Tag Archives: Irony

Apply the absinthe as an ointment….

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Ffolkes,
Some mornings, just listening to the coffee brew, smelling that wonderful aroma, as it turns itself into the nectar we crave, is sufficient to soothe the savage breast….. or, would be, were it not 0447 in the AM…. I guess I hit the rack a little early last night, as my eyes popped open, with obvious intent to stay that way, just a few moments ago, and forced me out of bed, somewhat less than breathlessly eager to start the day. Unsure as to whether or not I should piss or go blind, I shall proceed to do neither….

I think, in this instance, I’m going to drop back five yards, and punt….. an option I often forget to utilize. Modern football has lost its class, for the most part, having long ago forfeited any such claim for the excitement of outright savagery, so the strategic advantage of such a play is lost on most students of today’s game. But, it can still go a long way toward improving one’s field position, especially if trapped on one’s own end of the playing field.  I enjoy the look of surprise and consternation on Murphy’s face when I boot the ball over his head, sending him scrambling….. One of the few moments I spend with him that I can honestly say I enjoy….

There, that’s done…. I decided, since I was up so damn early, why not be efficient? So, in two short paragraphs, otherwise known as one swell foop, I have completed the morning’s quota of BS and nonsense, and mentioned Murphy. so he can’t say I didn’t give him his due, thereby filling two requirements with one intro…. In addition, it has created three entirely acceptable paragraphs of that intro section, which is practically the whole nine yards…. What a deal!….

Not only that, but in the process, I’ve managed to create enough space in my head to find my mojo. Yep, I just looked over, and there it was, all shiny and rested since my last use, when I got so carried away I….. well, I probably shouldn’t talk about it…. the statute of limitation hasn’t been reached yet…. But, never mind that…. now that I’ve got my mojo firmly tucked away in a pocket, we can go directly to work, and feel confident that, whatever happens, it will be for the best…. A bit naive, maybe, but no choice now but to cast off and set sail….. Shall we Pearl?….
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Within the oyster’s shell uncouth
The purest pearl may hide,
Trust me you’ll find a heart of truth
Within that rough inside.

— Mrs. Osgood

At last! It has been ages since I last saw this gem from Mrs. Osgood, whoever she is….. This, as is apparent, is my vision statement for this blog. In fact, it is the best statement I’ve seen, ever, to describe what a Pearl of Virtual Wisdom comprises, as it puts what is important, truth, right where it should be, covered and protected by a smooth surface of alabaster, surrounded by a crusty shell, so ugly it possesses an oddly beautiful strength. The only difference between a POVW and a real pearl then, is that only one of them can be held in your hand…. Otherwise, one is a metaphor for the other, interchangeable in the clever confines of our imagination….

Since I have been serendipitously rewarded for my search today by finding this, which I had misplaced, after a fashion (that means I forgot about it until just now, when I found it again….), I’ll take a moment here to give my disclaimer regarding those self-same Pearls…. to wit: Pearls of Virtual Wisdom are just that…. Virtual Wisdom. They are NOT real wisdom, and any attempt to use them as real wisdom is, well, a risky proposition at best….. The owner of this blog assumes no responsibility for any such misdirected folly, and will only apply first-aid as needed to maintain life signs until the arrival of professional medical personnel.

Okay, there…. sorry, but, you know how those bureaucrats are… Every once in a while I’m required to post that disclaimer, or they won’t renew my anti-irony insurance….. It’s a pain having to pay it…. I really don’t see much difference between insurance sold by corporations, and protection rackets run by organized criminal organizations…. Both are identical in outcome, i.e. you pay money to other people so they guarantee your safety from being robbed, but, only the former is legal…. I don’t understand fully why that is, because, as far as I can see, there isn’t any real difference.

If you pay the mob, then they don’t rob you themselves, so you are protecting yourself from them. With the bureaucrats, you pay them so you are allowed to remain in business, which, if you look at it, is exactly the same thing, but one shuts down the business by destroying the merchandise, the other by shutting the doors with lawsuits….. It’s just one more piece of evidence that government is nothing more than organized crime, only legal…..

Okay, that’s enough blathering…. I just wanted to share the poem with you, and take the opportunity to make sure that everyone who reads my stuff is aware of the delicate nature of its relevance to reality…. Remember, ffolkes, to take everything you see here with a grain of salt, or your favorite savory substance, or take it under advisement…. just take it, please….

“Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me??” — Zippy the Pinhead
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Mirror

I am silver and exact.
I have no preconceptions.
Whatever I see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful ‚
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.

Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.

~~ Sylvia Plath
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Chauvinism, confession, and guilt…..

I am an asshole. A jerk. A prick. A foul-mouthed, misbegotten excuse for a human being…. I am, as with most of my peers, a hypocrite, and deserving of permanent sentencing to the lowest pits of hell for my perfidy….. What, you might ask, prompted this outburst of self-denigration? Well, let me tell you….

Most of us, at some point or another, sit down from time to time to think about our actions, those we are considering, and those we have acted out in the past, to get some perspective on how those actions have conformed to our ethical and moral beliefs. In other words, we sit in self-judgment; whether we do so to praise or to chastise doesn’t matter, ultimately, as long as it is an honest appraisal, and we do not flinch from owning up to our baseness where it is found…..

This is why I am forced to curse myself…. Because I’m not a Catholic,  or any other faith that espouses such mummery, (I don’t mean to pick on Catholics…. some of my best friends, etc…..  🙂  They’re just the example everyone knows about….)….  Any who, because I’m not of that Tribe, I don’t have the luxury of confessing to a priest, who would then reassure me that I am still one of the Chosen Ones, and send me on my way having learned nothing but a false sense of entitlement. I can’t just pass off what I may have done in my life to some faceless butthead in a dress, who, no doubt, has a great laugh at the expense of the penitent, when he and the other priests get together in the rectory for a few drinks, passing around all the latest tall tales and outtakes from the confessional booth…..

I consider myself to be a morally upright person, and hope that my actions reflect that. But, I know for certain that, like every other human being who ever lived, I don’t always live up to those moral beliefs, and fall from grace on occasion…. If I were a less honest man, I’d say that there were mitigating, or at least explanatory reasons for my failures to hold to my own standards, but, if I tried that, my Dad would kick my ass from now until Thursday the next time I see him, so I’m not going to take that chance…. I take full responsibility for my actions, base and cruel as they were, and no one can hold me in lower regard than I do….

I had considered using this venue as a confessional, to air out my transgressions on the stage of reality, but, I don’t think that would be any more ethical than confessing to a priest…. Confession may make a difference to the penitent, by absolving him/her from any lingering guilt that could adversely affect them (i.e., they feel better about themselves after receiving absolution…), but, in truth, it doesn’t mean a damn thing, as nothing is done to balance the scale, in a karmic sense, especially for whatever creature or person that was the victim of the cruelty. The only act that would mean anything would be for the perpetrator to use the experience to motivate them to two things….

One, to try to repair whatever hurt or pain they have caused another creature…. man, animal, doesn’t matter…. They don’t deserve to be victimized, no matter their form, and ALL one can do, to fix any harm they have caused, is the least they should do…. Second, use the experience as motivation to make a change in themselves, to act with greater understanding, greater compassion, and greater control over themselves and their feelings…. which is what guilt is all about, right?…. The difference is that, when one confesses to a priest, and receives absolution; if the guilt is relieved, then there is no motivation to make any changes in their actions…. They know that none is necessary, as they can relieve themselves of any guilt they may feel by confessing, so why bother?

On the other hand, when one assumes the responsibility for their own actions, the guilt doesn’t go away…. I will never forgive myself for some of the things that I’ve done in my life (nor will I share them in any attempt to gain forgiveness from anyone else…. it’s none of their bloody business….)…. (Besides, that whole confessional thing just sounds too much like a blackmail scheme…. the people who confess are sure putting their fate trustingly into the hands of those priests, aren’t they?). That simple fact, of admitting and owning my guilt, is what keeps me from falling into the same ethical trap I did when I lost my cool, and acted without thinking,  or took my feelings out on innocent bystanders….. Not going to happen again, a sentiment which, I’m sure, is NOT what you can reasonably expect from any religicos after confession….

You will note that there are no pearls associated with this discussion…. That’s because I am such an asshole, none was needed to stimulate me into spilling my guts, so to speak…. Besides, I couldn’t find a proper pearl for the beginning of such a somber subject by the time I was ready to write about it…. But, Murphy must have liked the way I dissed myself, because I found these two, which, together, make a good closer for this subject…. Think of them as bookends….

“Character is doing the right thing when nobody’s looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that’s right is to get by, and the only thing that’s wrong is to get caught.” — J. C. Watts

Boy, that hits the nail on the head, doesn’t it?…..    I’ve got these two quotes reversed in the order in which they make the most sense, but, given the state of things here, that isn’t surprising, is it…. This is the one that probably should go at the front of this piece, so, just put it there in your mind, okay? Thanks…..

“We tell lies when we are afraid, . . . afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.” — Tad Williams, Spoken by Dr. Morgenes, To Green Angel Tower (part of — Memory, Sorrow and Thorn)
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As I began today, so early, I had a moment of trepidation, thinking I might scare off my muse, but finding my mojo apparently made that a groundless fear, as I don’t seem to have found any lack of things to say…. More proof, I suppose, that I just can’t shut myself up….

Ah well, the path to sanity is littered with such misconceptions and folly, and rightly so…. I don’t need all these extra words floating around in my head, just looking for mischief to cause…. You take them, please….  🙂  I hope they bring you as much fun to read as they did for me to spew… er, write….

Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..

—
Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.

gigoid

dozer3

Broken vicars fixed while you wait….

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5

Ffolkes,
We don’t really fix the vicars, we just use a lot of duct tape to hold them together until they can get back up to the pulpit. The only real fix for them is a complete change of heart, and that is beyond my powers. Knowing my predilection for dissing preachers, you might wonder why I set up shop to fix them….Simple…. it’s easy money….

They break all the damn time, and the congregations will pay well to keep their blinders in place. I figured, since they give me such a pain all the time, I ought to get something out of having to deal with them. And duct tape is relatively cheap, compared to the time & energy it would take to perform any really effective brainwash, whether that wash is to clean it up & free it, or to increase control over it. Either way is harder than applying a layer of DT, and my travel fund gets fatter this way….  Our motto is, “If it’s not broke, let me take a crack at it”…..

So, if you know of any broken vicars, just have them sent over…. we’ll take care of them, and give them exactly what they need….. honest!….  Okay, silliness over….. The title line today kind of tickled me, and I thought I’d expand the idea a bit…. It’s a bit less pointedly cruel than I had hoped, but we need to get on with finding some pearls, so the duct tape treatment will have to suffice.

Perhaps a bit of water-boarding next time, just to assuage that blood thirst I know I get whenever I get a real live vicar in my shop…. Yeah, that’s the ticket, give them a taste of what they say is coming for us if we don’t toe the dogmatic line…. I like it, it is justice incarnate…. Mankind has a lot of sorrow and pain to pay them back for, to my way of thinking….

Well, before this turns into a rant instead of an intro, perhaps we’d best get our gear on and hit the water…. Shall we Pearl?….
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“Hateful to me as are the gates of hell, is he who, hiding one thing in his heart, utters another.” — Homer (c. 700 B.C.)

I was reminded of this line yesterday when I read how Mitt Romney had responded to President Obama’s announcement regarding the change in immigration policy, to stop deporting a certain class of people working to become citizens. His response, or more accurately, his lack of expected response, points out one of his secondary lines of defense against telling the truth, to wit, saying nothing when there is something that should be said….

The new policy means that young people who were brought to the US, and now are law-abiding, hard-working people who are merely unnaturalized legally, will NOT be deported, but instead will be assisted to achieve their naturalization as citizens. It is the only real humane way to deal with the situation, and is a good step in the direction of humane immigration policies.

In the past, Mr. Romney has repeatedly expressed his views on this issue, stating clearly that he disagreed with it, and would not approve of such changes…. he wants them all to be deported, and has said so in the past, in speaking to conservative groups of voters…..

“People who don’t Think probably don’t have Brains; rather, they have grey fluff that’s blown into their heads by mistake.” — Pooh’s Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne

Now that the POTUS has instituted this policy, which is strongly supported by a large percentage of the voting populace, Mitt has nothing to say against it. He merely stated he doesn’t agree, but would not commit himself so far as to say he would stop the program if he were elected…. In other words, he lied his bloody head off…..

“I’d like to ram a hunk of fried goat cheese straight up his ass.” — A wonderful line from MYSTIC PIZZA

Now that he has confirmed his position as the likely Republican candidate in November, to run against the POTUS, his handlers have instructed him to shut his flapping lips, not wanting to take the chance that any of his actual thoughts or opinions would get found out by the voters he is desperately trying to convince of his qualifications.

They don’t want him to prove the old saw about proving himself to be a fool by opening his mouth & removing all doubt….. Like any political entity, their response is to have him lie by omission, rather than his usual method, which consists generally of just making something up, no matter how unreal or absurdly false it may be…..

It’s going to be an interesting campaign, I think…. the trick will be to figure out which side is telling the lies that will help us the most, or more accurately, hurt us the least…. These days, that is about the best we can hope for, given the field of compulsive liars we have from which to choose….. After all,

It is difficult to legislate morality in the absence of moral legislators. — Smart Bee
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“Humanity has in the course of time had to endure from the hands of science two great outrages upon its naive self-love.  The first was when it realized that our earth was not the center of the universe, but only a speck in a world-system of a magnitude hardly conceivable…  The second was when biological research robbed man of his particular privilege of having been specially created, and relegated him to a descent from the animal world.” — Sigmund Freud

Dr. Freud was not always the most accurate of thinkers, as evidenced by the large number of practices and theories of psychiatry he developed that have been proven to be either completely false, or merely misguided. Modern psychiatry does owe him a large debt; not necessarily for the details of his theories, but for the scientific approach he took to the research into human behavior, and its motivations and workings. He helped psychiatry evolve from the level of shamanism to science.

This statement, however, is perfectly accurate, and a very insightful deduction as well. It goes far to explain a large number of the fringe elements of society, and the reaction they have given to the absolute verity of these two concepts. A very large percentage of mankind has never really gotten over the shock of discovering just how large the universe is, and in general, deal with that knowledge by ignoring it, never paying any attention to anything but their immediate surroundings. Even more of humanity resented learning that there is no evidence to support the idea of creationism, and the most common response to that has been, and in far too many cases continues to be, one of complete denial….

What is funny to me is that these folks who would deny evolution are the ones who benefit the most from its effects. Only the advances that mankind has made make it possible for them to survive at all. We are so far removed from living in caves, with no medical science, and all the other advances civilization has brought, that our intelligence level is no longer a factor in surviving. Thus, the ones who would normally not have lived long enough to reproduce, instead have large numbers of offspring, all just as lacking in reasoning ability as the next, continuing the legacy of ignorance that such denial indicates.

The irony of this is invisible to them; their very existence depends on what they deny, but they cannot see it…. and this lack of vision is what is killing them, and unfortunately, the rest of us as well….. It’s enough to make a person feel fatalistic….

“The flesh surrenders itself. Eternity takes back its own. Our bodies stirred these waters briefly, danced with a certain intoxication before the love of life and self, dealt with a few strange ideas, then submitted to the instruments of Time. What can we say of this? I occurred. I am not… yet I occurred.” — Frank Herbert, Dune Messiah
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There’s a certain slant of light,
On winter afternoons
That oppresses, like the weight
Of cathedral tunes.

Heavenly hurt it gives us;
We can find no scar,
But internal difference
Where the meanings, are.

None may teach it anything,
‘T is the seal, despair, —
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the air.

When it comes, the landscape listens,
Shadows hold their breath;
When it goes, ‘t is like the distance
On the look of death.

— Emily Dickinson

If you can’t tell, I’m feeling a bit dark today. This little piece of genius from Emily fits right in…. enjoy!
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It’s a Monday. I can tell, even without looking. Must be the 45 years of disciplining myself to go to work; a few unconscious habitual emotional states would naturally build up, enough to recognize a Monday anyway…. Fortunately, it only affects me, now, in that everybody else are the ones who have to be at work, and my only connection to that is if I need something from them…. another retirement perk they don’t tell you about. Gotta find your fun somewhere, eh? ……  Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..

—
Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.

gigoid

Dozer

Kowabunga!

Negotiations broke down early this year….

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Ffolkes,
Today’s offering is a tribute to the power of procrastination. Or will be, if it ever gets done. Of course, to get done, it would be well to get started, but we don’t want to rush into anything, now, do we? In order to become a master of procrastination, as I am, one must learn that timing is everything. Work cannot be completed until JUST the right moment arrives, and there is no way to tell ahead of time when that might be. It all depends on the Wild Hair Syndrome, which, as we all know, can strike at any random moment….

But, once the Wild Hair has been combed, the words can flow, and another Pearl can find its way out into the cold, cruel world for all to see and enjoy. (Well, hopefully…) We’re expecting our own Wild Hair to show up any second now…. If you like, while we are waiting, we can discuss the weather, or, how ’bout them Giants, eh?…. No? Hmm…. politics?… No?…. a little rant?… No?…. oh, wait, here it comes now. Just look at it! Shiny and tall, with fresh color! It really duded up for this occasion…. Well, let’s get ‘er combed, so we can be on our way…. hand me that soldering iron, would you?…..

There, that should do it…. Okay, we may now proceed to our regular order of business, and end this period of professional procrastinating. It has been brought to you by your favorite Dutch uncle, gigoid, who hopes that you have enjoyed the interlude, and invites you to come on back any time you want to hang out awhile & accomplish absolutely nothing…. shall we Pearl?….
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A monk said to Joshu, “I have just entered this monastery. Please teach me.” 

“Have you eaten your breakfast?” Joshu asked. 

“Yes, I have,” replied the student. 

“Then you had better wash your bowl.” — Smart Bee

This little story, a typical Zen lesson, is a good example of why the Eastern philosophies have always appealed more to me than the typical Western mode of thought. The student is led to a point in the story, then left to find the actual lesson for themselves, forcing them to use their ability to reason in order to reach the teaching point. The lesson is thereby much more strongly reinforced, by the experience of searching for the answer to the puzzle, teaching both the lesson in the words (take the first step first, then the second….), and the lesson in the act (stretch your mind to find the truth…).

This method of teaching, and of learning, is much more effective, as well as more efficient than the typical formats that Western society tends to use. Here in the Occident, the teacher stands before a group of students, and gives out structured lessons, with a lot of memorization and rote learning of long passages from religious texts.

The students then take tests that determine how many factoids they have remembered, thus indicating how much they have learned…. to conform. Of course, they don’t learn how to reason, but you can’t have everything, and the ability to reason among the general populace is not highly prized, nor encouraged, among the hierarchy of Western leadership. They much prefer their subjects to be ignorant and pliable, thank you….

Irony: Limbaugh saying that dittoheads think for themselves. — Smart Bee

Hmm…. this is developing rant-like characteristics, and I don’t wish to go there… but it’s hard not to. It’s getting really difficult to not pay attention to the degree of craziness currently present in society. For goodness sake, Romney is going to be the Republican candidate; it’s a numerical lock now. Romney….

Here is a man with no integrity whatsoever, none. A man who has spent his entire life pursuing wealth at the expense of the taxpayers, and been very successful at it, too. He grew up privileged, was an elitist bully all through school, and has spent his entire career in public office changing his story to fit whatever he felt people needed to hear to get elected.

Not only has he lied time after time, often just making things up on the spot, but he doesn’t hide any of it. It’s all there for anyone to see, AND NOBODY SEEMS TO CARE! It’s like, “oh well, he’s all we’ve got, so we’ll overlook his dishonesty, his lack of self-control, his bigotry, his lack of qualifications, and his obvious lack of compassion for women, immigrants, gays, blacks, latinos, and almost every American that isn’t a white Christian”….. None of that stuff is being counted against him, and I don’t get it…. It’s like all of his worst features, as a human and as a politician, are completely invisible to his supporters, while simultaneously being all-too-obvious to the rest of us…..

It’s hard to trust the American voting public; I’ve seen too many instances in my life of them voting the worst possible way (Nixon, for one, two Bush’s for another…. and let’s not get into Reagan this morning, I don’t have THAT much time….)  I’m hoping, for sure, that some rationality will break out on the first Tuesday in November, and we will elect the incumbent for another term.

Barack’s made some bad moves, but mostly is trying pretty hard to get some good stuff done. Now, if he would only step away from those Executive Orders on National Security, I could feel a lot more comfortable with him…. as it is, he remains in the “not to be fully trusted” category due to his political pundit status…. He did, after all, seek the office, and that is a strike against him in my book. 

NONE of the beloved ruling class can be fully trusted, and if you don’t believe that, well, you are living in a different world than the rest of us…. You should probably think about upgrading your security…..

And don’t forget to wash your bowl….
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As further proof of Serendipity…. one never knows where good advice can be found, until it hits you in the head….

    Be like Han…. damn good advice, in my world…. of course, in my world, Donald the Trump would play the part of Darth Vader…. eerie resemblance of spirit there, isn’t it?….
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While Europe’s eye is fix’d on mighty things,
The fate of empires and the fall of kings;
While quacks of State must each produce his plan,
And even children lisp the Rights of Man;
Amid this mighty fuss just let me mention,
The Rights of Woman merit some attention.
— Robert Burns, Address on The Rights of Woman, November 26, 1792

Now, here is something you don’t see every day…. support for Women’s Rights written by a man. A pretty famous man, at that. It’s very heartening to me to find this, as it indicates some hope. Apparently, even 200+ years ago, there were men around who were able to throw off the indoctrination all males are given from birth, in conjunction with the oppressive set of behavioral rules set for women, and be able to see how unbalanced our patriarchal society has become. 

For centuries, men with no honor, and no integrity have been the ones who make the laws of our society; those laws, naturally, favor men, assigning women to a lifelong position of subordination. Anyone who feels that this is inaccurate is welcome to provide examples of the opposite viewpoint; I am confident there are none of significance, having made a careful study of the matter for many years.

As of this year, the issue remains volatile, and relevant. Congress is considering, at this very moment, a bill to make women’s pay more equitable in comparison to their male counterparts in the workforce. In fact, looking at those who support the bill, and those who do not, is a pretty good way to see just how divided society remains on the issue. Rationally speaking, equality for women isn’t something debatable. Even hardened conservatives hesitate to come out and say they don’t support women’s rights, though they continue to vote that way.

To me, it is incomprehensible that it should still find supporters outside the church hierarchies of most religions; they are the ones with the most to lose, should things change. But, in reality, there would be no net loss to society if women had equal status with men in a legal sense. The only effects would be positive, at all levels; that much is obvious to anyone who looks closely at the possible outcomes.

Alas, Mankind is not in the habit of making decisions rationally; if we were, we wouldn’t be in the fix we’re in. Maybe, maybe, things are changing a bit, and this bill will tip the scale toward a more sane reality. “Free our sisters, free ourselves…”  It was true when I first heard it back in 1968, and it’s true now…. and I still have hope, fool that I am….
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Once again, procrastination wins…. a bit later than some, earlier than others, but, I’ll take it. Doesn’t matter now, anyway, as it’s done, and I can’t get it back in the bottle….  Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..

—
Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.

gigoid

Kowabunga!