All those attending the apocalypse, board here….

Ffolkes,

“It is a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won’t go.”

~~ Bertrand Russell ~~

9-1-2014 005

    What vivid, beautiful morning glories! (Well, I THINK they’re morning glories; if not, can a gardener tell me what they are? I’m clueless about plant ID’s….) I’m happy with this shot, simple as it is, because of the colors that came through in the final result…. gorgeous plant, it was, and the only pictures I managed to get on that walk, were of it, and its flowers…. Out of the four or six shots I took, (shaky hands, couldn’t get one centered…. I was on my way to the magic cream shop, in dire need of their products….), this one, and a study of the whole plant, which was in a yard next to a store, were lovely enough to use for today, and tomorrow’s Pearl…. sufficient reward for the misery I had to endure to get to the store….

And, you are NOT going to believe this one…. Last night, I slept (yes, slept… Me, gigoid, sleeping….  quite a concept, eh?) for ten hours, straight and solid, with only two awakenings, to take the scheduled opiate…. I feel GREAT! (Well, I’m discounting the hips and shoulder, which are in their standard state, but, a bit of the ol’ magical topical cream, and I’m good to go…. You may have already noticed how my mood is at a level of, oh, I’d say, a good three steps from usual…. I really don’t know what to do with it; I haven’t suffered this much ‘good will toward men’ in ages…. Maybe I should go out tonight, & try my luck at meeting somebody new…. Nah, I’ll just enjoy the glow….

Besides, by 10 AM, if the world’s routine hasn’t altered significantly, my arthritis should be kicking in, and I’ll be back to the steeplechase, running as slowly as I can, chasing after the pain, trying to knock it down far enough to stop, if nothing else, the whimpering, which tend to embarrass me, even though nobody can hear me when I cry out…. SIGH…. It’s been a tough week, if you couldn’t tell….

Enough whining, though, I feel too good to be pessimistic about how long it will last… I’ll just take advantage of the moment, and enjoy feeling relatively normal, at least for a while…. Plus, look, it gave me enough to fill in this space, which means we can use one of the emergency release mechanisms we have in place, to get us out of here, and onward into the rest of today’s mess, er, missive… Whattyathink, eh? Shall we use #4? It IS sitting right there, ready…. Okay, we’ll do that….

Shall we Pearl?

” — I’d love to, but…  I have to study for a blood test.” — 79 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO

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“Distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful.” — Nietzsche, “Thus Spake Zarathustra”

I’ve been writing a lot recently on this subject; one reason makes itself obvious today, or, more accurately, was demonstrated yesterday, as several stories in the news caught my attention, stories that demonstrate the ubiquitous seriousness of the issue, that of the militarization of the police, with the concomitant result, and motivating factor, of the elimination of the basic rights as covered in the original US Bill of Rights, the first ten amendments to the US Constitution…. If you think, even for a moment, that you have all those rights by law, in today’s world, then, ffolkes, and, folks….. y’all just aren’t paying close enough attention to what is happening, right in front of you….

In support of that obviously arguable contention, I offer the following discussion, with two appropriate expressions as a preface:

“No sheath shall hold what finds its home in flesh.” — Proverb

“The law hath not been dead, though it hath slept.” — William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Measure for Measure — Act ii, Sc. 2

http://www.sfgate.com/news/article/Fast-food-protests-expected-in-push-for-higher-pay-5732532.php

Oh…. I get it now…. We, the citizens, are now allowed to protest, without fear of arrest by overzealous police forces, UNLESS we are “disruptive to traffic”, or refrain from “blocking streets”, as a way to express our grievances, to petition the government for redress of those grievances… Sounds to me like the same line of reasoning used by the large communication companies, such as Verizon, or AT&T, (as well as just about ALL companies these days…. they all saw how well it worked for the big guys, & jumped right on that wagon…), who make it impossible to even SPEAK to an actual live person, to try to address any issues of customer service….

They all say their primary goal is customer satisfaction, or, in the case of the police, the protection of the rights of the public, but, have arranged matters (i.e., passed laws…) that enable them to refuse to speak, or listen to anyone who wishes to obtain any such thing…. Same same attitude, in my book…. They don’t want to talk to us, and they don’t want to listen to any complaints about that, or about anything else…. so, they’ve made it damn near impossible to exercise the right we were allegedly guaranteed by the sacrifices of our ancestors….

“The simple rights, the civil liberties from generations of struggle must not be just fine words for patriotic holidays, words we subvert on weekdays, but living, honored rules of conduct amongst us…I’m glad the American Civil Liberties Union gets indignant, and I hope this will always be so.” — Senator Adlai E. Stevenson

(Obviously, by the evidence of this, and other quotes from the good Senator, and, because I was around to watch the rest of the established incumbent politicians of the era, who were, ostensibly, his peers, deliberately and ruthlessly destroy his credibility, and his reputation, with lies, innuendo, and political skulduggery, thus effectively shutting him up, and preventing him from causing any real harm to them, or their incumbency, it’s clear, to me, and to many others, Adlai was one of the rare exceptions to the established rule….)

http://blog.sfgate.com/crime/2014/09/03/black-oakland-firefighter-says-white-cop-held-him-at-gunpoint/?cmpid=hp-hc-bayarea

According to this one, the officer involved was acting “within policy”…. So, by that standard, it’s okay, policy-wise, to profile, to NOT call for backup, to use intimidation as a method of controlling a situation, and to assume that the officer saying, “Sorry” for being a total asshole, is sufficient reason to ‘overlook’ his behavior from the police’s obviously expert, objective viewpoint….. Right…..

“If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun!” — Zippy the Pinhead

Doesn’t this bother anyone else, but me? Why is it okay for the police to act like this, without any consequences at all for the officer involved, and the department that encourages this sort of asininity? Can ANYONE explain this to me, any way at all? I’m pretty smart, and will be able to understand just about anything that makes any sense, from any objective standpoint, based on a full understanding of the intent of the founders of the Constitution when they created that document, and a pretty extensive knowledge of human nature, so, any sort of evidence will do….

“Pluck out the heart of my mystery.” — William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet — Act iii, Sc. 2

I’m willing to bet, some serious money, that there is no one who will, or can, respond to those questions, at least, not in any way that will lessen the responsibility for immoral, unethical, and illegal actions of the policeman, and the department that echoes the WRONG attitudes of almost every other force in this country, and all over the world…. I say this because I’ve looked for any such evidence, already, many times, and have yet to find anything to alter the way I look at it, not by the analysis of the available FACTUAL evidence….

Ever since the middle of the nineteenth century, the government of this country, (and, by that, I am including all three branches, which are supposed to balance each other’s powers, thereby protecting us, the People….) has been under the influence and control of corporate interests, which translates as the monied elite, who have, and will protect viciously, all the “legal” rights they now possess, rights to the control of almost ALL the resources available to society…. With this influence, hard-won by the bribing of a major Federal Court judge in the mid-1800’s, some legal rulings were made, rulings that defined corporations as “persons”, with the legal rights of a person, and, more, providing a legal precedent for future flunkies, er, judges to fall back on….

PRECEDENT, n.  In Law, a previous decision, rule or practice which, in the absence of a definite statute, has whatever force and authority a Judge may choose to give it, thereby greatly simplifying his task of doing as he pleases.  As there are precedents for everything, he has only to ignore those that make against his interest and accentuate those in the line of his desire.  Invention of the precedent elevates the trial-at-law from the low estate of a fortuitous ordeal to the noble attitude of a dirigible arbitrament.” — Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil’s Dictionary”

This opened the door to other rulings, all of which, over the years, based on the original decision, and, all of which, essentially, give more and more of the rights we flesh and blood citizens have to those “corporate persons”, such that, now, corporations not only have MORE rights than any single citizen, composed of mere flesh and blood, but, have extended their control, using the same basic method of bribery, to the other two branches….. They did so in Congress, by convincing that august body to vote itself the right to make laws that were separate from those that were Constitutional, thereby making them not subject to the same restrictions that now define that document…. In other words, they voted themselves the keys to the treasury….

(Some time, if you get a chance, check out the health plan that the members of Congress, and other Federal government elected officials, are set up with when they get elected, along with their retirement plans…. You will be shocked at what they have given themselves over the years, all without even notifying any of the public what was going on…. Most of the American public is not even AWARE that a member of Congress, when they leave that august body, get to keep their health plan (much better than any available to the public, more extensive coverage, and free of any out of pocket cost to them….), AND their congressional salary, now in the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS range….. FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES….. even if only elected to one term…. Pretty good deal they’ve handed themselves, eh, what?….. If you are ANYTHING like me, it will convince you to go buy a gun, and to use it…..)

The Executive Branch, while attempting to maintain the appearance of independence and proper assumption of its Constitutional duty, fell in with those same shadowy corporate snakeheads on Wall Street, and came up with the simple concept of “Executive privilege”, giving themselves the power to make laws, bypassing Congress, and, thus, the people, altogether…. Cute, eh? And, clever, too, for making it all seem as if the White House, Congress, and the Courts, were, and are, all doing their jobs, providing balance to the powers of government…. when, in fact, the people of this country have NO ONE representing their interests, in any level, in any branch of our government….

There are 455 very rich, white men, (with a very few exceptions to that particular description….) who determine the course of life in this country…. add it up yourself. Their average income is over a million dollars…. the average, mind you… Many of them are multi-millionaires, many times over…. What do they know of the lives of the common man? How can anyone believe they would have the same set of interests to pursue, or that the agendas they hold are, in ANY way, concerned with making things better for anyone but themselves….

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” — Mark Twain

As I said, there are a very few exceptions, who, basically, are powerless to change any part of the big picture…. too much money, power, and inertia working against them… Plus, every one of those at that level, who accidentally make it to the national stage, and are those who would work for the people, sincerely and honestly, are always isolated by the rest, to make them completely ineffective…. witness the only moral president of the last century, Jimmy Carter…. from the current crop of Congressmen with any honor at all, I’d say Al Franken comes closest, and he is under massive political assault, by the Republican Party, the Tea Party, AND the Koch Brother’s Super PAC, Citizens United….)

Ah yes, Citizens United…. that famous Supreme Court decision, which makes my contention, about the bought-and-paid for servile indenturing of the Supreme Court, not so very hard to believe, giving, as it did, the very clear message the Court’s belief in the sacred status of corporate personhood, and the inviolability of corporations to do whatever they must to protect and preserve their bottom line, which is the profit they make on all the predatory hoarding of resources, and the control that gives them over society and culture at large…. Anything at all that interferes with smooth flow of money into their coffers is not to be allowed….

There is a bill now in the Senate, awaiting a vote, that, if passed, will do away with the decision by the Court re: corporate donations to political campaigns; it is a Constitutional Amendment, which was the ONLY way to stop the decision from becoming the law of the land. It will prevent the corporations from having completely unlimited power to influence elections, by removing the restrictions they, as corporate persons, to political campaigns, effectively halting the formation and continued existence of Super-PAC’s, such as Citizens United….

You know, the one owned by the Koch brothers, ultra-conservative billionaires, with a sense of entitlement you have to see to believe…. incredible assholes, both of them…. Sorry, just can’t stand people like that, who have no compassion or “fellow-feeling”; in my estimation, they do not deserve to be called human, and, to be honest, I consider them to be a total waste of sperm….

This government, as it now exists, has NOTHING to do with the Constitution that allegedly forms the basis for its existence…. Almost every statement in the Constitution, especially in the amendments that make up the Bill of Rights, is no longer in force, essentially, and we can no longer count those rights as anything but a memory….

The experiment in government started by our founding fathers, who wanted a government that would protect and support the people, not oppress them, as every other government in history has done to its citizenry; once in power, every human being alive seems to fall prey to the urge to put aside all of their compassion, all of their integrity, and all their altruism, whereupon, they begin to make changes, that will ultimately server their ends, which are ONLY concerned with meeting their own needs, not those of the people…. It has happened EVERY TIME….

I challenge ANYONE to find an example, anywhere in the past 5000 years, of a government that demonstrated any appreciable degree of care for the people, ahead of what was important to the ruling class…. Just one will do, because even that will provide hope that it can be done….  but, I’m a pretty well-read guy, and I can’t think, or remember, any government in history who were considered to be any such thing as “compassionate” or that actually made life better for its citizenry….

As one of the Shrubs said one time, “Bring it on….”

I think that’s all…. I cant, at this point, think of anything more to add to this discussion, so, why don’t we give it up now, and move on….

“Sorry, my mind was on edible underwear today.” — Smart Bee, providing gigoid with an excuse for the above….

Whoops! How’d that get in here? Oh, I remember…. After the somber sobriety of the above politirant, I went to look for an appropriate pearl to close with, whereupon I found this, & couldn’t resist…. Okay, here is a proper thought with which to end this piece….

“May you have eyes like a hawk and a spouse with warts.” — Smart Bee, being a smart ass….

Sorry, I’m  not taking the rap for that one; it’s on SB…. It just showed up when I pasted the right pearl, I THOUGHT…. THIS is the proper ending I was looking for, when I was so rudely interrupted, by a bloody database!……

“A conqueror is always a lover of peace.” — Karl von Clausewitz (1780-1831)

~~ from “On war”; copied by Lenin in his notebook, with notation, “Ah, Ah, witty”. ~~

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Whew! Good thing the first half of that rant was already done, or I’d have been there forever this morning…. After that, I need something to cheer me up a little bit…. no, make that a LOT…. I know…. In this mood, some pure, cold, clean, powerful brilliance is just the ticket…. Since none of mine quite fit that bill, this one will do just fine….

Witch Burning

In the marketplace they are piling the dry sticks.
A thicket of shadows is a poor coat. I inhabit
The wax image of myself, a doll’s body.
Sickness begins here: I am the dartboard for witches.
Only the devil can eat the devil out.
In the month of red leaves I climb to a bed of fire.

It is easy to blame the dark: the mouth of a door,
The cellar’s belly. They’ve blown my sparkler out.
A black-sharded lady keeps me in parrot cage.
What large eyes the dead have!
I am intimate with a hairy spirit.
Smoke wheels from the beak of this empty jar.

If I am a little one, I can do no harm.
If I don’t move about, I’ll knock nothing over. So I said,
Sitting under a potlid, tiny and inert as a rice grain.
They are turning the burners up, ring after ring.
We are full of starch, my small white fellows. We grow.
It hurts at first. The red tongues will teach the truth.

Mother of beetles, only unclench your hand:
I’ll fly through the candle’s mouth like a singeless moth.
Give me back my shape. I am ready to construe the days
I coupled with dust in the shadow of a stone.
My ankles brighten. Brightness ascends my thighs.
I am lost, I am lost, in the robes of all this light.

~~ Sylvia Plath ~~

“Poetry is the eloquence of truth.” — Joseph Campbell


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Boy…. reading Sylvia is certainly a roller-coaster of an experience, isn’t it? I feel lots better now; all the lingering dregs of angst and resentment at the shenanigans of the BRC, and the rest of the asininnies,  have departed, forthwith, leaving me relatively normal, in re: all-around feelings of contentment with life…. Since I’m 63 years old, I know that won’t last forever, or even very long, so, I’m intent on enjoying every minute of it….

Do be, do be, doo….

Okay, that’s enough normal for me…. I’m going to do what I do, which is put together a fresh, random harlequin style pearl, with parameters set at the extreme end of SILLY, right smack up against the backside of INSANITY…. Should be fun!…. Let’s go annoy Smart Bee for a while, okay? Okay! Let’s go!….

“It is a mistake to think of all demons as being exactly alike. Some are short while others are tall; some are yellow, others are blue; some are nasty and others are extremely nasty. Some of the nastiest are quite fast as well. Should you encounter one of these, it is a mistake to think at all. Much more appropriate are such responses as running, screaming, and the very rapid formation of a last will and testament.” — The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. IX

“Reality does not exist – yet.” — Smart Bee

“If I kiss you, that is a psychological interaction.  On the other hand, if I hit you over the head with a brick, that is also a psychological interaction. The difference is that one is friendly and the other is not so friendly. The crucial point is if you can tell which is which.” — Dolph Sharp, I’m O.K., You’re Not So Hot

“Being normal is driving me crazy.” — Smart Bee (who obviously was listening all those times gigoid was talking to himself…. he thought….)

“The mind is everything,” wrote Proust. No doubt true, when you’re dead from the neck down.” — Edward Abbey

“Fear always springs from ignorance.” — Smart Bee, and, the Bhagavad Gita, paraphrased

“For I never have seen, and never shall see, that the cessation of the evidence of existence is necessarily evidence of the cessation of existence.” — De Morgan (1839-1917)

— Bother! said Pooh,as he rolled over into the wet spot.

(Oops, sorry, that was supposed to go somewhere else…. oh, well, we’re on fun mode, so, I’ll let it stay….)

“The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.” — Mark Twain

“Before you criticize people, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ve got a mile-long head start. And you have their shoes.” — The Lion

“I’d rather learn from one bird how to sing than to teach ten thousand stars how not to dance.” — ee cummings

“As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.” — Henry David Thoreau

When I was a little boy, I had but a little wit,
‘Tis a long time ago, and I have no more yet;
Nor ever ever shall, until that I die,
For the longer I live the more fool am I.

 — “Wit and Mirth, an Antidote against Melancholy” (1684)

Okay…. I know, I went a bit overboard, again; chalk it up to having so much energy, after my marathon sleep last night…. Bonus: You have, and I have, without realizing it, witnessed the creation of the very first 13-star pearl…. I have no clue as to how it happened, other than forgetting where I was while collecting…. The clipboard appends each quote, but, doesn’t allow me to look at it, to count, before pasting… It doesn’t matter, at all, really, because, in this case, it worked, just fine, which is a word we could easily use to describe this pearl… Without getting overly wordy, or overly long, these 13 ideas present us with some fine entertainment, and a few pokes in the conscience, as well as a good portion of silliness… I like it….

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So much for serendipity and planning…. In spite of the sleep, and, in spite of the plan my unseasonably clear mind came up with this morning, I’m running a little late…. this, even though over half the rant was already done… But, when I sat to go over it, it just got me going again…. Then, the long pearl in section three got going…. Happily, it’s done, and I’m not going to fuss with it…. I will see y’all tomorrow, with who knows what new and exciting ideas, given an entire day of relative clear-mindedness? Not me, certainly, though I’ve got as much chance as anyone of guessing…. But, where would be the fun in that?…. Bye, for now….

Y’all take care out there,
and May the Metaphorse be with you;
Blessed Be, dearest  Carole, Mark, and Theresa…
and everyone else, too…

When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.

Which is Why….

Sometimes I sits and thinks,
   and sometimes,
I just sits.

gigoid, the dubious

PLEASE STOP READING THIS MESSAGE NOW.

Kowabunga!

Adequate portions will not be forthcoming….

Ffolkes,
It is unclear to me, even when I most try to understand, just how I’m supposed to cope with the different issues that keep arising. Without getting detailed or graphic, allow me to just say that I have three medical conditions that cause me either physical and/or emotional pain on a daily basis. Sometimes, only one is active, or giving me a problem. Sometimes, there are two of them working at once to drag me down. And some days, like yesterday, and, so far, today, all three of them bless me with their own particular demands for my attention, whether to merely acknowledge what cannot be changed, or to cope with symptoms that become extremely out of control or prominent. When all three are clamoring for my mind’s time, they each have their own little ways of grabbing the attention they want…..

One has to do with pain, of a muscular type, and is the most easily controlled; usually extra medication and time will fix it. Another, unfortunately, doesn’t respond to that kind of treatment, and requires a different approach to avoiding issues, essentially dietary boundaries that must be maintained. The last is the most insidious, and strikes in my mind, the depression and tears and guilt that swamps me at times, and only can be dissipated by spending a long time trying to do something positive, or other kinds of activities that distract me from the dark thoughts that come with the emotions…..

None of them are any fun, to speak of. And days like this, when all three are active, are massive challenges to get through. Today may be especially hard, for environmental reasons that I won’t go into right now…. If you can’t tell, I’m trying really hard to be discrete, and to not turn this into another litany of complaints, that only serves to worry those who care about me, and I don’t want to upset anyone for something that I have to do on a daily basis…. today, and yesterday, have just been a bit more difficult…. lots of back and abdominal pain, interspersed with tears, guilt, and adrenaline rushes, and aftereffects of adrenaline, which, in me, lasts for hours and hours…..

That part is over, so today becomes a challenge for two types of pain, which isn’t so hard to deal with, in one sense…. Once I’ve finished this morning’s Pearl, the only task I have for the day is to make it down to the library to post and check the yahoo email, and I’ve become accustomed enough to the walk that I think I can do it without any extra difficulty, as long as I rest up well first…. No worries, as the library is open until 9 tonight….. Easy money…. Now that I’ve bored y’all to tears with my problems, I think I should turn my head to the process of diving….  It should turn out to be a more positive activity, and work out as well as anything else….. Shall we Pearl?…..

“I just had a mental breakdown. Got any jumper cables?” — Smart Bee
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“The simple rights, the civil liberties from generations of struggle must not be just fine words for patriotic holidays, words we subvert on weekdays, but living, honored rules of conduct amongst us…I’m glad the American Civil Liberties Union gets indignant, and I hope this will always be so.” — Senator Adlai E. Stevenson

“It is not a man’s duty, as a matter of course, to devote himself to the eradication of any, even the most enormous wrong; he may still properly have other concerns to engage him; but it is his duty, at least, to wash his hands of it, and, if he gives it no thought longer, not to give it practically his support.  If I devote myself to other pursuits and contemplations, I must first see, at least, that I do not pursue them sitting upon another man’s shoulders.  I must get off him first, that he may pursue his contemplations too.” — Henry David Thoreau, Civil Disobedience

Okay, I give up. It’s been three hours now, almost, and these two pearls, excellent though they are, make up the entire results of those three hours…. That’s right, two. I keep refreshing Smart Bee, but it seems to want to keep offering up stuff I’ve been rejecting for years as not useful…. too short, too silly, too long and boring, or just boring. So far, every time I’ve rebooted SB, it seems to start showing me even older stuff than the time before….. Bah, I’m taking a break….

The remainder of today’s Pearl is hereby canceled. I can’t do it…. I’m in pain, and I can’t concentrate. I hate to waste the above two quotes, as they would make very good material. But, they’ll still be available…. I’ve been down for two hours, taking a break, and don’t feel much better. So, this will have to do. Think about the above quotes, when you have a moment; they’re good stuff. I’m going to get myself to the library, add a poem, post this, and try to get back here, where I can get back to what my body wants from me today, i.e., curled up in bed, trying to ignore it all…. see ya….

“I’d like some JUNK FOOD…  and then I want to be ALONE….” — Zippy the Pinhead
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“If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities.” — Maya Angelou

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieve it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

~~ Dylan Thomas
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Here is the second part of the series begun yesterday, about a dark time in life for me…. this is some more background material about my skills and training, and a lead-in to tomorrow’s piece, wherein the hammer comes down…. or came down, right on my head….

Repercussions, Part II

In 1973, at the age of 23, I attended school to study to take the state examination for a license as a Psychiatric Technician (PT). The classes were subsidized by, and took place at, Atascadero State Hospital (ASH) in Central California. Junior college credits were given through the local J.C., Cuesta College in nearby San Luis Obispo. In conjunction with the classes, students were allowed, and encouraged, to work 20 hours per week in the hospital, as a supplement to the clinical hours required to complete the courses. So began my journey in the mental health industry, and unknown to me at the time, down the path to darkness…..

The hospital at Atascadero is a maximum security facility that houses up to 1200 individuals, committed to the bleak, prison-like hospital by the courts, as being either unable to stand trial due to being unable to understand the charges, or because they were unable to cooperate in their defense, due to mental illness. Some of these men (it is an all-male facility; women in the same legal categories were housed elsewhere, at Patton State Hospital, or PSH, in San Bernardino) were also committed by the courts as being Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity, or were those who had manifested symptoms of mental illness after being convicted of crimes and sent to prison. A very few of them were not insane, but were master manipulators, career criminals with very good lawyers who had convinced the court to send them to the hospital rather than prison. These individuals caused a great many problems, as they would manipulate their less functional peers into giving up their property, or doing their will, or  incite them to violence, just to watch the results from a safe distance, for amusement.

Working in a maximum security facility as a therapist is possibly one of the most difficult jobs man has ever created; a prison-like environment makes it difficult to create the ambiance necessary to allow the men being treated to feel safe and comfortable enough to deal with their individual problems. The danger of housing so many people with mental illness is an ever-present and overriding concern, as one of the primary characteristics of those with these types of diagnoses is a lack, or even absence, of impulse control. As a result, managing assaultive behavior becomes a necessary adjunct to treatment.

The Department of Mental Health, working with employees from all the state hospitals, developed a policy for dealing with the issue, and training in Management of Assaultive Behavior (MAB) was given to every employee who came into contact with the committed individuals. Since the facility was classed as maximum security, the training was especially important for the Hospital Police, who were responsible for maintaining the security of the physical plant, and for the therapists (psychiatrists and psychologists, nurses, psychiatric technicians, and ancillary staff such as occupational and rehabilitation therapists) who were the primary care-givers for the individuals. These teams were taught specific techniques for recognizing the warning signs of impending violent behavior, re-direction when possible, and for physically controlling individuals who were acting out in a violent manner, without causing or sustaining injury.

Most of these principles and techniques, if not all, were very similar to the Judo and Ju-Jitsu that I had been taught, so my prior training and experience became valuable tools for me in being able to keep safe both the aggressors and victims involved in the violent episodes so frequently found in settings such as ASH. I became one of the people who specialized in MAB, which necessarily meant that whenever a violent incident broke out, I was one of the first to respond, as I was adept at controlling the situation without any of the participants sustaining injury, the primary goal in such instances.

Working in such a high stress environment as a maximum security hospital was both physically and emotionally draining, and after three years at ASH I had had enough, and moved north to work at Napa State Hospital in order to get back to being a therapist rather than a glorified cop. I obtained a position as a PT in a treatment program for adolescents. To me, it was  a wonderful change; the kids in the program, a co-educational environment, were smaller as a rule than the full-grown men I was used to, and there were far fewer individuals who resorted to violence than at ASH. It was also different for being co-ed, as I had previously not worked with any women, or girls, in a therapeutic setting. Because of my experience in MAB, violence on the unit where I worked became a non-viable behavior for the adolescents, and after a few months the number of incidents that took place were greatly reduced.

After a few years at NSH, I decided to take an extended sabbatical from working as a PT, and traveled around California for a few months, until not working became a bore; I was raised to be productive, and needed to get back to work. I applied to and was hired to work in another state hospital in Camarillo, a relatively small town near Ventura in Southern California. At CSH I once again worked with adolescents, as they had a similar program patterned after the one at NSH. My martial arts training, which I had continued all this time, once again proved to be a valuable tool, and I again became the first responder at any outbreaks of violence among the individuals under treatment.

I met my wife at Camarillo; she was another PT in the adolescent program. We worked together, began dating, fell in love, married and started our family. It was a challenging period for me; between work, parenting, maintaining my marriage, home maintenance, and the myriad of little things that are the activities of daily life in this country, I was a very busy, very stressed individual. But I loved it that way, and was happy and content for some years. The economy at that time changed for the worse; we were unable to keep up with our mortgage payments, and lost our house to foreclosure. We decided to move north, to the Sonoma Valley, to raise our children in a country setting, with very well-respected schools, and a much lower crime rate than the southern California area in which we had lived.

I eventually hired on back at NSH, but the adolescent program was no longer open, so I began working with adults, on an all-male unit with individuals with a wide variety of diagnoses. As the level of security at Napa was not maximum, and the degree of training was not up to the higher standards at ASH, the units in the program where I worked were very dangerous, a situation which ultimately led to my downfall. It was about this time when I calculated that in my career as a PT, I had worked in the most stressful environments in the entire world, outside of battlefields, constantly in danger, and my martial arts background had become not just useful, but absolutely critical. I estimated the number of violent incidents in which I had been involved, and found that over the years I had an average of one major incident (translation: a knock-down, drag-out fight) per week since I had started as a PT at ASH. My calculations came to a minimum of 728 incidents. I was appalled, but also somewhat proud of this figure; in all those incidents only one of the individuals had sustained a minor injury, and I had sustained one minor injury myself. Not a bad record all in all…2 failures and 726 successful outcomes.

However, the damage to my psyche that had accumulated through the years had by this time reached an unprecedented and dangerous level, and I was finding it extremely difficult to maintain the now uncertain equilibrium I had achieved. My experiences had left me burdened with an indelible yet hidden wound in my soul, in my very center. The experiences to which I’d been exposed culminated in an incident that brought all of my pent-up stress to the surface, and affected me so deeply that I still feel the effects today……I became, quite literally, one of the “walking wounded”, a condition with which my generation, due to the Vietnam War, had become all too familiar. It was a single incident, that happened one night in 1984, and to this day I have never fully recovered…..

To be continued…..
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Naturally, Murphy felt he should make a contribution to today’s effort; I don’t know how I could have ignored the possibility. Ah well, blame my distractions…. but, regardless of his efforts, or my own, seemingly, it is done. It seems like a lot, considering how I feel, and I have to point out to myself, and y’all, that a lot was created way in the past, and a lot was faked, big time. Like I said, though, it’s done, and nothing will make me give it back…. I’ve tortured myself long enough, I”m done….  Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..


Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.

gigoid

Dozer

Kowabunga!