Salubrious greetings included in every box….

Early up means early bed, usually, but, only time will tell, as those incipient grammar nazis down at Cliches R Us always say….. They hate me there…. not because I never buy, but because I’m forever browsing their old merchandise, the classic stuff they keep in the basement, trying to memorize as many as I can remember until I get home….. All the best authors plagiarize. didn’t you know? If not the words, the very ideas are fair game, to an author….. Well, so they say down at the pub, anyway, where all the authors hang out between their bouts of writing, and trying to sell some poor fool what they write…. But, they’ll say ANYTHING, pretty much, if you buy them a beer…..

All the above is just so much BS, of course…. It’s getting to the point around here that you can pretty much count on the first paragraph here to be sheer nonsense, or fantasy, at least in any terms of any part of it being based on, or even connected to, Reality. I really don’t seem to have much use for Reality, not when I’m composing, anyway; it just complicates matters, and demands not only accuracy, but truth, and what author can handle writing with those two qualities simultaneously? Not many, I assure you…..

Belay that noise…. shut that fan down, too, and gather together over there, in that corner of reality for the moment, while I deal with this enraged oatmeal….. Okay, so it wasn’t enraged, only giggling, but, hey, how is an amateur cereal killer supposed to know the difference? It’s not like I see oatmeal in an enraged state on a daily basis; it usually just sits in the bowl, rather mundane and boring, if you ask me…. Maybe it was trying out for an acting part? Who knows, and more importantly, who cares? Not me, not in the slightest….

But, then, that may have something to do with the fact that I have not a single clue as to what the HELL I’m talking about now; this has gone completely off the rails, and I have no idea where it’s going, or where we might end up…. I don’t think I WANT to know, either…. I’d be lying if I said I did, anyway, so, it’s best not to speculate without data. And, how can one obtain any data, when one has no interest in doing so? Or in even talking about it? Hell, I’d give almost anything right now, just for some idea of what this is all about, if anything….

But, I’m doomed to disappointment, it seems…. that’s five paragraphs, each more confusing and worthless than the one before, and that, my friends, is enough to call an intro, at least, it is around here…. We’ve lowered our standards quite a bit, you know…. Had to after losing so much in that counter suit over the false pregnancy…. I just can’t seem to find a decent lawyer, which, I suppose would be an oxymoron, anyway….. I know I only know one of that ilk, and he’s no longer a lawyer by trade….

Having completed the minimum allowable number of paragraphs, I’m going to cheat, almost as badly as I plagiarize, and call this a done deal…. I’ve done worse, I know, though I can’t seem to recall when…. I think, as an author, I’m required to say so, even if it isn’t true…. But, you know me, if it’s true, I’ll blurt it out…. Any who, I don’t think I can be any more confused or intimidated, so I’d best get on with today’s dive, before I do something to crack my mask…. Shall we Pearl?…..

In the interests of fair play, and proper health maintenance, I will be cutting down a bit on ranting. I have no shortage of outrage to give impetus to such discussion, but will have to find another outlet for a time, as ranting seems to be evolving a bit, but, into what form I haven’t a clue. All I know at this point is that the urge to pick away at the underpinnings of the BRC and the priestly hierarchies, while still present, doesn’t currently offer the usual degree of satisfaction, and since I am a hedonist at heart, as are we all, I’ll look for other methods of satisfying the urge than taking shots at specific targets… I’ll stick to more general subject matter….

All of which makes no difference at all to this pearl. It put itself together in just about twenty clicks of the mouse, meaning Smart Bee has been saving them up to give me at one sitting…. Hence, here is a five star pearl, with a fairly obvious bent, and a perfect closer to drive home the point….. which comes, of course, from our own Smart Bee…. Enjoy!….

He who searches for truth must not appease his urge by giving himself up to the narcotic of belief.” — Hans Reichenbach, quoted in _ The Philosophy of Matter in the Atomic Age_

“We do not believe in immortality because we can prove it, but we try to prove it because we cannot help believing it.” — Harriet Martineau

Behold the child, by Nature’s kindly law,
Pleased with a rattle, tickled with a straw;
Some livelier plaything gives his youth delight,
A little louder, but as empty quite;
Scarfs, garters, gold, amuse his riper stage,
And beads and prayer-books are the toys of age.
Pleased with this bauble still, as that before,
Till tired he sleeps, and life’s poor play is o’er.

— Alexander Pope (1688-1744)– Essay on Man, Epistle ii, Line 274

“At twenty, a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he’s seventy, he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.” — Clarence Darrow

“I would like to buy a fish license, please.” — Smart Bee

Does it get any better than that? Nope…..

It’s been a while since I remembered how much I like the poetry of Walt Whitman…. and it’s always such a nice surprise when I do….

A child said, What is the grass?

A child said, What is the grass? fetching it to me with full
How could I answer the child?. . . .I do not know what it
is any more than he.

I guess it must be the flag of my disposition, out of hopeful
green stuff woven.

Or I guess it is the handkerchief of the Lord,
A scented gift and remembrance designedly dropped,
Bearing the owner’s name someway in the corners, that we
may see and remark, and say Whose?

Or I guess the grass is itself a child. . . .the produced babe
of the vegetation.

Or I guess it is a uniform hieroglyphic,
And it means, Sprouting alike in broad zones and narrow
Growing among black folks as among white,
Kanuck, Tuckahoe, Congressman, Cuff, I give them the
same, I receive them the same.

And now it seems to me the beautiful uncut hair of graves.

Tenderly will I use you curling grass,
It may be you transpire from the breasts of young men,
It may be if I had known them I would have loved them;
It may be you are from old people and from women, and
from offspring taken soon out of their mother’s laps,
And here you are the mother’s laps.

This grass is very dark to be from the white heads of old
Darker than the colorless beards of old men,
Dark to come from under the faint red roofs of mouths.

O I perceive after all so many uttering tongues!
And I perceive they do not come from the roofs of mouths
for nothing.

I wish I could translate the hints about the dead young men
and women,
And the hints about old men and mothers, and the offspring
taken soon out of their laps.

What do you think has become of the young and old men?
What do you think has become of the women and

They are alive and well somewhere;
The smallest sprouts show there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait
at the end to arrest it,
And ceased the moment life appeared.

All goes onward and outward. . . .and nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and

~~ Walt Whitman

“How’s the wife?  Is she at home enjoying capitalism?” — Zippy the Pinhead

It’s hard for me to say just how much I appreciate Zippy’s wisdom, or, more accurately, his expressions of what isn’t always obviously wisdom. His creator, Bill Griffith, has provided me, and society at large, with his unique take on reality since the 1960’s, including his first utterance of the perhaps the most telling iconic phrase of the twentieth century, in 1979, when he had Zippy ask, “Are we having fun yet?”

Spending any amount of time with Zippy, attempting to decode his thinly veiled sardonicism, and his even more thinly veiled cynicism regarding modern culture, is an exercise for the mind’s most subtle editors…. It is all brilliant social comedy, poking fun at the most basic of our beliefs, and allowing us to laugh at ourselves, even if it is with confusion and bewilderment at just what, and who, is being made fun of the most…. society, or the reader….

Therefore, in keeping with my new resolve to keep things a bit lighter around here… I give you a Zippy pearl, chock full of his perfectly crafted truffles made up of apparent nonsense, all of which have been dipped in the darkest of ironic chocolate…..

“Those aren’t WINOS–that’s my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST,  my SWORD SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!!” — Zippy the Pinhead

“I’m a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex!” — Zippy the Pinhead

“I’m also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!!” — Zippy the Pinhead

“Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA?” — Zippy the Pinhead

“Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans.  It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity.  But then–we elected them.” — Lily Tomlin

(Whoops! How did that get in there? Oh well, since it’s Lily, it can stay…. )

“In the first place, God made idiots.  That was for practice.  Then he made school boards.” — Mark Twain

(Okay, sorry, Smart Bee is being a smart ass…. Oh well, since it’s Sam, and fits right in with the rest of it…… )

“I’m having BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS about the INSIPID WIVES of smug and wealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS.” — Zippy the Pinhead

Perfect….. and there you have it, a lovely piece of breakfast sausage, metaphorically speaking, of course….

I don’t imagine that any of this will get me arrested…. hell, it may not even get any laughs, though I gave it my best shot, and tried to stay away from anything remotely sober. I suppose not all of these can be gems of the highest quality; somebody has to get a C on the test. I’m just not accustomed to not getting A’s or B’s…. Ah well, old habits die hard, but are well gone…. and I have no idea what I meant by that, so let’s not read too much into it, okay?…..

Having read this over, and still not having a clue as to whether it is any good or not, I’m going to publish it anyway, because, hey, it’s done….. such as it is. Perhaps, in the fullness of time, and the compassionate depths of your heart and mind, you will forgive me….  Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..

Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.