YOW! The Zipster said he’d let us sift some of his debris!…


In the course of human events, logic and/or intelligent design aren’t included in the blueprints, though there are some among us who pride themselves on having or using both…. Those poor deluded souls are usually the ones struggling the hardest to find either one in themselves…..

Those of us who actually LIVE with those elements, as part of the fabric we have woven, know better than to expect it from the normal run of human; it just isn’t part of their bag of tools, or as some call them, tricks….  Expecting them to show logical behavior is a pointless exercise, because it’s just not in them….

There, I said it…. Now will you leave me be? Oh, hi, ffolkes, come on in…. Don’t mind him, he’s just an iconic force of nature, who forced his way in here to start badgering me about ranting, for some unknown reason, at this ungodly hour of the day…. A PITA, to be sure…. but, I’ve given him what he demanded, a short, pointed statement on the 90% of humanity who reside on the sloped portion of that famous bell curve, upon which humanity’s every characteristic may be described as falling….. Which bell curve? Okay, I’ll tell ya….

In humans, almost every one of the characteristics that describe how our species exists, our species’ characteristics, in terms of the efficacy of our thinking, sort of, can be said to be accurately portrayed by the use of a bell curve, that mathematical model which best matches our nature…. In this model, about 5% of mankind are genius, on one end of the curve, while another 5% exhibit less than normal intelligence, at the other end; in between are the 90%, the bulk of mankind, whose minds are relatively normal…. On a straight-line curve, it would look like this….

— Genius –Talented — Average — Challenged — Stupid —

Obviously, that’s a bit simple, but, it gives y’all the general idea…

Of course, such simplistic models are necessary, to keep the questions to a minimum, and to present such arguments without creating any MORE resentment among those whose level of intelligence is part of that 90% that possesses less than what might be called optimum IQ….

Plus, it’s hard to have any discussion of this, without questions of motivation arising, a process that, once started, has no good ending…. In fact, discussions about this subject tend to be fraught with all kinds of potential to go wrong, thus, they end up creating more misunderstanding than is cleared up…. which, in my haste to find an intro, I forgot…

So, I am going to be a coward, albeit a smart coward, having resolved to drop this whole subject, as one I don’t really want to pursue…. Nothing useful can come of it, so, hey, why not bow to reality? It’s not as if I had so much invested in it that I’m unwilling to give up on the effort, is it?

Nope, cuz, as it is plainly obvious, to me, at least, just how LITTLE interest in finishing it I really had…. I’m not sure why I started in on that in the first place…. I guess the sight of all that blank whiteness threw me off for a minute, fooling me into thinking I needed to be serious, and sober…. Piss on THAT, eh?

In fact, I see by the above that I’ve managed to spew out enough BS to fill up the intro again…. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I’d planned it this way…. Nah! No way that much thought went into this!….. Whatever the case may be, as to motivation, and/or execution, we made it this far, and that, in the final analysis, is all that matters….

Shall we Pearl?….

“Always obey your superiors–if you have any.’ — Mark Twain


Having thus given away the whole secret right there, with that quote from Twain, I will now tell you the GOOD news, which is that I’m not up to a rant today; not a fresh one, anyway…. I also don’t feel like spending the time & energy to go find something appropriate in the archives…. In point of fact, I’m feeling altogether lazy, which makes me a bit nervous re: the outcome of this Pearl…. But, I am smothering my fears, as I type, since I’ve decided that there is nothing wrong with being lazy…. Not a thing….

Truth be told, I’m feeling very CAT-like today; I really, really don’t give a shit…..about much of anything. I don’t feel like ranting, or pearling at all, for that matter; it’s only my damned sense of duty that keeps me chained to this desk, with periodic breaks for pain relief measures, until I get this done each day…. I guess today is no exception…. So, to save further issues of any kind from developing, I’m now going for a dive, and I won’t be back until I’ve found a seven-star pearl to fill this section…. Parameters? What parameters? I’m just going to hold a gun to SB’s head until I get what I want….

“Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s worth the effort.” — Goebel’s Law of Useless Difficulty

“It’s good to be just plain happy; it’s a little better to know that you’re happy; but to understand that you’re happy and to know why and how, in what way, because of what concatenation of events or circumstances, and still be happy, be happy in the being and the knowing, well, that is beyond happiness — that is bliss, and if you have any sense you ought to kill yourself on the spot and be done with it.” — Henry Miller, “The Colossus of Maroussi”

“Find time still to be learning somewhat good, and give up being desultory.” — Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD) — Meditations, ii, 7

“All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.” — Sean O’Casey

“We get into the habit of living before acquiring the habit of thinking…” — Albert Camus

Cynic, n.: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.  Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic’s eyes to improve his vision. — Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil’s Dictionary”

“In the bigger scheme of things, the universe is not asking us to do something, the universe is asking us to be something. And that’s a whole different thing.” — Lucille Clifton

Not bloody bad for a pick-up-sticks kind of day, eh? That first quote, to my way of thinking, may just be the best definition of modern American politics I’ve ever seen…. Okay, so I’m a cynic, which is okay, because I have no plans to travel anywhere near Scythia….


As stated above, my laziness today is legion…. You’ll have to put up with another of my old poems…. In fact, I’m SO lazy today, you get a two-fer, all because I couldn’t work up the energy to decide which one to use…..

Yoda says, “learn to like it, you must, or forever will you lump it…”

I know I’m in the now, if only…..

Oh, there it is again, fiddle faddle;
  Begone, I said, vamoose, skedaddle!
It looked at me as if I were insane:
  Scoffed, it did, filled me with pain.

Where does it come from?
Where does it live?
I’d stick out my thumb,
if I had more to give.

If only, should, would, could it be?
  It went away again, this time free.
It will be back again, this I know;
  or I’m wrong, and it won’t show.

Who cares?
Who hears?
Such goings on wobble the sphere,
I wish it wouldn’t do that here.

I’ve been wrong before…..

~~ gigoid ~~


Intelligent Crimes

The value of wit is often said to cause harm,
for those who think, such is its greatest charm.
The new and the bold cannot be fulfilled
if innovation and change is left unwilled.

Society behaves at its base as a mob
conformity and submission its primary job.
Any sign of rebellion against the mob’s rule
is met with resentment, naming such rebel the fool.

Intellect and talent are looked at askance,
expressing artistry stands nary a chance.
To stand out from the rest of mankind
is fraught with danger, for body and mind.

Often I stand to watch in solemn dismay
as beauty and joy are left by the way,
ignored and reviled by the unwashed masses
who prefer darkness, and acting like asses.

With shouts of derision the normals make known
their fear of intelligence, greater than their own.
They hope to stop all semblance of progress;
for thoughts and ideas, they couldn’t care less.

The world struggles on in spite of all opposition,
managing to maintain its advanced position.
Pulling the foolish along in spite of reluctance,
helping each to learn the survival dance.

Hard though it may be to keep up with the future
genius manages its plans to develop and nurture.
In the final analysis, those who live by reason
enjoy life the most, season to season.

~~ gigoid ~~


Today’s final pearl will be of the odd-duck variety, our newest incarnation, complete with link, a great deal of chutzpah, and a five-star old school pearl to make the point of the missing rant…. Here for your reading pleasure is the latest article from Mark Morford, lexicographer and vocabularian extraordinaire, with a very cogent take on the latest example of a corporate sleaze-bucket parading his bigotry in public…. Read this first, then enjoy the pearl that follows, all about assholes like the one who owns the Clippers….


“I sense that much of this historic moment is escaping you.” — Brain

“Hit the road, Jack, and don’t you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.” — Ray Charles, and the Raylettes

MYRMIDON, n.  A follower of Achilles — particularly when he didn’t lead. — Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil’s Dictionary”

“If the whole human race lay in one grave, the epitaph on its headstone might well be: `It seemed like a good idea at the time.'” — Rebecca West

Angels and ministers of grace, defend us!
Be thou a spirit of health or goblin damn’d,
Bring with thee airs from heaven or blasts from hell,
Be thy intents wicked or charitable,
Thou comest in such a questionable shape
That I will speak to thee: I ‘ll call thee Hamlet,
King, father, royal Dane: O, answer me!
Let me not burst in ignorance, but tell
Why thy canonized bones, hearsed in death,
Have burst their cerements; why the sepulchre,
Wherein we saw thee quietly inurn’d,
Hath oped his ponderous and marble jaws
To cast thee up again. What may this mean,
That thou, dead corpse, again in complete steel
Revisit’st thus the glimpses of the moon,
Making night hideous,
So horridly to shake our disposition
With thoughts beyond the reaches of our souls?

— William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet — Act i, Sc. 4

I know this one doesn’t SEEM very vituperative, at first glance; as well, it MAY just be a bit TOO esoteric for even my Gentle Readers, who should be used to me by now…. However, it gave me a chance to use what I believe to be Will’s BEST piece of work, while the rest of the entries performed the stimulation a good pearl needs…. If that seems like a lot to read into five little quotes, well, maybe we need to practice more…. This is a very good pearl, ffolkes, so absorb it, even if you don’t ‘get it’ right off…. The power of metaphor can be abstruse, and slow-acting, but, it’s like a river that floods its banks…. inexorable….


“I hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have a REASON to live!!” — Zippy the Pinhead

It probably says something about me, that such statements from Bill and Zippy strike me as so apt, at certain moments in time…. This one just jumped up into my face out of Smart Bee, demanding I use it here, in the closing section…. Actually, it tried to bully its way into the last pearl, but, I made it wait for the proper venue, and time, while distracting Zippy with a shiny coin…

Now that I seem to have purged myself of all the nonsense and crap that built up in there since yesterday, I’m going to, as they say, cut my losses, and hit the proverbial road…. Oh, don’t worry, I’ll proof first, but, I’ll do that in stealth mode, so it won’t disturb the natives, or, any of you….. See y’all tomorrow….

Y’all take care out there,
and May the Metaphorse be with you;
Blessed Be, dearest  Carole, Mark, and Theresa…
and everyone else, too…

When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.

Which is Why….

Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes,
I just sits.

gigoid the dubious



Preparing to salivate on command….


Living with cats is always more than one bargains for; they have a strong connection to the forces of chaos and entropy, and dealing with their capricious natures is as difficult as, well….. as difficult as trying to herd cats…. a well-used, and well-deserved cliche, if not actually an iconic adverbial state…. The potential volatility of a close relationship with a feline can be especially true when one is dealing with a cat with “issues”…… Now, you may ask, what kind of “issues” could such a “wee puir beestie” as these adorable creatures possibly have? Well, I’m here to tell you, they can be quite nasty issues, driven by dark emotional states, and made worse by the lack of human capability to understand the nature of Cat…..

At this point, I would be expected to outline some of the cuter, or perhaps, funnier episodes with our cat that demonstrate how adorable they are, and what wonderful companions they make for us seniors…. and, I would, if I could….. However, OUR cat does NOT do cute, or adorable, or even funny, for that matter…. She just does psycho…. She does that quite well, but I can’t say that as much of a recommendation, as her unfortunate destructiveness tends to keep us scrambling to the store to replace knick knacks at an alarming rate…. We’ve got Bed, Bath, & Beyond on speed dial from having to check their inventory so often, due to PC 14666,destruction of private property by a feline perpetrator acting in the guise of one of Satan’s minions….

This poor little devil started life with some handicaps, unfortunately, which are, sadly, compounded by her relatively obnoxious personality, an unfortunate trait caused by being raised feral for the first month of life…. She’s never really recovered all of the veneer of civilization that more domestic cats assume; she’s got a wild edge she has a hard time controlling, and which causes her, and us, a bit of conflict….. You see, she bites…. the little asshole never learned that it isn’t polite, or acceptable, to bite humans, not even for affection, and certainly not as a habit in anger…. Kitties who develop this habit often end up as recreational flying toys, aka, Frisbees, after having been unceremoniously been tossed on the interstate after biting their human in a pique of anger or warning….

This cat also has the usual cat arrogance, and a number of prerogatives upon which she insists; for example, upon arising in the morning, she informs whoever is up that she wants food, water, an open window, and company, NOW. Actually, anything she wants is required to be furnished NOW, but, this trait is one I don’t worry about, since to a cat, or dog, or other creature of their ilk, NOW is all there is….They don’t spend any mental time in the past, or in the future, so they always want whatever they want right away, simply because, for them, that’s all there is to time….

Now, if only she could learn that counter tops, refrigerators, cupboards, computers, and other parts of the house and furniture are NOT all her domain, and she does NOT have free rein to jump on or into everything she sees….. She also tends to believe that whatever falls on the floor belongs to her, but, in this, at least, she will negotiate, if one is prepared to give up some crumpled up paper, or, even better, tinfoil, in any compromise exchange of favors…. It’s lowering to have to negotiate with a cat, but, they’re very good at hostage situations, so, one must deal on their terms, at least until whatever she’s hidden is found, or rescued….

Now that I’ve demonstrated that we too have a cat, one that can provide nearly unlimited material for study or exposition, merely by existing side by side with us in our domiciles, I suppose I can get on with what we came here for today….. Learning the techniques needed for certain types of literature are well practiced, and better learned by writing about animals….. and, one will find, after a time of watching them closely, describing their behaviors can be a full-time, frustrating job; learning to do so well can be considered excellent training for any writer…. One MUST know how to set a scene, and make the reader see what the author wishes them to see; learning to describe the actions of a Cat are the perfect method for learning to do that well….

None of the above even begins to consider all the material that is also available in this category, of a more complex, personal nature, to wit: writing about our complex, loving, yet adversarial personal relationships with the cattus domesticus with whom we may end up sharing space…. People’s relationships with their cats are as deep, and loving, and complex as those they have with any person…. This, of course, gives us a fertile field from which to draw our subject matter, and makes writing about cats a staple exercise for anyone who wishes to consider themselves to be a competent author….

It’s also quite fun, re-living whatever experiences one has with their cats, who are, in truth, as much our best friends as dogs….. The long-standing agreement we humans have with the cat species is much different than the one we hold with dogs, but it is just as ancient, and just as strong on both sides….

Now that I’ve completely gone off, far afield, in a direction never before taken, there must be some way to get back on track, and get my butt into the water, diving for pearls to create some thoughts in those empty heads out there…. It seems I’d best get to it quickly today, too, as my carpal tunnel has picked today to act up, numbing my fingers as I type…. Oh boy, this will be FUN!….. NOT!  Oh well….

Shall we Pearl?…..

Tell me, O Octopus, I begs,
Is those things arms, or is they legs?
I marvel at thee, Octopus;
If I were thou, I’d call me us.

— Odgen Nash (1902-1971)

Ohmigosh, Most Puissant Keeper, Protector of the Forever Dubious, help us! Do not desert us in our hour of need! Give us this day our humble desire, for sustenance to feed the mind, to help them grow to become worthy tools in the hands of our Gentle Readers. (Hmm…. okay, to all those Gentle Readers out there today….. please ignore any and/or all anatomical inferences, or references, in that last little statement…. I’m afraid I got my metaphors mixed up with my euphemisms, and the results are a bit confusing…. so, never mind….. ) Let Smart Bee, that most excellent of databases, find and offer up the most intelligent, the most ironic, the funniest pearls, no matter how old, dusty, or what dark corner in which is was found….

There you go, ffolkes, my version of prayer…. Let’s hope Ohmisgosh was listening….

“Every day should be passed as if it were to be our last.” — Publius Syrus (42 BC) — Maxim 633

“Reality happens when you don’t make it to the bathroom.” — Smart Bee

“It does not matter whether the cat is black or white.  So long as it catches the mouse, it is a good cat.” — Deng Xiaoping

“Big Business and State Socialism are very much alike, especially Big Business.” — G. K. Chesterton, G.K.’s Weekly, 4/10/26

Men must be taught as if you taught them not,
And things unknown propos’d as things forgot.

— Alexander Pope (1688-1744) — Essay on Criticism, Part iii, Line 15

“Power must never be trusted without a check.” — John Adams
(Side note: When I first saw this, I read it as “never be trusted WITH a check!”….. but, it works either way, doesn’t it?….)

Knowledge by suffering entereth,
And life is perfected by death.

— Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1809-1861) — A Vision of Poets, Conclusion

Hmm…. Smart Bee is showing off, I think…. That, or it feels as if the contractual obligation for obscurity hasn’t been met, and is just doing its part to help the team…. I won’t bother to remind it that it’s only January, and we have a very long time to get that done…. It was a nice gesture, even if it does leave us scratching our heads a bit…. I suppose it’s one of those pearls that will sit in there, in our heads, until it ripens, whereupon it will explode, leaving us all in awe at the sheer genius thus displayed….     Or, maybe not…. Only time will tell, once again…. Funny how that keeps happening….

“Verbing weirds language.” — Calvin (from “Calvin and Hobbes”)

Someday, I believe Calvin & Hobbes will be on a par, reputation-wise, with Pogo, Doonesbury, Dilbert, and a few other comic strips that are, because of the genius of their authors, as much social commentary as humor. Calvin’s display of all of the most dramatic human characteristics, including the vices, is perfectly counterbalanced by Hobbes brilliantly wise (both in creativity and common sense…), compassionate, grounded yet wildly original, commentary, whether presented in an existential framework, or something more mundane. With the little complaint above, the creator, Bill Watterson, articulates a particular pet peeve of mine…. in three words…..

I am in awe of this statement, much as when I find a piece of poetry that displays such an innate understanding of language, while simultaneously showing the power of using it well…. Using verbs as nouns, and vice versa, is a habit of modern culture I deplore as much as any other in the field of language usage; seeing it is an issue for others is a big relief to me, especially in a media venue that can influence a lot of people’s attitudes….

Of course, it’s something that will fly right by those millions of folks who DON’T read, either books, or newspapers, but, hey, one can’t have everything…. Those particular folks won’t be worrying much about what a verb is, or a noun, anyway, and won’t be deliberately switching them around to try to appear clever…..

There, now you can never say I don’t just ramble incoherently for no reason at all…. I just saw the quote, and it ticked off this little mini-rant against a very minor form of linguistic ignorance…. As we say around here…. never mind….. Here’s a nice poem to make it all better….. You didn’t notice the spoiler above, in the intro section?…. Don’t worry, neither did I, until the proofing stage…. Our minds can play funny tricks on us, can’t they?….

Adventures Of Isabel

Isabel met an enormous bear,
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t care;
The bear was hungry, the bear was ravenous,
The bear’s big mouth was cruel and cavernous.
The bear said, Isabel, glad to meet you,
How do, Isabel, now I’ll eat you!
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry.
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry.
She washed her hands and she straightened her hair up,
Then Isabel quietly ate the bear up.
Once in a night as black as pitch
Isabel met a wicked old witch.
the witch’s face was cross and wrinkled,
The witch’s gums with teeth were sprinkled.
Ho, ho, Isabel! the old witch crowed,
I’ll turn you into an ugly toad!
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry,
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry,
She showed no rage and she showed no rancor,
But she turned the witch into milk and drank her.
Isabel met a hideous giant,
Isabel continued self reliant.
The giant was hairy, the giant was horrid,
He had one eye in the middle of his forhead.
Good morning, Isabel, the giant said,
I’ll grind your bones to make my bread.
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry,
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry.
She nibbled the zwieback that she always fed off,
And when it was gone, she cut the giant’s head off.
Isabel met a troublesome doctor,
He punched and he poked till he really shocked her.
The doctor’s talk was of coughs and chills
And the doctor’s satchel bulged with pills.
The doctor said unto Isabel,
Swallow this, it will make you well.
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry,
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry.
She took those pills from the pill concocter,
And Isabel calmly cured the doctor.

~~ Ogden Nash ~~


I did a search of the morning’s headlines when I sat down to begin today’s effort, but, found nothing worthy of a rant, or even minor outrage, other than the usual critical view I have regarding the media’s choice of what news is fit to disseminate…. To be fair in their defense, I also try to keep in mind that I don’t have access to, or time to look at, ALL of the information that is out there to be absorbed…. So, I content myself with what passes for mainstream news, without falling into the trap of getting it from any site or organization that has a vested interest in what is to be brought forth…. such as, say, Fox News, MSNBC, or any of the major networks or their affiliates…. In short, I don’t much trust any of the news outlets that have ANY connection to a vested interest, so, it can be hard to get the straight story on many events….

In the long run, this, along with just about anything else one might think of, is a moot point, which only serves to illustrate the reason today’s Pearl won’t have what might usually be expected in the way of a rant, or as my good friend Lou puts it, my “bitching” about society’s ills….. Due to the (apparent) sparsity of my audience, loyal as those few are, I can’t argue that what I’m doing often FEELS like bitching…. That’s okay, though, because I’m only concerned with the message, and getting it over to people who need to hear it; there’s no denying, for that purpose, bitching is good. Well, it feels good, anyway, so, I’ll keep at it….

In the meantime, though, in order to fulfill the formatting requirements of this blog, I have to put SOMETHING here…. This means, of course, it will have to be a random, old-school pearl, with no particular rhyme, reason, or parameters for inclusion, other than…. it must SOUND as if it means something….

“The most important reason for the drug laws in this country is to encourage a healthy distrust for the law.” — Smart Bee

“Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom.” — Samuel Taylor Coleridge

“Orthodoxy is not thinking – not having to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.” — George Orwell (1903-1950), “1984”

“Death is a commingling of eternity with time; in the death of a good man, eternity is seen looking through time.” — Goethe

“In this world there is always danger for those who are afraid of it.” — George Bernard Shaw

“Paradoxically though it may seem, it is none the less true that life imitates art far more than art imitates life.” — Oscar Wilde

“If the whole human race lay in one grave, the epitaph on its headstone might well be:’It seemed like a good idea at the time.'” — Rebecca West

Sometimes, this process works better than I know…. Upon due reflection, this may be one of those times…. Any ideas?….

Well…. instead of going into such a deep subject, or relying solely on what may be the oldest bad joke in the English language, I’ll just go on about my business as though nothing undue or immoral had occurred here…. which, you will note, it didn’t…. technically….. On that relatively positive note,  I bid thee adieu, until tomorrow….

Y’all take care out there,
and May the Metaphorse be with you;
Blessed Be, dearest  Carole, Mark, and Theresa…
and everyone else, too…

When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.

Which is Why….

Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.