I often speak of sexual torture – but rarely do I say what or why it is so bad. This post is written from the place of depression, swallowed rage, of what it was to prostituted and live inside the banal normality of torture.

I write to the place where it was no longer rape, no longer battery, no longer bad language – it was just our routine.

That is when rape, battery and mental abuse is made torture – when it done so often by so many men and ignore by the majority of outsiders that it becomes just the role that the prostituted must perform.

Torture is excused by saying this prostituted class are needed to prevent real sexual violence being done to real women and girls.

Torture is made invisible by saying and believing that the prostituted class enjoy and choose their lifestyle.

Torture is not allowed to…

The more I grow away from the individual parts of my past – the more I have found I need to fight for and feel the need for separatism for exited women.

I am a feminist – an anarchic or radical feminist – but the more I write and speak out, the more I prefer the label of saying I am radical exited woman first and foremost in all my work.

I state that because I need to criticise all who have stereotypical views of the prostituted, who prevent or restrain our access to speaking in our words.

This means it should be allowed that we should criticise our allies – we do it from love, and the desire to make real change.

A real bugbear is the concept that male violence is a continuum – this is true on a superficial levels, but there is also vast differences between the motivations…

I have many memories of punters and sex trade profiteers who I wish I could just kill.

I am not a violent person – but coming away from the coldness of the sex trade has fill my mind with too many violent thoughts – or what other may class as fantasies.

I was fed into a machine-world where violence was my norm, where numbing out fear and pain was my norm.

I was fed into that machine-world until I was more than disassociated, more than dead from hope – until I spoke the language of my oppressors and became their living porn-doll.

I was alive – but had no will that was not their property.

I was alive – but pain was foreign to me.

I was alive – but saw and knew it was violence through a haze of not wanting to know.

I was made into an ideal…

How do I find words for the depths off my grief? How do I express all that was stolen from?

In this post, I speak to that, I speak not for me but for so many exited women who grief is so deep, they cannot remember how to cry.

I shall try to write to the huge gaps and silences that we carry with us.

We may be silent, we may be living in a world of silence – but we are not passive, we have not forgotten, we are not destroyed.

Our silence is because words cannot fit fully our memories, our pain and certainly not our deep grief. All I say is sketches of what it was that we make wordless.

A huge part of our grief is we live in an environment where women and girls disappeared. They vanish into a horrible silence.

The evil of the…

This was spoken at a Rad Fem conference this year.

It is a great honour to be speaking here as an exited woman.

I wish to speak of the use of language,  and how it can keep the prostituted class as sub-humans.

It is the use of language that only sees it as “real” , when the violence that is the norm for prostituted women and girls is viewed and create outrage when it effects non-prostituted women and girls.

It is the language that speaks of the porn world and the real world.

It is the language that imagines that torture porn is new, when it has been inside the bodies and minds of  the prostituted class for at least 3000 years.

Trauma is a constant shadow for exited women. We have learnt to adapt by acting in control. We keep our focus on building the road to abolition.

Extreme mental, physical and…

I believe that the destruction of the prostituted class is the most important human rights of our times, and to be frank, it is the most important issue of stripping of human rights of most periods in history.

It is made invisible because it mainly done to women and girls – and in most cultures, most periods of history and most countries, women and girls are not classed as fully human, and therefore have no access to human rights.

It is made invisible because all the violence, degradation and hate done to the prostituted is re-branded as entertainment, as work, as being high-class sex, as therapy. If it not named as prostitution or hard-core porn, there can no violence, degradation and hate.

It is made invisible as the prostituted are murdered, sadistically raped and mentally abused by replacing the goods if a woman or dies or cannot cope any more.

If…