.” — The All Seeing, All Powerful, Wonderful Wizard of Oz
As the time passes and we draw ever nearer to the election this year, this becomes increasingly relevant. It is important to remember that ALL the political candidates are guilty of using the art of prestidigitation in their communications with the public. Of course, Mitt the Twitt and the GOP are showing particularly egregious new heights to which they are willing to take the art; they have paraded a series of lies before the public that are not even hidden lies. They don’t seem to care; they just deny, ignore, and issue their next false accusation or made up statistics….
‘Shit Happens’ according to… Denialism: What shit? — Smart Bee
The Democrats aren’t completely free of this syndrome, either, and if you believe they are, then you have entered the Twilight Zone, and may have trouble finding your way back to the real world. I admire Obama, much the same way I did Carter; they are both basically decent men trying to do an impossible job, while constantly having to contend with an entire segment of those who are supposed to support him as loyal opposition, who, instead, are attempting to thwart his every reform, simply for the sake of divisiveness. In the fight to get ANYTHING done, the incumbents have had to resort to chicanery of their own. I figure they, at least, feel a bit of guilt about it, whereas I can see no such reaction from Mitt or any of the GOP spokesbozos…. They just deny and ignore any such suggestions of wrong-doing….
Let’s consider Mitt the Twitt for a moment. Here is a man who admits to being rich as Croesus, yet finds it necessary to hide at least half of his real worth, as if it would tarnish his image of someone who can relate to the common man. I think the common man, to Mitt, is someone who only has $50,000 worth of investments, to go along with the house they own, their three cars, and the vacation home in Maine. In contrast to EVERY OTHER candidate’s policy of publishing their taxes, he continues to refuse to release any returns beyond the last one; there are inconsistencies and red flag items of interest to the public in that one, too, but he refuses to discuss any of it…
This is the same man who tied his dog to a kennel on the roof of a car, and went off on vacation, without ever thinking of how terrified the dog might be, barreling along at 80 mph, with the wind blowing straight through the kennel. He laughs about it, and turns questions about it to other subjects, refusing to even comment on it. This is the same man who, when asked about a serious incident of bullying and gay bashing during his last year in high school, shrugged it off as “youthful pranks and high spirits”…..
This is the same man who…. well, never mind. I could go on most of the day, and not get to all the little incidents from just the last few months that indicate the Twitt’s complete disregard for the majority of Americans, and show clearly how entrenched he is in the 1%, and how committed he is to solidifying the stranglehold that the banks and corporations have on the rest of American society. His total focus is on the agenda of the rich, to the detriment of the poor, and I am totally astounded at just how many IDIOTS are out there in this country supporting him, in the mistaken belief that he gives a shit about them….
No politician is acting in the best interests of the people they govern. None of them. But people continue to act as if they do, and it is driving me crazy! Normal, intelligent people are backing this asshole, thinking that he isn’t going to screw them over. It is incomprehensible to me how people can blind themselves to the obvious so completely that they would fall for this shit…. I will say it one more time, and I hope they can understand it….
And then shall many be offended,… — Matthew 24:10
You are being lied to, by every politician who is currently seeking office, and by every one currently in office. If you don’t see that, if you don’t believe that, then you are deliberately fucking yourself in the place it will most hurt, and apparently, enjoying it…. The man, the party, and 99% of everyone you see on TV is LYING TO YOU!!!!! They are doing so every day, every hour, every minute, and you are accepting it like you are a starving sheep and what they are saying is manna from heaven.
WAKE UP!….. I’m stopping here, my blood pressure is spiking, and I’m starting to type in all caps to show I’m shouting, rather than just as contextual importance. That’s how worked up I get when I think of how deliberately stupid people can be…. I don’t so much mind the stupid part, but the fact that they have to CHOOSE to not see what is right in front of their face just sets me off…. So much indignation, righteous or not, is giving me indigestion….. stay alert, ffolkes, the politicians are coming, and they’re dangerous when unregulated….
Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, “In the Nuts (unground), (other than ground nuts) Order, the expression nuts shall have reference to such nuts, other than ground nuts, as would but for this amending Order not qualify as nuts (unground)(other than ground nuts) by reason of their being nuts (unground).” — from the Guinness Book of World Records, 1973
I’m almost speechless. (I know, you’ll believe it when you see it…. I did say ‘almost’…. that’s something…) It’s absolutely beautiful! Perfectly priceless absolute nonsense, dressed only in legal briefs…. It is so impenetrable, I can’t tell if it is the law itself, or the judge’s written opinion on the law, or a passage from Nightmare on Elm Street! Which I’ve never seen, by the way….
How’s that for tangential? Any who, this was included today as a finishing touch to my Twitt-rant above. This goes to show exactly how the political hacks we are burdened with today work their verbal magic, to distract us from looking at things they don’t want us to see. Bureaucratese is what I’ve heard it called, a language, and skill set, that society has had practiced on them since the days of ancient Greece.
When a document such as the one above reaches a certain level of impenetrability, the majority of people alive will either fall asleep halfway through reading it, or totally ignore it after reading the first 11 words or so. It’s a classic piece of distraction, and is probably used in courses for political science majors in college, especially in law schools, as an example of how to carry off the trick.
To me, what this law indicates is that one, or more, of the people involved in writing the law have a monetary interest in being able to obfuscate the definition of “Nuts”, in order for them to achieve some financial reward owing to the indicated distinctions in that definition. In other words, a loophole or three is created, so the “Nut” vendors can make more money, charging more for each kind of Nut than could be accomplished without the legislation.
It’s similar to the law in this country that was pushed through the Federal Courts back in the mid-1800′s, when a corrupt Federal judge awarded “personhood” to corporations, after being paid handsomely by those corporations for his verdict…. Same, same, alla same…. Evil is loose in the world….
– Bother! said Pooh, as he had another plate of Piglet sausage. — Smart Bee (Remember Mitt the Twitt at the NAACP?…..As Jueseppi, the Obabmacrat says, “he was jivin’, shuckin’ and jivin”….. with a mouth full of sausage….)
I suppose all I’m trying to say here is, once again….. Wake up ffolkes…. the beloved ruling class, the priestly hierarchies, and the corporate “persons” in the shape of banks and multinational corporations, are continue to hide from all of us the actual business they are pursuing, which has everything to do with benefiting them, nothing to do with benefiting the public; it’s all about screwing everyone else as much as they will allow…. I don’t know about y’all, but I’m about done with allowing ANY of it….
“I’m not tense, just terribly alert.” — Smart Bee
So, please…. DON’T ignore the man behind the screen…. he’s the one who is killing us all….
I’ll take it…. I don’t know about y’all, but I feel better for having gotten that out….. sorry if any of it got on your clothing. I don’t think any of it is toxic…. maybe a bit vitriolic, but vitriol won’t actually harm anything, unless it applies to the reader as well as the subject matter…. Was that obscure enough?… So be it. Mr. Crusher, make it so….
Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..
Sometimes I sits and thinks,
I just sits.