Pilfered hearts, buried in parody….

Ffolkes,

It’s tempting…. the urge to just give it up is getting strong, and the reasons to do so are growing more compelling each day. As I sit to write today, I’m struck by how conflicted I am inside, where one part of me wants to fulfill the routine I’ve established over the last two years, and another part wants me to just go back to bed. For those two years, the latter part of me has been meek, unable to have its way very often, if at all, over the big, blustering, powerful urge to spill my guts….. Of late, though, it has gained strength, and weight, and is now able to bring a sense of controversy to these morning battles with myself…..

Obviously, the part of me that is still dreaming in bed has lost again, as the words keep flowing on screen; I guess the meek aren’t inheriting the earth quite yet…. It does, however, create yet another conundrum for me to solve, to wit: what the hell will I do today for an intro section? I’ve used up just about every style there is, or, at least, all I can think of, and none of them have been workable as an every day kind of opening, that would stand up to the test of time. The closest I’ve come is these wandering, blathering personal commentaries, four or five paragraphs discussing the workings of my head, which, though they may be interesting at times, probably get a bit trying to the patience to read often….

I’ve tried fictional openings…. I’ve tried ranting, I’ve tried pearls. I’ve tried to be logical, and I’ve dipped deeply into the well of nonsense to draw up some humor, such as it is. I’ve even used the Keystone Kops method, and, in times of extreme emergency, made things up. Hell, I’ve even considered the use of high explosives, but, I couldn’t get the permits…. Oh well…. I did have high hopes for that one, but, city hall gets nervous at private citizens asking for permission to blow stuff up….

Oh well, by this time, I should know better than to get all worked up about it….. The struggle to decide on what to write about every day will continue, as long as I keep flogging myself to write…. It’s looking like that isn’t going to cease any time in the near future, so, I’ll have to learn to live with a daily battle in my head, at least until I learn how to live with it, and accept it as reality….. That is one answer, in truth….I could be all Zen, and call this process a koan, a learning experience, and realize that it is acceptable just the way it is…. Life is struggle, and cannot be lived without pain. Learning to accept the pain is what eventually causes one to be able to live in harmony, and the pain, along with the struggle, will pass into memory….

Yeah, that’s the ticket…. Zen rules!….. Well, it helps, anyway…. Ah well, it’s happened again, so we’ll take the five paragraphs of relative crap, and go on to the next steps in this dance macabre….

Shall we Pearl?…..

“Work is not an end in itself; there must always be time enough for love.” — Robert Heinlein
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“I put aside my copy of “BOWLING WORLD” and think about GUN CONTROL legislation..” — Zippy the Pinhead

You know, the most amazing thing, to me, about this whole issue with the spying on our telephone and computer data by the government? It is the absolute genuine surprise on the part of the administration at how upset everyone (i.e. the public, or, more simply, “us”…) is over this issue. It’s as if they can’t believe that people are actually upset that the government is collecting all of our phone conversations, and all of our email correspondence, in order to, according to them, “defeat terrorism”.

They, in their absolute confidence in their own rightness, are having a hard time with the fact that NONE of the rest of the populace, at least, none of those outside of the government itself, agrees with them….. For some unknown reason (well, you know it, and I know it, but, they don’t….), they think they can do whatever they want in the pursuit of their imaginary demons, and we’re all supposed to fall right in line with that…. In truth, it makes me feel a little better about things when I think about the reaction by the public; I had almost given up on them ever caring at all what the BRC did to them….

I’m not going to rant again today about this; it’s all over the news, and many people are presenting some well-thought-out, and well-researched and -written articles on the subject, probably much better than I could do. I like to think I’d be funnier, but, that isn’t necessarily of importance to such pieces, so, for now, I’m leaving it to them to distribute the information people need to be clear on the issue. Clarity is necessary, because this is one of the best opportunities we, as the public, have had in some time to bring light to bear on the clandestine activities being perpetrated on us by our supposed leaders….. I think it is important NOT to let them off the hook on this, and bring all the pressure we can to make reforms, at least in this one area….

Rather than rant, though, I will put together another pearl on this subject, because I believe that the more we hold the BRC up for examination, whether that regard is focused on humor, their (absent) virtue, their chicanery, or just their displays of idiocy, it’s a good thing to keep to keep the light focused on them as long as possible. If we don’t hold our leaders, such as they are, up for our criticism of their acts against us, then, who will? They certainly aren’t going to be pulling their own covers, or showing off their latest theft from us; it’s in their best interests to keep as much of that away from our attention as they are able to do. So, I’ll keep on making fun of them, just as long as they keep lying to us….

Therefore, here is another seven-star pearl, with the clear intent of either making fun of, or bringing unwanted exposure to, our Beloved Ruling Class, and all of their myrmidons…. (a great word, go ahead, look it up….) (No, I’m serious, you need to look it up, or the first quote won’t make any sense to you….) (Of course, none of it MAY make any sense, but, I do what I can, and no more….) (Ah, the hell with it, it means, essentially, “faceless minions in vast numbers, set to do their bidding”….)

The Bible is true this I know,
For the Bible tells me so.

— Jordan Henderson

“Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give you the signal.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
(One of the first recorded instances of a President using computer programming techniques on the public….)

“An election year is the time politicians want to help us out of all the trouble they got us into in the first place.” — Smart Bee

“Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing Naugahyde pipeline running straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the dollar!” — Zippy the Pinhead

“Muddy water let stand becomes clear.” — Lao Tse

“Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper.” — Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)

“If life is merely a joke, the question still remains: For whose amusement?” — Smart Bee

Well, there you have it…. I can’t make it any clearer than that….. Well, perhaps I can…. we’ll try later…..
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I only have one thing to say about this morning’s choice of poems…. Take note, for you are reading the work of a genius…..

Reflection On A Wicked World

Purity
Is obscurity.

~~ Ogden Nash ~~

So Does Everybody Else, Only Not So Much

O all ye exorcizers come and exorcize now, and ye clergymen draw nigh and clerge, For I wish to be purged of an urge. It is an irksome urge, compounded of nettles and glue, And it is turning all my friends back into acquaintances, and all my acquaintances into people who look the other way when I heave into view. It is an indication that my mental buttery is butterless and my mental larder lardless, And it consists not of “Stop me if you’ve heard this one,” but of “I know you’ve heard this one because I told it to you myself, but I’m going to tell it to you again regardless,” Yes I fear I am living beyond my mental means. When I realize that it is not only anecdotes that I reiterate but what is far worse, summaries of radio programs and descriptions of cartoons in newspapers and magazines. I want to resist but I cannot resist recounting the bright sayings of celebrities that everybody already is familiar with every word of; I want to refrain but cannot refrain from telling the same audience on two successive evenings the same little snatches of domestic gossip about people I used to know that they have never heard of. When I remember some titillating episode of my childhood I figure that if it’s worth narrating once it’s worth narrating twice, in spite of lackluster eyes and dropping jaws, And indeed I have now worked my way backward from titillating episodes in my own childhood to titillating episodes in the childhood of my parents or even my parents-in-laws, And what really turns my corpuscles to ice, I carry around clippings and read them to people twice. And I know what I am doing while I am doing it and I don’t want to do it but I can’t help doing it and I am just another Ancient Mariner, And the prospects for my future social life couldn’t possibly be barrener. Did I tell you that the prospects for my future social life couldn’t be barrener?

~~ Ogden Nash ~~

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As often is the case at this point, I have no rantable material available for this section…. Oh, subject matter isn’t an issue, only the degree of angst available to drive it to the proper pitch. Anything less than shrill just doesn’t get anyone’s attention, or release enough of the angst for duty elsewhere…. Such is life, as we say in the blog world (like that is an actual place, with inhabitants, and all that implies….).  What this means in terms of reality is another pearl of a random nature…. I’ll see what Smart Bee starts off with; that will provide me with a search parameter. Then, when I’ve got an idea in mind, I’ll do a fast cruise through the dB, and pick out the best pearls to make the point….

All this doesn’t generally take very long, but, this morning, it could take a while, as I’ve already put SB through some heavy paces…. We’ll see how it’s holding up…. You may use the first quote you see as the certificate of entitlement for the remainder of the pearl….

“What about reality, you ask?  Well, as far as I’m concerned, reality can go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.” — Stephen King
(This is possibly the best single pearl I have ever encountered!…)

“How often I found where I should be going only by setting out for somewhere else.” — R. Buckminster Fuller
(Okay, that’s a good one, too….)

“How pleasant then to be insane.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald
(Ooh, ooh! Me, too!….)

“Are we at last brought to such a humiliating and debasing degradation, that we cannot be trusted with arms for our own defense? Where is the difference between having our arms in our own possession and under our own direction, and having them under the management of Congress? If our defense be the _real_ object of having those arms, in whose hands can they be trusted with more propriety, or equal safety to us, as in our own hands?”
— Patrick Henry
(Whoops…. a bit of direction change there, eh?…. Let’s see where it takes us….

“Silence gives consent.” — Smart Bee, channeling the sages of all ages…
(Yep, that’s a good one, as well… nice job, SB… That’s five, let’s find two more, to finish strong….)

“Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage.” — John Updike, Couples
(Hmm….)

“Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most Souls would scarcely get your Feet wet.  Fall not in Love, therefore: it will stick to your face.” — National Lampoon, “Deteriorata”
(Oh no! What happened? You did that deliberately, didn’t you… Well, no way, Bubba… try again… Two, and both have to be good…)

“Don’t SAY things. What you ARE stands over you the while, and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson — Social Aims

“I have been a stranger in a strange land.” — Old Testament — Exodus ii, 22

Okay, that will do…. It’s not perfect, but, it’s relatively inoffensive while still being obscurely disturbing…  It had better do. I’m out of quotes…. Smart Bee went on strike after this last one, so, we’re done here; you can thank me later….
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Or, you can thank me now, as it is now completely done, and your suffering is at an end. So is mine, for today… Well, I do have to go read it again, to at least make a try to find the typos that are always there, so, I may as well get that done, too….

Whew! Well, I can see now, I’ll be handing out the E tickets at the beginning of today’s ride, as it takes off through the numberless corridors and infinitude of dead-end tunnels of my mind…. Come to think of it, I should probably check to make sure my insurance is paid up, and that all the safety equipment is in place, before I post…. Oh well, I can’t be responsible for those who don’t trouble to stick their own clouds of preconceived notions in their pocket before coming on board…. They’ll have to take their chances along with the rest of us….

That all being said, I think it came out pretty well, if a bit flagrantly scattered. Hmm, nice…. “Flagrantly scattered” might just be a new iconic phrase to describe this blog; don’t be surprised to see it again somewhere…. Sorry, distracted again; it’s happening a lot today…. Any who, I guess, since this is the closing section, I should bring this to a close, so, I will…. TTFN….  Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…. Oh, and, Blessed Be…. (No, I’m not Wiccan, but, I like the thought…. it fits in with my concept of “good vibrations”….)(Plus, it will, from this day on, always be there, at the end of every post, as a tribute to, and to specifically direct it to, my friend Carole, to add to her good vibrations, in her fight against the big C….)

When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.

Which is Why….

Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.

gigoid

dozer3

Odd raptors, but honest…..

Ffolkes,
At this hour of the morning, I don’t need this kind of aggravation, not from my own physique. But, rather than fall into complaints about stuff there isn’t much I can do to fix, at least for the moment, we’ll turn in a different direction, and feel the wind of inspiration brushing seductively against our cheeks, whispering softly and sweetly, bringing us happily to…… a roll of duct tape?

Yup… that’s my inspirational vision for the morning. I leave myself open to possibility…. I close my eyes, and allow no negative thoughts to disturb me while absorbing, and tremble with anticipation for the glories to come…. and what I get is duct tape….. a big, partially used roll of silver duct tape…. Yes, duct tape…You know, “If it can’t be fixed with Vise-Grips & duct tape, it can’t be fixed.”… yeah, that stuff. I’m guessing here, but I think I’m supposed to use the tape as a metaphor, for something in life that my subconscious has been chewing on, and wants to express in a seriously light-hearted yet elegant treatment. It’s the only thing I can figure out, and since I’m not getting any stiff arguments from that sector of the organization, I must be on the right track with it…..

Well, that’s just too bad…. I’m not writing about duct tape, or turning it into anything, other than a way to keep the new glass in the old window frame (I told you, it was a tough night, what with the zombie attack at 2 AM, and the toilet explosion before that, and… well, forget it, another time…..). I’m not at all concerned about how my subconscious has spent all this time reflecting on such a ridiculous concept, nor do I intend to give in to it; I do have certain standards to maintain, (well, one, anyway…. I have vowed to publish no crap before it stinks just right…..), and duct tape just doesn’t hit the right notes to sing in that choir…. but, fortunately, it is moot, because we can always Pearl….. Shall we?…..
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WARNING: The following entry is not suitable for those with delicate sensibilities…. If you do not appreciate the humor in such historical genre classics as seen in editions of Punch, The National Lampoon, or Mad Magazine, or if you don’t grok the underlying metaphoric qualities of Curly Joe, and the Three Stooges, you may wish to skip down to the following section….

“Beans, beans the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more you…..”  Well, you know the rest, I’m sure…..

This month, as a new chapter in the ongoing saga of a relative newbie to the world of poverty-level grocery buying, the pantry here at the old homestead has gotten a little sparse on variety. Most of what is left are the items that I keep for this very reason, i.e., it’s cheap and filling stuff, suitable for the stretch run to payday. Unfortunately, it also consists of items I rarely eat, for diverse reasons, mostly to do with preferences, but sometimes due to how they affect me physically. One such item, which all of us in this country have had exposure to, at one time or another, is a can of Boston Baked Beans; an off-brand that was on sale somewhere a while back, that has been moving around from corner to corner in there for months on end. Yesterday, on a whim, I decided to use them, having an urge for something I hadn’t had for a long time; they sounded as if they would fit the bill just right.

What I had forgotten was its status as one of the items I put off using because of its physical effect on me…. I ate about a third of the can for lunch, mixed with some risotto, added some chopped, seasoned hot dogs, & hotted up the whole mess in the microwave. Different, filling as all get out, and quite tasty for such an odd combination.  Then, I forgot about it, getting busy with answering emails and reading yesterday’s posts from fellow bloggers, followed by a visit from my friend of longest standing, whom I have known since age 10. About 3 hours after lunch, after he had left to meet his S.O., the concert began…..

The key element I’d overlooked in my hunger for something old, something new on which to chow down, was that these were baked BEANS…. and ever since I turned about 40 (quite some time ago now….), this particular type of beans invariably brings on a veritable storm of intestinal flatulence, and once started, continues to create increasing amounts of pressurized air bubbles, maximizing the output until reaching for a crescendo. This all happens over the course of about an hour and a half, with the uncomfortable, but fascinating, physical process producing some of the most melodious, certainly the loudest, and most versatile and compelling sounds ever produced by the human body…..from any orifice….

I count it as lucky that my friend had already left when the concert began; having known each other for over 50 years, I might never have been able to completely live it down before one of us kicks in the bucket, and would no doubt have spent hours trying to erase it from my Facebook timeline… of course, that realization wouldn’t have hit me until we had recovered from the impossible-to-stop insane laughter that the volume of the first note alone would have produced. Having been, sad to say, a captive audience for the complete performance, I can attest that the melody, and the tempo, would doubtless have produced an equally strong reaction of uncontrollable mirth and hilarity, which, at our age, could have been downright dangerous…. but it was kinda catchy, and had a beat you could dance to…. I gave it a 3 out of 5….

Ah yes, aging is indeed not for the weak of heart….. or the forgetful…. anybody want some leftover beans?…. gratis, they are… eating them again, I will not be…. even for Yoda, not….
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“If a million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.” — Anatole France

As time goes by this election year, the evidence in support of this little observation is piling higher and higher, with each time another microphone catches the latest gaffe issuing from a random candidate’s speaking orifice. Surely, t’is a sign of impending doom to realize that for each of the bozos who are parading around, showing us theirs (did I ask to see that? No…. but, there it is….), somewhere out there in our midst, hiding in plain sight, are literally millions of people who are buying into their nonsense and vitriol. The bigotry, and hatred, and racism, and elitism that seem to be the qualifying characteristics of prospective candidates this elective cycle are not only being bought by masses of people, (to whom it is like manna from heaven to hear their brightest fantasies, of living in an all-white, all-Christian world, given voice, and, sadly, screen time), but are being given not only credence, but glorification. To be honest, it makes me want to puke….. and, make sure my ammo is dry…..

“When the going gets tough, the smart get an AR-15. And a shotgun. And…” — James P. Callison

And bear unmov’d the wrongs of base mankind,
The last and hardest conquest of the mind.
— Alexander Pope (1688-1744) — The Odyssey of Homer, Book xiii, Line 353
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“Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other, and scarcely in that; for it is true, we may give advice, but we cannot give conduct. Remember this: They that will not be counseled cannot be helped. If you do not hear reason she will rap you over the knuckles.” — Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) — Maxims prefixed to Poor Richard’s Almanac, 1757

This is good…. and especially so for Ben; he had a tendency to be somewhat mundane and boring with most of his ‘Maxims’. Even here, his metaphor for reason could use a little punching up, as an editor might say. I usually prefer to state that particular idea as, “if you don’t give reality it’s proper attention, it will gleefully slap you upside the head until you do.”  It’s exactly the same lesson, but gives a clearer, and more accurate, picture of the consequences of not staying alert to reality’s protocols.

But, I also like this because it has another lesson, about those who deliberately choose to ignore this warning, and how we must allow them to experience the folly of their own choices, along with the resultant pain and indignity that comes with those choices, provided so generously by the dimension of reality we inhabit. The only thing in the entire universe that is subject to our control is ourselves; we cannot prevent their pain, nor should we, as we then deny them the opportunity to experience the lesson of how to succeed that comes with every instance of defeat. Tough to watch, sometimes, if we care for the person, but no less important for them for us to stay back, and let reality have it’s way…. it will anyway, no matter what we do, or think about it…..

And here, poor fool, with all my lore
I stand no wiser than before.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
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Is it legal to advocate the long overdue overthrow of a corrupt government?”– Aloysius I.A. Anonymous

In light of the state of the union, official reports aside, this asks a pertinent, and possibly worthy question for consideration when offered in the sense of what I call juris prominence, or, in short, as being in support of the absolute arbitration right of the jury.  It is a well-documented point of Constitutional law that gives any jury in a case under trial the absolute right to declare innocence, even in the face of the letter of the law, if they believe the law is wrongly applied, or not germane to justice in the case under deliberation, OR even if they think the law is just wrong, morally or by custom…… that is, provided jury trials are still allowed in days to come, or rather, days that are already here…..

“If the jury feels the law is unjust, we recognize the undisputed power of the jury to acquit, even if its verdict is contrary to the law as given by a judge, and contrary to the evidence … and the courts must abide by that decision.” — US v Moylan, 4th Circuit Court of Appeals, 1969, 417 F.2d at 1006

This archaic, but powerful, right of the American people may be the final protection we have in cases I can see in the future, now that the government has committed so many corrupt acts designed to circumvent the provisions of both the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights. These acts, though not the first, nor the most recent of their kind, still can be considered to be under one umbrella, that of the Executive Order Theory, the so-far unchallenged belief that the Executive Branch has the right to suspend the rights outlined in those documents under the deliberately vague guise of ‘threats to national security’, without any definition of what those threats may be, and no oversight as to the duration or extent of the suspension of rights to be erased, er, “suspended temporarily”.

They just make their own laws that say they can, and poof, Rights all gone….. no protesting, no gathering, no voicing objections, no printing exposures or criticisms, no recourse to the courts…. what is next? No right to bear arms?….. No voting?…… No term limits?…… No life, without submission to “registration”?   I guess the choice about all this is up to us….. for the moment….. but, let’s not wait too long, shall we?…… These “executive orders” have already been signed, and are now in effect in this country….. It’s all been “Authorized!”…. and you can bet it will be enforced at the point of a gun….

“One of the saddest lessons of history is this:  If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle.  We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth.  The bamboozle has captured us.  it is simply too painful to acknowledge — even to ourselves — that we’ve been so credulous.  (So the old bamboozles tend to persist as the new bamboozles rise.)” — Carl Sagan, “The Fine Art of Baloney Detection,” Parade, February 1, 1987
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I couldn’t resist adding this today, as a bonus round, so to speak…. this has got to be considered as possibly the most creative haiku possible for a Westerner to write, though, to be truthful, I don’t know who wrote it. Perfect structure, suitably obscure, yet clear, it meets all the essential standards of classic haiku, but with the added fillip of a most Carlinesque observation…… priceless!…. enjoy…..

Haiku’s inventor
must have had seven fingers
on his middle hand.

Well, Murphy will have his say…. I had intended this to be extra today, but circumstances have forced my hand, aided by the ever-welcome presence of serendipity.  In a search to find the last quote for today’s lineup, the following presented itself, and fit this section so well, I decided to go with the flow…. thus, we have another poem in the haiku tradition, but by someone whose mastery is unquestionable… so, enjoy again!…

Around existence twine,
(Oh, bridge that hangs across the gorge!)
ropes of twisted vine.
— Basho
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I admit to a certain amount of relief at coming to an end to today’s offerings; it has had its moments of struggle, and has taken no small amount of effort to persevere….. but, there is always a touch of melancholy, too, in reaching an ending. This lasts only until I remember that it remains my choice as to whether this ending becomes yet another beginning…. then, I go take a nap….. It’s been nothing if not real, ffolkes…. y’all take care out there….

P.S.  I haven’t forgotten about my siege on WordPress; I wrote a long note yesterday to someone, and will give them the courtesy of a full day to reply…. more on this as matters progress…. Blessed Be, brothers and sisters….


Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.

gigoid

Kowabunga!