Two orders of artificially-flavored, deep-fried, imitation calamari, please….

Ffolkes,

“Since we cannot know all that is to be known of everything,

we ought to know a little about everything.”

~~ Blaise Pascal ~~

Irish coast

    Ah, yes! I love the smell of artificial, imitation, deep-fried ANYTHING! I AM, after all, a trained consumer….

Okay, no ranting in the intro, bozoid one. Hie, there, ffolkes. In case it isn’t clear by now, I’m in a Zippy mood. While not a frequent occurrence, we can never tell quite what that will mean, in the final analysis; I’ve had it turn out quite well, at times; other times, I wake up in another state, (e.g., Wisconsin, or Sinaloa, in Mexico…. which was, admittedly, way better than Wisconsin….), naked, hung over,  with no idea where I’ve been, how I got there, what I’ve been consuming (the masters won’t like that!…. gotta consume our quota!…), or with whom, or what, I’ve been consorting…. Not the most pleasant mornings, let me tell ya…. Even if nothing else, the stench was tremendous!….

Ah well, so much for tales of my misspent youth; I’m sure we all have a story or two like that to tell, right? No? Oh. Oh, well, I guess it’s all of a piece, what with the state of Reality these days. I must say, it’s looking a bit grim out there in the BBR, ffolkes, and, you know Zippy. He’s a hard one to bring down into a depression, what with his lack of any connections whatsoever to the same reality, for more than five minutes…. I sure wish I could do that! Must be nice to be able to shift from one to another, at the drop of a cliche… Probably plays hell with one’s shoes, though…. And, the spit-bombs! Well! They must drive him, oh, right…. nobody can drive Zippy crazy; he’s been there for years….

Okay, I think that’s most likely enough of that. I’m no Bill Griffith, for sure, though he’s one of my cartoonist heroes…. His connection to the state of Weird is like an internet T-1 connection; a direct line, with all the bandwidth needed, to the entire world of Weird, with lifetime passes to the neighboring worlds of Strange, and Odd…. Truth, in the most incredibly beautiful strange clothing, just flows out of his brain, seemingly without end, saturated in metaphor, truly a coat of many colors, brought to us in technicolor, in no particular order discernible by the mind of Man….

Don’t be surprised if Zippy pops up further down the page today, either. I like to let him have his fun while he’s in charge; it makes him so happy to be able to play with the tri-cornered leadership hat, with its ribbons, and peacock feathers proudly displayed. Plus, he’s always a better tipper when he gets to wear the hat; one time he gave the tarbender a $100 dollar bill, just for saying “hi” to him…. Of course, it was counterfeit, but, all his money is, so nobody minds…. He never guesses, and it’s no sweat for the help to humor him….

Alright, that’s it. I’m out of Zippyisms, for the moment, at least…. I think we’d probably be heading off to the oyster beds now, before this gets away from me, turning into another marathon opening, tiring everyone out before we even get to the video…. Yes, I think that will be the best idea…. In fact, let’s just do that, right NOW….

Shall we Pearl?

“It is easier to stay out than get out.”

~~Mark Twain ~~


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

True to my word, today’s video will be none other than our pal Zippy’s personal page on You Tube. The first link you see is to the page listing all the great places to find Zippy on You Tube. The second link, and the embedded player, are to Episode One of the Zippy Tales, by Zippy’s author, Bill Griffith himself…. Enjoy, ffolkes, it doesn’t get any stranger than this…..

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Zippy the Pinhead

by Bill Griffith

***********************

***********************

***********************


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lawyer and a pope died on the same day, and both went to heaven.
When the pope noticed that the lawyer had a larger mansion,
he questioned Saint Peter about the allocation of rewards. 
The justification was “Well, we’ve had 265 popes up here,
but this is the FIRST lawyer!”

~~ True Story ~~

buddah-out-to-lunch_s

    As might be guessed from the opening portion of today’s ranting section, we will not be maintaining any of our customary sobriety; I’m not in the mood for sobriety. Even talking about popes or lawyers would be too much for me, so, we’ll go with something from the archives, a discussion of a less intense nature than our usual bill of faire in this part of the Pearl. Silly, yet completely serious at the same time; I’m not sure what I was thinking, but,  it seems to work… I’ve cleaned it up a little, to get rid of those words getting in the way of the meaning, or cluttering up perfectly good sentences,  formerly a large part of my writing style…. Otherwise, all same same….

From 7/23/2012:

“You govern a kingdom by normal rules;
You fight a war by exceptional moves;
But you win the world by letting alone,
How do I know that this is so?
By what is within me!
The more taboo and inhibitions there are in the world,
The poorer the people become.
The sharper the weapons the people posses,
The greater confusion reigns in the realm.
The more clever and crafty the men,
The oftener strange things happen.
The more articulate the laws and ordinances,
The more robbers and thieves arise.”

 ~~ Tao Teh Ching, #57 ~~


This is obvious. But don’t look at it too carefully, or it becomes unobvious, until you look at it for a long time, when it becomes obvious again. –Smart Bee

The above two pearls were sent to me by Murphy; obviously, I have to write about them. How do I know he sent them? Well, when I was cruising my dB of quotes, the excerpt from the Tao Teh Ching was the very first quote that came into view after opening the program. I debated a discussion, as it is one of the most important of the lessons in that book. But, I decided to go on, to find something a bit more amenable….

I hit the key to bring up the next quote, only to see the ‘sort-of-but-not-quite-zen-koan’ from Smart Bee, come into view….. Obviously, at least, to me, the two were from Murphy, hence their presence here for me to comment upon….. although I don’t know why I should, since Murphy is such an ass. But, knowing him all too well, if I don’t, I’ll pay for it, so…. here we go…

Each of the assertions in the above quote from Lao Tzu’s book is a subtle lesson, designed to teach the reader about the nature of the Tao.  As it says in the very first chapter of the Tao Teh Ching, the Tao that can be named is not the true Tao. To the Occidental mind, this seems to be a contradiction; achieving an understanding requires a loosening of the rigid patterns of thought typical of the western mind. One must learn to hold two seemingly contradictory ideas in their mind simultaneously, to allow the meaning of each to mingle, and blend with the other, until the true nature of Tao is revealed, even though it cannot be touched, or seen, or heard.

This subtle process is difficult for westerners to use, as we tend to think in a straight line, from a to b; to understand the Tao, one must first understand that, to the eastern mind, a IS b. Instead of viewing the world as subject to cause and effect, the eastern way of looking at the world views cause and effect as more flexible, more fluid, less like a stone, more like water. As I said, subtle, but not completely inscrutable…. Okay, maybe a little inscrutable…

And now I know why Murphy sent them to me…. If one considers the second quote, using the lines from the Tao Teh Ching as the subject of discussion, then it IS obvious. But don’t look at it too carefully, or it becomes unobvious, until you look at it for a long time, when it becomes obvious again…..

🙂     Murphy was obviously telling us that, in order to understand the eastern way of thought, use the second quote as the process for examination of the idea, and one can find their way through to an understanding that they formerly could not see….

See, now what was so hard about that?….

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Closing note from 2015: It seems to me, given my mood today, the proper closing pearl for the above… hmm… Well, whatever the above might be, I think it needs to have our old friend Zippy give us the final word on what we’ve just seen…. But, in looking, I found five good, solid Zippyisms, any one of which would be just right….

So, I’m leaving it up to the Gentle Reader to pick their own…. Here then, are Zippy’s thoughts on today’s discussion, to sum it all up for us… Yes, I know, you don’t have to tell me…. If you feel you must, go ahead, say what you feel in the comment section, when you share your choice for the best ending for today’s ranting section…. If you’re witty enough, I’ll even respond…. Oh, hell, what am I saying? I respond to anything…. go ahead, make my day…

“What UNIVERSE is this, please??” — Zippy the Pinhead

“MMM-MM!!  So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION!” — Zippy the Pinhead

“Kids, don’t gross me off…  “Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE” can be carried too FAR!” — Zippy the Pinhead

“It’s getting harder and harder to act weird.” — Zippy the Pinhead

That’s for sure…. Finally, my personal favorite….

“Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA?” — Zippy the Pinhead

Hey…. Better than another rant, isn’t it? Especially if you say the last one out loud, with the proper inflection…

I know I’m burnt out; it was the adrenaline, for sure, & there’s still a long road to travel…. Best to take a break now and again, I think… Since I can’t play my guitar here, this will have to do….

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“I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space…”

~~Zippy the Pinhead ~~


Oops…. Actually, that’s not today’s poem. I found it while searching for the group of Zippy’s appropriate closing statements for the section above…. THIS one is today’s offering… finally…. I think it’s appropriately querulous….

I know I’m in the now, if only…..

Oh, there it is again, fiddle faddle;
  Begone, I said, vamoose, skedaddle!
It looked at me as if I were insane:
  Scoffed, it did, filled me with pain.

Where does it come from?
Where does it live?
I’d stick out my thumb,
if I had more to give.

If only, should, would, could it be?
  It went away again, this time free.
It will be back again, this I know;
  or I’m wrong, and it won’t show.

Who cares?
Who hears?
Such goings on wobble the sphere,
I wish it wouldn’t do that here.

I’ve been wrong before…..

~~ gigoid ~~


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syf roses

Ain’t no time to hate–barely time to wait.

Wo ho what I want to know: where does the time go?

~~ Robert Hunter ~~

~~ “Uncle John’s Band ~~


Today’s final pearl is special, not merely for the Grateful Dead icon and song lyric adorning the space above, a lyric which metaphorically states (how else?) a big piece of my philosophy…. but, because all its parts are concepts which are also a big part of how I look at the world…. Not precisely, but, metaphorically, all say something I believe myself, one way or another… Such as the first; I wasn’t born a cynic, none of us are. But, we humans sure do have a tendency to turn each other into one post haste, if one is at all alert to irony, and/or hypocrisy, and, possesses, as well, a bare minimum of intelligence. The second one, sure, I don’t believe in a God, per se, but, if I did, that’s the way I’d want Him to be… and, so on…. Enjoy!…

Cynics are made, not born.

~~ Max ~~


“I’m not into isms and asms.There isn’t a Catholic moon and a Baptist sun. I know the universal God is universal…. I feel that the same God-force that is the mother and father of the pope is also the mother and father of the loneliest wino on the planet.” — Dick Gregory

“I am never more serious than when I’m joking. It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.” — H.L. Mencken

“A physician, after he had felt the pulse of Pausanias, and considered his constitution, saying, “He ails nothing,” “It is because, sir,” he replied, “I use none of your physic.” — Plutarch (46-120 AD) — Of Pausanias the Son of Phistoanax

“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.” — Mark Twain  Following the Equator (1897)

“The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.” — Gloria Steinem

“Walking in a forest between two hedges of ferns transfigured by autumn – that is a triumph. What are ovations and applause beside it?” — E.M. Cioran

“An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.” — Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

“You cling to your own ways and leave mine to me.”

~~ Petrarch ~~


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“Of harmes two the lesse is for to cheese.”

~~ Geoffrey Chaucer (1328-1400) ~~

~~ Troilus and Creseide, Book ii, Line 470 ~~


You may wonder why this pearl (if that’s what it is….) is here in the closing section…. Well, that’s easy to explain. I came across it a day or so ago when searching for some pearls, to use for a pearl, as part of a Pearl. I know, it’s confusing, but, don’t fret about that now; when I found the damn thing, it didn’t fit in with the one I was working on. In fact, from what I can tell, there isn’t much it WILL fit with….

My problem is this…. Does anyone know what this MEANS? “Of harmes two the lesse is for to cheese.” What the HELL is it? I mean, I know Chaucer’s tales were written in Middle English, which bears little resemblance to modern English, but, most of what he wrote can at least be considered in the same ballpark, where we can puzzle out some meaning. This damn thing came from another galaxy, by the sound of it…. I would use it, just for the lilting sound of it when spoken; it sounds just as if you’ve been cursed at by a drunken Scotsman. But, I can’t seem to figure out anything to go with it, other than something we don’t have, which is a lot of pearls about cheese….

Oh well…. I guess I can’t use ALL of them; it’s just so cute!…. It speaks with such authority; if I knew what the devil it meant, I’d probably believe it, just because it sounds so cool to say… Oh, am I getting strange, again? Okay. We can go now…. See y’all tomorrow, ffolkes…..

Insert witty closing phrase of your choosing here….

Y’all take care out there,
and May the Metaphorse be with you;
Blessed Be, dearest Carole, Mark,Theresa, & Richy
and everyone else, too…

When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.

Which is Why….

Sometimes I sits and thinks,
   and sometimes,
I just sits.

gigoid, the dubious

PLEASE STOP READING THIS MESSAGE NOW.

“SCRAM!!!!!!!!!!”- Oscar the Grouch

dozer3

À bientôt, mon cherí….


		
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She left the argyle socks again….

Ffolkes,
The difficulty I face today in creating this introductory section is to be able to choose from among the available subjects. The last couple of days has provided me with a plethora of material, thanks to the usual suspects; politics, taxes, corporate greed, and Murphy’s ubiquitous presence. Suffice it to say that the world has once again taken a dump on me, financially, and my immediate prospects of any travel to other parts of the world have disappeared from sight. Hell, with the way things have been left, I can’t afford to go downtown, much less overseas…. I’ll be lucky to have more than rice to eat the last week of this month, so Ireland is out of the picture, for the time-being….

Of course, the corporate mavens will say it’s my own fault, for not being able to pay what they are insisting I owe them. It matters not at all to them that I have already paid them more than originally agreed to on purchase, or that I no longer even have the item for which they want me to pay (it long ago having died from built-in obsolescence…).

All they care about is that they have a piece of paper that gives them the legal right to dun me for money they don’t deserve, or need. Though corporations have all the legal rights of individuals under our legal system, they have NONE of the actual human characteristics common to an individual; no compassion, no judgment, no flexibility, just adherence to law…..

Ah well, trying to get them to show any human characteristics is a futile pastime, so I don’t. They don’t much like when I ignore them, but I see no sense in telling them, once again, that I cannot pay them, no matter how much they threaten to ruin my now non-existent credit. Ruining my credit isn’t going to make it any easier to pay them, but that’s another of those things they don’t care about, so there isn’t any point in discussing it with them.

Plus, not talking to them is the only way I have to annoy them at all, and I’m not giving up that small power for anything…. they can simmer in their own juices….

So, having thus furnished me with a short rant to begin the day, we will nod them our minimal thanks, and get on with the show…. shall we Pearl?….
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“To confess a fault freely is the next thing to being innocent of it.” — Publius Syrus

“Danger, danger, Will Robinson!”  Take heed!  The above statement has been around for a long time, obviously. And it is as dangerous a concept today as it was back when ol’ Publius mouthed this particular lie. Yes, I said lie…. this is a vicious, vindictive lie, one that I’m sure is in almost constant use in the Vatican, in Congress, and in the White House.

I’m sorry, but I cannot just let this go; the frank admission of a vice does NOT turn that vice into a virtue… Nope, it doesn’t, no matter how many times you say it, it just isn’t going to be the truth…. though, in reality, it has been said so often, and for so long, that most people accept it as such….

To my way of thinking, which is admittedly dissimilar to the average Joe’s, this is the root cause of a lot of what is wrong in society today. This idea was adopted by the Christian churches within moments of the death of Jesus Christ, seemingly, and has been the justification for war, oppression, and violence by the minions of that religion for thousands of years now. You see, they can kill, or hate, or enslave the proponents of other religions without fear of consequence, because they know that all will be forgiven, and Heaven will not deny them, if only they confess to their sins…. Nice work, if you can get it…

It has been noted before that to kill another human is against religious law…. that is, it is against that law if one man kills another. But, if many men are killed, in the name of the state, or of the church, then those who kill are rewarded as heroes. This hypocrisy has been true of every government since the beginning of society, aided and abetted by the churches, who reap the benefits of favoritism from the government (Boy, wouldn’t it be nice if WE were free from being taxed?….). If I wasn’t such an adult, with a sense of decorum and dignity, why, I’d spit right in their faces!

Which is why I do so, figuratively speaking, on such a regular basis…. believe me, if any of these corporate or religious honchos were to ever appear before me, I would be spitting as fast as I could work up the saliva…. and I wouldn’t be offering tissues, either….

Remember this ffolkes, at the next election…. just because they admit to lying, doesn’t mean the lie didn’t happen… in fact, it makes it worse, as it insults my intelligence for them to believe for a second that I would buy into that…. But, then, they don’t care how much they insult people, as long as they keep getting elected… and forgiven….
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“Our days are happier when we give people a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind.” — Smart Bee

I think this is obvious to the point of becoming natural law. It’s a very close insight into human nature, and I don’t know about y’all, but it sure is true for me. Today is a perfect example of this….

I feel trapped a lot of the time. Hemmed in by the very society who is supposedly there to support me in my efforts to pursue my life’s goals and aspirations. Of course, anybody over the age of 10 realizes that that support often resembles a slap to the head, but the point is that society’s purpose for existing is to aid it’s citizens in maximizing their experiences for their benefit.

I mean, that is what its purpose is MEANT to be; I don’t think it would be very beneficial if this isn’t the case. Society is supposed to work in such a way that all of its members have an equal chance to succeed in whatever they undertake in life… that is its ostensible reason for existing at all….

In reality, it doesn’t work that way, for the simple reason that some of the folks in the game have changed the rules, simply to suit themselves, and what they want. And what they want is total control of everyone else…. They’re pretty good at it, too.

For close to 10,000 years now, the beloved ruling class has set things up in our culture to favor themselves. They have lied, cheated, stolen, killed, repressed, oppressed, and generally acted in a manner that the rest of humanity considers immoral, unethical, and inhuman, at the core. They have done this right in front of our eyes. The rules and laws that are agreed to by all were written to favor those in power, not those who serve.

Though every church shouts out how moral and ethical it is, and spouts off about the virtue of faith and obedience, they do so not from spiritual surety, but from avarice and ambition. Though every government claims to have the welfare of the people as its purported goal, the only people who gain are those who are already wealthy. The rest get welfare alright, but not the kind they should be able to expect….

And that is why it pisses me off so badly…. as humans, all we really want to do is be happy. It isn’t so much to ask. Most folks are happy when they have enough to eat, a place to sleep, and someone they love to be around. It soothes our nature to be able to share such feelings, hence the accuracy of the quote from Smart Bee above. We just feel better when we can share good feelings with others…. But, we are constantly blocked from doing so, by the society we live in.

In today’s culture, we are put in a situation where it takes all of our time and effort just to obtain the things we need; food, shelter, clothing. Gathering enough resources to ensure an ample supply of all three takes more than one person can make, thanks to the economic picture in a world where 1% of the population controls 99% of the money and resources.

Unless one throws aside all of one’s humanity, becoming one of the ruthless ones, indifferent to the suffering of others, as are those who inhabit the 1%, making enough to get by in today’s society just isn’t possible… I know, I’ve spent the last 50 years trying, and I’m a pretty talented guy….

Now, I don’t care about being rich. “If you want a life of trouble, fill your house with treasures…”, a Chinese proverb so old I don’t know who said it. But, I’ve believed it all my life, and worked only to get enough to live comfortably, and to provide stability and opportunities to succeed for my family. I’ve never given in to the urge to take advantage of others, or to cheat, or steal, or lie in order to get ahead; if I didn’t get ahead on merit, I stayed where I was.

It didn’t seem to matter much, anyway. The system is set up so that, at each step up the ladder of financial gain, the rules become more complicated, and are still set up to deny advancement. (I.E., as you make more money, they take more taxes…. In order to borrow money, you must already have money…. etc…)

Lately, the government has been less creative in their lies as to why they are taking money from the average Joe…. for all three of the last raises I got when working, the money was taken away by furloughs, reducing my hours. Each time I expected to make a bit more, they would take away another day’s work, thus eliminating the advancement in pay…. The justification was that state employees made too much anyway, and taking away their money was going to balance the budget… funny how that didn’t work out that way….

Being retired from working has had two effects for me, neither of which is particularly helpful…. It gives me way too much time to be able to look at reality, and find the flaws and kinks that are causing all the friction and conflict in the world. Unfortunately, it has also made the task of obtaining the three necessary items for survival more difficult, by reducing my income drastically, to the poverty line, and at the same time, making it more physically difficult to accomplish what I need to do. SIGH…. Murphy is such an ASSHOLE!

Okay, I’m done. I could go on most of the day, but it’s starting to sound whiny to me. I’m not a victim. I will be alright, eventually. I will be more than alright. But, it pisses me off royally that I can’t spend more time sharing my heart with others, rather than sharing my thoughts….

My heart is much more fun to be around, mostly…. at least I’d like to think so. Now, if I can only get it to climb out of the hole of depression it has crawled into so much lately, perhaps I can find a way to cheer it up…. as long as Murphy will give me a breather now and again….
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“A lawyer and a pope died on the same day, and both went to heaven. When the pope noticed that the lawyer had a larger mansion, he questioned Saint Peter about the allocation of rewards.  The  justification was “Well, we’ve had 265 popes up here, but this is the FIRST lawyer!” — Smart Bee

A couple of years ago, I made a poor decision, trying to help my son out of his own foolishness. I hired a lawyer for him, not knowing that the lawyer was one of those who are in the business of law for their own benefit, not that of their clients. Within four days of hiring him, I had been charged over $2500, and nothing had even been done, other than starting a file, making a five minute court appearance, where nothing was changed or reduced, and making two phone calls.

The bill I received noted that the charge for the two phone calls was for $68.75 EACH! (15 minutes of time at $275/hour). The charge for the five minute court appearance was for four hours at that rate. With the $1200 he charged me just for accepting the case, he had, in less than one week, charged me the equivalent of an entire month’s pay, at the rate I was then making.

I was astounded, and said so in a letter firing him. I have been struggling ever since to get that paid, and will sometimes offer my feelings about it when I send them a check. The secretary recently had the nerve to suggest to me that I shouldn’t include jokes about lawyers going to Hell if I was asking for patience…. Again, I was astounded, but managed to not bite her (it is fortunate her office is in another town, and my ability to get there is hampered…), but simply commented that the joke was about how I felt, not about the lawyer…. which was perfectly true…. Here is what I sent….

A lawyer shows up at the pearly gates. St. Peter says, “Normally we don’t let you people in here but you’re in luck, we have a special this week. You go to hell for the length of time you were alive, then you get to come back up here for eternity.” The lawyer says, “I’ll take the deal.” St. Peter says, “Good, I’ll put you down for 212 years in hell …” The lawyer says, “What are you talking about? I’m 65 years old!”  St. Peter says, “Up here we go by billing hours.” — Orson Bean

Now, I ask you, is that cruel? Of course not, it’s merely accurate. It certainly shows as much consideration for the lawyer’s feelings as he showed for mine. And, hey, this is MY blog, isn’t it? Why, yes, I do believe it is, and I believe that I’ll just keep on humiliating lawyers of his ilk whenever I feel like it…. so there….
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Ah, it always feels good to get out those particular nasty feelings and thoughts. Of course, after such a piece, I must needs spend the next few minutes thoroughly washing up, as it tends to get all over when I spew like that….. Bloody assholes…. Any who, it’s been nothing if not real today…. hopefully I haven’t pulled anyone into my nightmare. I’ll say this, though… I feel better for having vented, and I’ll settle for that…. Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you….


Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.

gigoid

Kowabunga!