Ffolkes,
— Bother! said Pooh, as he realized Piglet was indeed the essence of Chaotic Evil.
As unbelievable as it may seem at first, this is exactly how I feel this morning. Oh, not to worry, Piglet isn’t here, so I don’t have to bother about that, but, I know just how frustrated and surprised Pooh felt when it became clear just what those late night episodes with Piglet meant…. it’s a bummer, to say the least.
The problem is, I have absolutely no reason to feel any such emotions right now…. Oh, there are the usual number of worrisome events going on in my life, the kind that are always threatening to occur, but, nothing that should cause the degree of fear and anxiety that is sweeping through me as I write, and, as has plagued me since getting started today….
Ah, gotta love this mental illness, it’s such a joy. To awaken in the grip of diffuse anxiety, and unreasoning, unspecified fear, with tears, ready to flow, sitting behind the eyes, adding the pressure of filled sinuses to the catalog of the day’s events…. So, you can add a runny nose to all that is bugging me right now, just for good measure….
The pisser remains that I have no good reason to feel like this, in truth; it’s all a gift from my unconscious, which has apparently decided to continue punishing me for allowing myself to become broken, by the work that I did for so long…. I don’t know why it is still so upset; the choice at the time was either to go to work for the state, taking care of the mentally ill, or to go into the Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marines (shudder….) and get carted off to play soldier in the jungles of Southeast Asia….
I didn’t use heroin, so I had no investment in fighting over there that at the behest of the government, to protect THEIR drug interests, and had no intention of falling into the trap of lies they told the public, all about how Communism would overrun the West Coast if we didn’t go over there to fight them gooks….. I have no problem with the armed services, only with the illegal use of them for the private interests of the politicians, who lied to the public, both about why the war was necessary, and about why we needed to go there to fight. Since it WAS all lies, I had no compunctions about refusing to participate in it…. Of course, they’re still at it, but that’s another story, for another day….
A lot of my peers went, though, and suffered the hell of being in extreme danger for long periods of time, eventually becoming depressed by their experience in such numbers that the old term “combat fatigue”, around since World War I and II, used to describe how people react to long-term immersion in situations of life-threatening danger, evolved into a new psychiatric diagnosis, called PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder…..
It is a condition with which I can empathize, as well as sympathize, as I fell prey to its depredations in my own work, with dangerously violent mentally ill individuals, who lacked any and all control of their actions, resorting to violence on a regular and frequent basis to achieve their wants and needs…. It doesn’t take bullets flying through the air to make a person afraid for their life, believe me….
Any who, that’s all in the past, but, it does reach out to slap me down now and again, and today is one of those days… I have a lot to do, out in the real world, so, I’m once again blazing new trails in blogging…. This is all I’m posting today…. just the intro section, and then a teaser for each of the three sections that normally would follow…. I’m so….. fraught, I guess, is the right word…. I’m so fraught with anxiety and distress right now, I don’t even have the wherewithal to use archived material, so, rather than cheat more, I’ll just post again tomorrow, and hope that I still have a Gentle Reader or two out there, hoping to find another pearl of virtual wisdom….
Shall we NOT Pearl?…..
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“One of the merits of democracy is quite obvious: it is perhaps the most charming form of government ever devised by man. The reason is not far to seek. It is based on propositions that are palpably not true — and what is not true, as everyone knows, is always immensely more fascinating and satisfying to the vast majority of men than what is true.” — H. L. Mencken
Tomorrow, I will use this quote by Mr. Mencken as either the basis for a rant (for which it is eminently suited…), or as one of a fine, lustrous old-school pearl on the subject of politics and government, or, as we say around here, we’ll take a few shots at the BRC…. I’m almost looking forward to it….
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Here, I’ll post a poem…. duh!
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“The belief that there is only one truth and that oneself is in possession of it seems to me the deepest root of all evil that is in the world.” — Max Born, physicist
Boy, if this isn’t another fine rant, waiting to be written…. It almost makes me want to throw off this depression, and start writing…. But, since I still can’t seem to go five minutes without tears starting to flow, we’ll just go on to another day…. Sorry, ffolkes, I hate when this happens, but, it’s best to get past it before I do something stupid, which, as you know, is anathema to my soul….
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That’s all I’ve got today, brothers and sisters…. Again, my apologies, or, if I haven’t offered them yet, here they are…. Sorry ’bout that, but, I just don’t have it today, and don’t feel like pretending I do, as is often the case…. I’m going to go let it go now, and go finish crying, so maybe I can get on with the rest of the day without further embarrassment…. If I can find any pride left, I’ll see y’all tomorrow…. Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you….
When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.
Which is Why….
Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.
gigoid
gigoid 