Ffolkes,
Thankfully, the massive outbreak of pain I experienced yesterday is but a memory today…. so far. I’ve become accustomed to having my assessments of this condition undergo rapid changes, almost as if Murphy were involved. Whenever I make the mistake of commenting on its absence, it will rush back to assure me it isn’t gone altogether, but was merely hiding from me, in order to make itself more…. noticeable? Shit, what a crock! I’m not buying that, with or without credit cards….. Besides, it doesn’t matter much what I say or do, it seems to pick its own time and place to attack, always the most inconvenient it can find, of course….
I’m not sure how much y’all have had pain in your life; we all have it to some degree. My own experience with it as a constant companion tells me, it has a number of faces and body types, each of which affects our own in different ways. The “why” of that escapes me, but, since it’s one of those things that we cannot change or affect in any way, it’s useless to worry about it. Suffice it to say the different appearances it may adopt make it possible to at least describe how they may differ, and how they can be dealt with, if at all…
The kind of pain I had yesterday is such that can’t really be affected much, without resorting to drugs that turn me into a zombie…. My doctor tried me on methadone once, which, it turns out, is a pretty powerful drug…. One ten mg. dose, and I would have needed no makeup, or acting ability, in order to play the part of one of the newly-popular undead…. I couldn’t smile, or frown, or formulate any emotional response beyond a simple “oh?”…. I had no connection to my will, and found myself sitting in my chair at work, staring at the monitor, drooling, and wondering if I would ever be able to move again…. There was no pain, but there was also no life, so, I decided that a small amount of pain was preferable to being essentially dead….
Most of the time, my pain recedes into the background; the hydrocodone I take to control it has worked fairly well, so far, at putting up a wall between the pain, and my conscious mind’s awareness of that pain. As long as I can keep from increasing the number of pills I use to get that effect, I am fairly well set to live life relatively normally, if I’m careful not to overdo my physical demands on my body. If I do make that mistake, and “tweak” my back, or hips, then the pain goes to a level that the pills can’t handle, and I have to take an extra dose or two, get myself prone in order to remove gravity from the equation, and hope that over time, the pain will lessen….
Thus far, it always does grow less, so, as long as that is true, then I can look forward to a fairly normal existence…. Once the pain reaches another level or two higher than it is now, I’ll have to make a decision, as to whether or not to start taking stronger medications, such as the methadone, or oxy-contin, or morphine…. all of which are highly addictive, and ultimately lead to a state that I really don’t want to contemplate as one I may have to enter. Life is tough enough right now, without adding in more complications due to drugs; I already feel like I’m a walking pharmacy when I travel, with the minimum of eight different drugs I am taking each day, at various times…..
Okay, I think I’m done with the bitch-fest for now. The pain has receded to a manageable level, and it promises to be a nice day, weather-wise; what more can an old man ask for from life? Not much, I’ll tell ya, because, more than just that can be hard to pin down; wishing for more is generally a waste of everybody’s time and energy, since the universe pretty much ignores anything we may want, and goes about its business without considering our needs or desires at all. Just as well, I suppose, or we humans might get a sense of entitlement, and think we’re the lords of creation, or something….
Oh, we do? Well, that’s pretty stupid, isn’t it? Oh well, people are strange, of that there is no doubt….. Shall we Pearl?…..
“I can’t think about that. It doesn’t go with HEDGES in the shape of LITTLE LULU — or ROBOTS making BRICKS…” — Zippy the Pinhead
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“A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.” — Alfred Alder
So, I was going to forgo a rant today, giving my back, and your brains, a bit of a break, but, when I went to peruse the news, I saw the latest discussion of what is happening in the House of Idiots in Washington, D.C., regarding the budget resolutions being discussed, wherein the possibility of a government shutdown is threatened, if the Retardicans and Demobutts can’t come to some kind of compromise.
(What a wonderful dream! No government to worry about… can we get that in writing, please, in perpetua, or whatever the legal term for “forever” is?)
It seems the Retardicans are still upset about Obamacare, and the notion of helping the middle class, as well as the lower classes (gasp!), to obtain medical insurance coverage at a reasonable cost. This idea, of being fair and ethical, seems to have struck them in the wrong place, and they have been whining and complaining ever since it became law, frantically searching for ways to undermine the whole program, with the ultimate goal being to stop it altogether….
The entire issue, of course, is just smoke, to cover up the simple racism that these assholes won’t cop to…. It is STILL stuck in their craw, after over five years, that they somehow allowed a BLACK MAN to get elected to the highest public office. They have looked for, and desperately latched onto, every possible way they could find to block every piece of legislation the White House has espoused, no matter how much such legislation would help the public, ever since Obama was first elected.
The publicly stated goal of the Retardican Party in 2008, right after the election, was to make Obama a one-term President; having failed at that, their new goal became the eradication of ANY laws, or any beneficial reforms, that were accomplished during his administration…. Hence, the campaign against healthcare reform, which, ultimately, is not in their, or the country’s best interests, but, hey, who needs common sense?….
I’m almost too disgusted with the entire bunch of them, Retardicans and Demobutts both, to even continue this rant….The right wing continues to shoot itself, and the public, in the foot with their intransigent inflexibility, and their unreasoning paranoia about the POTUS, while the left side continues to wander around with a vacant expression, letting whatever the administration says or does go without question or review, as if somehow a man who was politician enough to get elected to the Senate, then the Presidency, all of a sudden became the world’s most truthful man…. Sorry, folks, it just doesn’t follow….. such trust in ANYONE who is an elected official in this country is plain silly, and doesn’t show much real common sense….
I see NO ONE in the public venue whom I would trust to make decisions for me, on ANY subject, much less those that can affect my life, and the quality of same…. Sorry, I just don’t see ANYONE who seems to be honestly interested in anything beyond their own agenda, and those agendas have nothing to do with mine, or what I see as beneficial for everyone…. They just don’t…..
I also, unfortunately, don’t have any viable solutions, which is why my rants often are short…. I mean, I do know what would help, and that is for everyone in the world who does have common sense to get together, join forces, and tell the assholes to stop…. But, they have guns, which they are practiced in using to get their way, whereas, most of US aren’t willing to contest matters on that level, so, that probably isn’t ever going to happen…. Not until more of our side are willing to use force to get our way, just as they have always done….
Since I don’t see it happening, we may as well just kiss our asses goodbye, because the eventual outcome of such idiocy is death, and I don’t mean individually, but rather, as a species…. Stupid is as stupid does, as somebody once said, and when I look around the world these days, stupid is pretty much all I see…..
Hell is the place of those who have denied;
They find there what they planted and what dug,
A Lake of Spaces, and a Wood of Nothing,
And wander there and drift, and never cease
Wailing for substance.
— William Butler Yeats, Responsibilities and Other Poems (1916).The Hour-Glass
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I know it is a dream, even a pipe dream, but, if there is any poet in the world I try to emulate, it is T.S. Eliot…. His poetry, to me, is like the music of the spheres, sounding forever through the darkness, bringing beauty, light, and peace, where it is most needed, and little known…..
Apeneck Sweeney spreads his knees
Letting his arms hang down to laugh,
The zebra stripes along his jaw
Swelling to maculate giraffe.
The circles of the stormy moon
Slide westward toward the River Plate,
Death and the Raven drift above
And Sweeney guards the horned gate.
Gloomy Orion and the Dog
Are veiled; and hushed the shrunken seas;
The person in the Spanish cape
Tries to sit on Sweeney’s knees
Slips and pulls the table cloth
Overturns a coffee-cup,
Reorganized upon the floor
She yawns and draws a stocking up;
The silent man in mocha brown
Sprawls at the window-sill and gapes;
The waiter brings in oranges
Bananas figs and hothouse grapes;
The silent vertebrate in brown
Contracts and concentrates, withdraws;
Rachel née Rabinovitch
Tears at the grapes with murderous paws;
She and the lady in the cape
Are suspect, thought to be in league;
Therefore the man with heavy eyes
Declines the gambit, shows fatigue,
Leaves the room and reappears
Outside the window, leaning in,
Branches of wisteria
Circumscribe a golden grin;
The host with someone indistinct
Converses at the door apart,
The nightingales are singing near
The Convent of the Sacred Heart,
And sang within the bloody wood
When Agamemnon cried aloud,
And let their liquid droppings fall
To stain the stiff dishonoured shroud.
~~ T.S. Eliot ~~
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Okay, so, having no clue as to how to finish this one, I’m going with a weird version of old-school…. I’m not even sure whether it’s legally a pearl, but, I DID find it in an oyster bed, so….
:bozotic: /boh-zoh’tik/ or /boh-zo’tik/ adj. [from the name of a TV clown even more losing than Ronald McDonald] Resembling or having the quality of a bozo; that is, clownish, ludicrously wrong, unintentionally humorous. Compare {wonky}, {demented}. Note that the noun `bozo’ occurs in slang, but the mainstream adjectival form would be `bozo-like’ or (in New England) `bozoish’. — from The on-line Hacker Jargon File V423
(While all the above is mostly true, it lacks complete information… In 1966, I, gigoid, first wrote down, in one of my first journals, my Theory of Bozoid Tendencies, a psychological/philosophical treatise that gave some of the thoughts behind the assertions made in the Theory, and which can be seen as a prelude to Peruaosophy, the Philosophy of Pearls, which came to me ten or twelve years later, after more observation of humans, more cogitation about their behaviors, and repeated analysis thereof…..
The theory basically states, “Every human has an innate knowledge of, and ability to, garner the complete attention of other people by the commission of a really stupid (or, “bozoid”) act, in a public venue, and, in fact, tend to CHOOSE to do so on a regular basis.” This, of course, was based on my observations of humanity up to that time, and colored by the odd assortment of literature I had consumed…. but, it works, and has been clinically proven… In addition, the term “bozoid” was more commonly known and used, than were “bozotic”, or “bozoish”, West of the Mississippi River, especially in Northern California, around UC Berkeley (“Berzerkeley…), since the early 1970’s…..)
(“It irks me when people use the character’s name in a demeaning way.” — Larry Harmon, AKA ‘Bozo the Clown’ — after his stage name was used for political purposes by Bob Dole, 1996)
Okay, it seems this pearl has jumped the tracks, and won’t be coming back toward reality anytime soon, so I’ll have to apply emergency technique number twenty-nine, which simply involves denial of current reality in favor of the one we now will enter, just as if we meant to be here, now….
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So, I’m bored, but, SB can usually help…. Here is a pearl, whose parameters are…. well, your guess is as good as mine, right? Right…. Don’t worry, they’re all tax-deductible….
“Shall I show you the muscular training of a philosopher? “What muscles are those?”–A will undisappointed; evils avoided; powers daily exercised; careful resolutions; unerring decisions.” — Epictetus (c. 60 AD) — Wherein consists the Essence of Good, — Discourses, Book ii, Chap. viii
“Reality is only as the mind perceives it, where yesterday will never arrive and tomorrow has long since gone.” — Smart Bee
The act of defending any of the cardinal virtues has today all the exhilaration of a vice.” — G. K. Chesterton, A Defense of Humilities, The Defendant, 1901
“In the midst of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” — Albert Camus
“If This Is Hell – Where Are the Lawyers???” — Smart Bee
“Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.” — Jerry Garcia (1942-1995), Musician, the Grateful Dead — Rolling Stone magazine, (November 30, 1989)
Dharma: “What is the greatest mystery of all?”
Yudishthira: “That each day, death walks the earth, and we continue to live as though we were immortal.”
— The Bhagavad Gita
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My goodness, but that was an ordeal!…. I had no idea when I got up what an epic effort I’d be making this morning. I’ll be right back, after I see what sort of damage I’ve done…..
Incalculable, in current market conditions…. which proves, at last, I am certifiable. Nonetheless, it’s done, and I’m still upright, so, we’ll call it a win, thus giving denial of reality one more score…. Until next time….
Y’all take care out there,
and May the Metaphorse be with you;
Blessed Be, dearest Carole, Mark, and Theresa…
and everyone else, too…
When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.
Which is Why….
Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.
gigoid
gigoid 