Ffolkes,
Struggling for emotional control isn’t a new experience, not for those of us who deal with the joys of PTSD. There are times when it is impossible, and tears begin to flow at the drop of an emotion, strong or not. On those occasions, I may as well just go back to bed, because getting anything constructive done will be more effort than its worth. Other times, it’s better, to the extent that it takes more emotional impetus to break my control; those days I spend staying very busy, so that those strong emotions remain below the surface of my attention, thus allowing me a degree of control over any outbreaks of angst and salty water leakage on my face…..
So, it doesn’t surprise me, particularly, to find myself in that latter state this morning, as I spent much of the day there yesterday, and it seemed to work okay…. I got through the day without any major mishaps; no casualties, or injuries requiring stitches, and, thankfully, no major breakdowns in public. THOSE are a pain in my old butt when they happen, as I’ve always considered myself to be a person who is able to present a calm, equable demeanor to the world, and it’s humiliating to find myself on the sidewalk, waiting for a signal to change, with tears pouring down my face, while I fight back sobs….
That image doesn’t exactly fit in with my own, or, rather, with the one I would hope to present to the world at large. Unfortunately, it does fit in with my state of mind when some kind of emotional storm is produced by some stressful news, or a stressful experience of any kind, and it’s something I need to either cure, or learn to cope with, as it isn’t going to go away on its own. How I will do that remains, at least at this point, a mystery to me…. which doesn’t bode well for the immediate future….. Stop right there…..
Okay, I caught myself, so that’s good…. I was about to fall into a mind trap of my own making, one I’ve encountered previously….. I was allowing my depressive feelings to color my judgment, and using that coloration to fuel the depression itself. If I continue in that vein, I would soon be blubbering, and lost in sadness and angst for the rest of the day, so I’m glad I realized what I was doing….. I do have a tendency to let myself indulge in such maudlin depression sometimes, and fall into the trap of not seeing how I’m keeping myself there…. It takes a while sometimes for me to catch up to myself, and dig my way out, so I’m glad I realized where I was headed, and took that hard turnaround in the last paragraph…..
Okay, so here’s where we ended up….. it’s all crap, but it’s five plus paragraphs of fair prose, if somewhat querulous in subject matter, and presentation, so I’m going to let the intro fly the way it is…. We’ll go on from here, to the daily dive, into the incredibly vast ocean of human thought, and see if I can’t find something a bit less peevish, and a bit more erudite about which to write…. as our old friend and incurable optimist, John Carter, said, on the occasion of his first trip to Mars….. “While I live, there is hope!”…. Shall we Pearl?…..
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“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” — Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
Albert, though absolutely correct in his assessment of the danger of atomic war, was somewhat premature in this prediction of the form our doom will take. He, himself, were he alive today, would probably agree that we now face a much graver, if no less permanently fatal, danger, one with even more grave consequences for humanity than an atomic holocaust. There is a possibility, slim though it may be, that we could survive an atomic war, though civilization would be in greatly reduced circumstances. The danger we now face is worse, in that it allows no possibility whatsoever that we will survive it at all….. None….
I’m referring, of course, to the effects of global warming, and the continuing assault on the environment made inevitable by human greed and avarice, and to humanity’s massive denial of the facts that are being shoved in our faces. This denial is so strongly entrenched that it prevents most people from even looking at the evidence that is available, because, mostly, they don’t WANT to see it. It makes them afraid to even think about the subject, so they refuse to do so, in spite of the fact that doing so will eventually cause their demise, as well as that of everyone, and everything, they hold dear….
I spend a lot of time, and words, on trying to convince people that this issue is not one that is going to go away, and will not be solved by ignoring, or by denying, its presence. I try to always point out that none of my predictions are confined to this blog, that there is ample scientific evidence, freely available, online, or in libraries, and news reports, that shows very clearly just how little time we have left to stop our depredations on the environment, and that demonstrates quite plainly how critical it is to find some way to correct the damage we’ve done. Otherwise, there is absolutely no doubt at all that we, as a species, will join the ranks of the Dodo, and the T-Rex, and all the other promising life forms that once existed on Earth, that are now extinct.
If you have, or know of, any evidence to the contrary, I hope you will be kind enough to show me where I can look at it; I would be thrilled to find some hopeful data on the subject. However, I’m fairly confident no one will take me up on that, because, to my extensive knowledge, there is no such evidence, so it would be hard to produce out of thin air…. which is what we all will be breathing in the relatively near future….
Normally, at this point, I’d go into my usual rant about the responsible parties in this mess, to wit: the Beloved Ruling Class, otherwise known as the 1%, or the Corporate Masters and their Pious Lackeys, the Priestly Hierarchies and Political Hacks…. They hide behind their private estate, or bureaucratic, or sacred, reinforced concrete walls, and watch, as the rest of us labor on their behalf, as the atmosphere continues to become overloaded with millions of tons of particulate matter every second, and the oceans are filled up with toxic unnatural substances that cannot be destroyed, or eaten, or otherwise used to enhance life. Our planet is being turned into a refuse dump, and we are about to lose our jobs as subsidized scavengers…..
Today, however, I’m reserving my anger for the Universe at large, for its cruel, dispassionate treatment of me and my family, so I don’t want to take the time for my usual indictment of those assholes…. Besides, there’s always tomorrow, right? I can say that now, and maybe for a time, but, I won’t be able to always say it…. We have been served our final notice of eviction ffolkes, and, any folks listening in…. The landlord, a lady by the name of Gaia, is tired of our constant degradation of the property, and wishes us to vacate, so they can repaint, and put down new carpets…..
“You know,” he added very gravely, “it’s one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle — to get one’s head cut off.” — Lewis Carroll, “Through the Looking-Glass”
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Random Visions/Coloring Between the Lines of Grief
Everywhere is dark, and shining,
with points in dissonant pain.
Sharp, senses dull past divining,
tears burn, a torrential rain.
Escape! Flee within to cower,
find an unconscious cave.
Call on Morpheus’ power
deny reality’s beckoning wave.
Light breaks, drawing the inner eye,
leading to the slippery slope.
Risk is critical, we may only sigh,
yet welcome, for bringing hope.
Sanity seems far out of reach
Insanity’s a stronger friend.
Decisions made will merely teach
our way toward Death to wend.
Lost, while still on familiar ground,
the future yet undesigned.
Making way on paths unfound,
to Now, as yet undefined.
~~ gigoid
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“Know that which pervades the entire body is indestructible. No one is able to destroy the imperishable soul.” — Bhagavad Gita (c. B.C. 400)
I first read the Bhagavad Gita when I was about 17, and, along with the Tao Teh Ching, it has had a profound effect on my life, and the attitudes I bring to living it. The above verses are what led me to my belief in the mind’s immortality, as a form of energy like any other in this Universe, thus, subject to the Law of Conservation of Energy. This has served to remove the fear from Death for me, as I am now able to view it as a mere change of form, to one whose characteristics I do not know, or remember, from previous changes. (How would you know you were alive, unless you had once been dead?) Once fear is removed, Death becomes just another part of living, and is welcome as such, for the inherent beauty it possesses as the complement to Life…..
“All anger arises out of obstructed desire.” — Bhagavad Gita
This is the second verse from the book that I found to be extremely valuable in learning to live with dignity, with honor, and without fear. This statement, by its very nature, implies that our anger is under our control, placing it into our bag of assets to be used when needed, rather than in our bag of liabilities, or, emotions that keep us from reaching our potential as humans, like fear, anger, greed, etc….. Fear can be seen as the desire to be safe from harm, obstructed, and thus comes under the aegis of our emotions that can be changed, by merely changing our desire…. By learning to deal with fear, anger becomes our ally, rather than our enemy…..
In turn, these two principles, when used conjointly, give us the emotional freedom to make clear decisions about reality’s demands and issues, without our emotional responses coloring the decisions with their negative outlook, and tendency toward denial and obstruction. We become immune, or at least, indifferent, to the emotional storms that plague most people’s minds and hearts, for we know how to adjust our attitudes to suit the conditions under which we find ourselves, instead of falling prey to letting the circumstances dictate our response. True freedom, indeed…
Today, when I found this, I was immediately reminded of all of these ideas; concepts I had lost track of in the distractions of living. As I remembered, the pain and anger I’ve been feeling since hearing the news of my brother’s illness fell away, no longer able to sustain their hold over my emotions. I am once more able to see how this is not an issue to be angry about, but rather one to use as an opportunity to grow, and to perhaps be able to give my brother the love and support he needs, despite what he may want, in his own grief…. He is afraid, and trying to keep from either showing, or sharing that fear with his family, and I won’t allow him to die that way, or to be without his family, when it is so unnecessary…..
So, I am feeling better in that respect, and though I am still filled with sadness, I know now that is just my own self-pity, feeling sorry for myself for having to face HIS death, which reminds me of my own…. Grief is, in truth, misplaced in looking at death, and in reality is more of a solace for the living, than it is a tribute to the dead; our grief is more a feeling of loss in ourselves than it is sorrow for their passing. But, it is not a time for sadness, ultimately, but rather a chance to acknowledge the beauty of a Universe that gives us this opportunity to experience the change in our consciousness….
I’m betting that when we change over, we are in a place where our minds are much more in tune with the very base of reality, and able to direct the formation of the next form it takes…. Hey, that makes as much sense as any of the other suggestions of what happens that I’ve heard, and has the advantage of fitting the facts of observable, recordable reality, pretty precisely….. and if I’m wrong, well, I’ll deal with that when I get there…. 🙂
I’ll tell you this quite frankly…. if the Christians are right, or the Muslims, or any of the other organized institutional churches, then I will definitely have a few words for whatever is passing itself off as God, to answer for the actions of His/Her/Its followers…. and I won’t be taking any BS for a response….
“And now there is merely silence, silence, silence, saying all we did not know.” — William Rose Benet
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Well, I don’t know about y’all, but I feel MUCH better…. Proof positive, better out than in…. Ffolkes, what we have here is a Pearl of Virtual Wisdom, of the finest grade, shiny and new, and all original, outside the few short quotes…. Get it while it’s still steaming! Me, I’m gonna go enjoy the sunshine, while I can…. Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..
Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.
gigoid