Approximately a half-hour before the moonrise was calculated to take place, I grabbed my phone, my stick, and the bagged garbage & recycling, to take it outside, downstairs, to the bins, which, I would then take out to the curb, for pick-up the next morning. Since I was still in quite a bit of pain, with some stiffness, too, it took me a few minutes, as I was moving, and, apparently, thinking slowly….

When done, I walked back up the stairs, with some difficulty, only to find the back door had blown itself shut in the breeze, while still locked…. Naturally, I didn’t have my keys on me, so, there I was, outside, no key, tired, in pain, and about two minutes away from A) biting myself, or, preferably, and, much more likely, the nearest human being I could find, and/or B) requiring the immediate use of articles only to be found indoors…. No, not what you’re thinking, but, well, ’nuff said… I had reasons to need to get in long before anyone would be able to bring m the means to do so….

Needless to say, I was NOT happy, first, with my bozoid failure to unlock the door, the first time I opened it that morning, as I almost ALWAYS do; nor was I happy with my bozoid failure to realize it would blow shut while outside, even though I am the one who opened the other door, the windows, & turned on the fan, so the very breeze that shut the door would be blowing, to cool off the house….  In short, my own bozoid nature gave Murphy the perfect opportunity to BURY ME in stress, in the course of a few short moments, a window of time into which I strode boldly, with full confidence that everything was fine…. the frame of mind that bloody Irish asshole LOOKS for…. I imagine he had a hard time containing his glee when he saw me go outside….

Since I had only moments to figure out how to get back inside, (remember, I had very GOOD reasons to HAVE to get in….), I tried to call one of the handymen my landlord employs, whereupon, of course, I found one out to dinner, and the other not answering… So, I made the only decision my executive nature was capable of under that sort of stress, proceeding to use my multi-purpose stick to break in the damn window on the back door, thus creating a HUGE FUCKING MESS inside my house, ten feet out into the middle of the kitchen floor, now COVERED with tiny pieces of breakaway glass, thus, necessitating a complete cleaning of the kitchen, and laundry room, which is where the back door is situated….

So, yesterday morning, (or, today, as I write this…. remember, I have a Tardis….), as well as overnight, I was completely unable to use about a quarter of my house, as it was covered in glass I had no way to pick up…. I have to wait until I can ask someone to come over, bring a real broom, (which has somehow disappeared….), and help me clean up, as doing it right is well beyond my current capabilities….

Now, is there anyone out there with any more questions about WHY I hate Murphy, even more so than your average Bozo? I am completely depressed now, because, in one swell foop, he has put me in a hole it will take days to climb out of…. the only thing that is currently serendipitous, as far as I can see, is the fortunate arrival in the bank of my monthly SS allotment. At least I’ll have enough to pay for repairing all the damages incurred in this episode, and, be able to obtain enough cannabinoids to knock down some of the severe pain that has been haunting me the last couple of weeks….

Plus, as you see, it provided enough material to complete another introductory section, with the ease of long habit in reporting the machinations of our planet’s least appreciated, most reviled icon, Jester to the Courts of Chaos, The Murphy, Most Puissant Asshole Supreme, He Who Has No Peer, Nor Ever Shall (because no other force of nature will have anyfuckingthing to do with him….)….

Shall we Pearl?…..

“Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!”
“But that trick NEVER works!”
“This time fer sure!”

— Rocky & Bullwinkle, playing verbal ping-pong, with Metaphoric Balls, using Euphemystic Brand paddles, Hand-Crafted with ONLY the finest of Time Tested Cliches….

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“Aim at the sun, any you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself.” — Joel Hawes

“Beginnings are such delicate times.” — Princess Irulan, from Dune, by Frank Herbert

Of late, the posts here at ECR have been, shall we say, epic in proportion. I know I talk a lot; a certain percentage of responsibility for that can be laid at the feet of my writing style. Spare, it is not…. (Though that sentence isn’t bad, in that respect…. but, you’ll note this parenthetical comment has added approximately 15-20 extra words. See how that works?….) SIGH….

‘Tis a conundrum, for much of my sense of humor requires the long build-up to the punch line so easily displayed by using the more formal approach I’ve chosen; I guess I’ve always loved a long, involved story that ends with a pun, or something so unexpected, the usual reaction is multiplied by the surprise factor….. (Now that I’ve pointed it out, the convoluted grammatical structure of my style seems to be part of the issue; a sentence such as the one previous to this could have been written in half the words…. See? It’s almost as if I can’t help it; it’s a sickness, I guess… Verbalitis maximus, or some such Latin perversion….)

Once, on a bus trip in high school, one of the other students told a story to the entire bus… He took about 30 or more minutes to tell the entire story, giving background, and describing the characters, dragging it out with repetitive actions by the characters that lent themselves to long, drawn out dialogue, and slow speech…. At the end of the 30 minutes, when the story wound around toward a resolution, the question being asked by the protagonist, which is the quest in the story, to find out WHY this person did something, is about to be answered… The entire bus was hanging on this student’s every word; even the driver was engrossed. At the crucial point, the father asks his son, who is dying, the question, “WHY, my son? Why did you…..?” The dying young man, struggling to speak, chokes out, “Dad, I did it because….”

Then he died…. The student telling the story, at the word, “because”, dropped his head, shut his eyes, and fell over, as if dead….

For about15 seconds, there wasn’t a word, not a sound, as everyone on the bus sat in complete shock…. Then, the entire bus erupted, with shouts of anger, groans of dismay (the loudest and largest number of responses were the groans….), and some actual animated growls directed at him, right before half the objects on the bus started flying in his general direction, as each victim grabbed the first item at hand & let fly, intending serious harm….

I’ve never, in my entire life, seen a joke better told, unless by a pro, such as George Carlin, or Bob Newhart, who loved that sort of joke… nor have I ever seen such a loud, universal reaction to a pun, up to this day…. It was, quite simply, the best joke I’ve ever heard, even though it isn’t even a joke, except on the audience listening to it…. Nor, for that matter, is it a particularly GOOD joke; stupidly thick is the best one can say about all the parties in the story…. The value is in the telling, with it a critical factor to have the audience on the edge of their seats at the crucial point in the story….

Y’all are probably wondering where I’m going with this, since I’ve wandered so far afield in my mind…. Easy…. I’m giving y’all a break from the usual sober, involved, ranting that is generally my choice for this section…. I figured out, reading my blog isn’t easy…. it takes time, involves no little amount of cogitation, (a habit many Americans don’t possess), all of which probably asks more of the reader than I am entitled to ask in a blog…. Most blogs out there are much shorter, in terms of content, unless they post less often…. But, not ME, no sirree, Bob, I must write and post about 2000- 4000 words EVERY DAMN DAY….. I suppose I’ve come to realize it may be a bit much to ask of ffolkes, even those who enjoy my writing…

So, this little personal reminiscence is to let y’all know, I will be attempting, to some degree at least, to shorten the Pearls of Virtual Wisdom, to make them a little more palatable, and easy to swallow…. Perhaps, this will bring a bit more traffic to the site, because, even though I don’t write for the purpose of increasing my readership, as much as I do to stay sane, to try to hold off the mental calcification that may tend to settle in with us as we get older, decreasing our awareness, our cognitive abilities, and, ultimately, shortening our lives, by removing the pleasure of using our minds the way they were designed to be used…. which is hard, and often….

So, here is a single pearl, hopefully as cogent as I can make it, to seal the deal…. I can’t promise to succeed at this, but, I’ll promise to try, so, hopefully, you’ll see some less bulky Pearls, and a bit more dialogue in the comments, from increased traffic…. If nothing else, I’ll know I’ve lived up to the following aphorism, from one of history’s most prolific, and most accurately insightful moralists… Even if I don’t succeed, this tells me it’s the right thing to do….

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” — Aesop (620-560 B.C.)

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Today I will, once more, assume the ethical stance, to include a poem of mine in this section; you already know why…. This way, nobody else can catch any of the grief or blame for any of today’s missive…. Which, in at least one respect, makes it safer for me, as well; no fear of litigation is necessary…. Here is one written this year, in February, that fits in perfectly with the discussion in section one…..

In order to assuage my own needs and desires, as well as to subdue, or at minimum, sublimate my urge to rant, today’s section three will assume its typical format, of an old-school pearl, but, with specific parameters, set to find ideas, quotes, and/or poems to show our disdain for the Asininnies, and our anger at the shadowy corporate slavers who have held society in thrall for our entire written history….

“Search men’s governing principles, and consider the wise, what they shun and what they cleave to.” — Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121-180 AD) — Meditations, iv, 38

“Boldness is a mask for fear, however great.” — Lucan

“It is hard to let old beliefs go.  They are familiar.  We are comfortable with them and have spent years building systems and developing habits that depend on them.  Like a man who has worn eyeglasses so long that he forgets he has them on, we forget that the world looks to us the way it does because we have become used to seeing it that way through a particular set of lenses.  Today, however, we need new lenses.  And we need to throw the old ones away.” — Kenich Ohmae, The Borderless World

“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.” — Fran Lebowitz

(The above, on food, should be tattooed on the forehead of every one of the 455 men & women in Congress, the White House, and sitting on the SCOTUS; it’s something they tend to ignore, or forget, especially when forced to think about the ‘little people’….)

“People come o Washington believing it is the center of power. I know I did.  It was only much later that I learned that Washington is a steering wheel that’s not connected to an engine.” — Richard Goodwin

“Our virtues are most frequently but vices disguised.” — Francis, Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) — Maxims, Head

“And what is a good citizen?  Simply one who never says, does or thinks anything that is unusual.  Schools are maintained in order to bring this uniformity up to the highest possible point.  A school is a hopper into which children are heaved while they are still young and tender; therein they are pressed into certain standard shapes and covered from head to heels with official rubber-stamps.” — H.L. Mencken

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Well, there you go…. a reasonably fresh Pearl of Virtual Wisdom, (Required disclaimer: These are ‘virtual’ wisdom; any attempt to use them as real wisdom is the responsibility of the Gentle Reader; the author takes no part in that, for damn good reason….) with only the intro section written prior to this morning’s effort, and it needed to be edited, so, it’s all pretty up-to-date…. Not that freshness will make it taste better, but, hey, with Pearls, you never know…. time improves some of them, others are gems from the start, and, sadly, some cannot be saved by any power known to Mankind…. so be it.   gigoid has spoken….