Bugger it…. I’m giving up, sort of…. I’m awake, again, with beau coups energy, safely silly yet potently real subject all picked out, and ample supplies of outrage at hand, all ready to rant…. whereupon I find myself, instead, staring at a blank page, trembling in fear, and wondering how in hell I’m going to pull this one out of the fire. I had a nice, controversial subject all ready to rant on, but, somehow, it broke down about four paragraphs in, and I can’t seem to find my way back to stable enough ground from which to fire my weapons; sarcasm must be accurately aimed, or it is useless…. So, I figure I’ll go start the intro, and what happens? Frozen brain! Stare as I might, nothing pops, and the moment of potentiality stretches into infinity, with me sweating, grunting, pulling my hair, and generally turning into a puddle of angst under my chair….

I had thought I’d outgrown this; it’s been months since I’ve been hampered by this kind of freeze-up, and, needless to say, I’m not happy about it….. I’m so damn frustrated, I’m not sure yet whether to apply an emergency method to get past this, or just have faith, and hope it will straighten itself out (a method of problem solving familiar to any Windows user…) …. Not being terribly adept at that part (having faith without evidence, and hoping for a magic bullet…), I suppose I’ll have to resort to an emergency procedure…. I hate that, as they tend to cause as much damage as they fix, but, if nothing else happens in the next few moments, we’ll find ourselves with no choice in the matter…. There ARE legal standards for safety that must be observed, you know….

Those safety standards are challenged by the procedures that may be employed, however, (that’s why they call them “emergency” procedures….), so, maybe we’ll just wait a few moments here, and see what happens…. I’m going to look away for a couple of seconds, and see what it’s like when I get back, okay?…. Okay….. Hang tight…. ‘Kay, I’m back…. let’s see where we are now….

“Cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing.” — Samuel Johnson

You know, sometimes, I’m just not sure how to take Smart Bee…. Times such as this, it seems as if it is laughing at us, at the very least….. Then, I remember, it’s just a software program….. Theoretically, and experientially, it is not sentient; therefore, it cannot laugh at us…. But, dammit, they’re not here, listening, and feeling the sense of shame that having a damn database make fun of them produces, are they?…. No, they’re not, so they should just shut the hell UP!….

Uh oh, I may have tripped over into emergency procedure #2 accidentally….. That’s the one where I just let my frustration take over, turning me into a cursing, offensive caricature of those folks I am currently trashing, hurling insults and deprecations with both hands, and generally making an ass of myself, in order to offer some contrast to the normally serene atmosphere that is generally in place here at ECR…. It’s all in good fun, though, and it should be remembered that none of what may be said here is acceptable in court, as it is all fictional, technically…. Even when we speak of reality, it should be noted that by doing so, we remove ourselves at least two degrees from that reality, and thus have no real claim on its structure, or direction….

Nor, apparently, do we have any further claim to anything beyond the merely insane…. I’m babbling, aren’t I? It’s a shame, I know, but, it’s my gift, and it must be acknowledged, or problems can develop in the space-time continuum that aren’t amenable to the usual types of repair…. In other words, it’s best if we all just back away slowly now, and let this proceed as it will… Any further attempts at directing today’s process will certainly meet with not just resistance, but outright rebellion, so, ffolkes, do us all a favor, and don’t touch anything until the vehicle comes to a complete stop, and I have turned off the seat belt signs…. Thanks….

“My life is a patio of fun!” — Zippy the Pinhead
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“Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right.” — Laurens Van der Post, The Lost World of the Kalahari (1958)

Can you think of a better description for the idiots in Congress who, thanks to their asinine insistence on having their own way, have stubbornly carried their conviction of rightness right up to the edge of Stupid, pushed it over, then jumped after it?…. I can’t…. These assholes are becoming more than just a little annoying with their undeserved sense of entitlement, and their completely misplaced elitism. In one way, I’m a bit encouraged, because this all seems like a swan song to me…. these fools have so alienated the majority of people in this country, they have sealed their fate, and I think we can consider this little glitch in things to be their last hurrah as a political force….

So far as I can tell from the news I read, the only people who continue to support these fools is themselves…. Nobody else in society is behind them, all the rest of us having become increasingly tired of the rhetoric and fanfare that accompanies all the issues these fools take up as part of their platform…. They have built their entire program on fear, and lies, producing the only result possible, to wit: more fear, and more lies…. We now see the natural result, as more and more mainstream voters recoil in disgust at the intransigence and intolerance these people have displayed. They just don’t seem to have a clue as to how out of touch with reality they are, and it is becoming increasingly obvious to the rest of society just how much their attitudes are causing trouble for all of us….

So, in that way, I am hopeful, that this entire shutdown of the government will be the straw that breaks the back of the Republican Party, and it can go the way of the Whigs, the Tories, and the dodo bird…. into extinction, where it belongs….  Hopefully, it will do so without dragging the rest of us along with them…. Oh, they’ll try; misery loves company…. But, I think, this time, they’re on their own, and they can sink into oblivion all by themselves, thank you very much….

As I just proved above, in the intro section, today’s effort is liable, at any moment, to turn on us, and become somewhat dangerous to handle without the proper equipment…. For example, this rant is now going to completely reverse direction, 180 degrees, and head off into the realm of intellectual stimulation, rather than the emotional stimulation that is the usual target for such pieces….. I’m too strange today to be logical, or organized, so, we’re going to switch horses in mid-stream, and take our shots with an old-school weapon, i.e., strangely apt sarcasm, instead of the relatively new-fangled bludgeon which comprises a proper rant…. So be it….

“I don’t pick on politicians. They ain’t done nothin’.” — Red Skelton

“The reported resort to astrology in the White House has occasioned much merriment.  It is not funny.  Astrological gibberish, which means astrology generally, has no place in a newspaper, let alone government. Unlike comics, which are part of a newspaper’s harmless pleasure and make no truth claims, astrology is a fraud.  The idea that it gets a hearing in government is dismaying.” — George F. Will, Washing Post Writers Group

“The fundamental cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.” — Bertrand Russell

“Why won’t sharks eat lawyers?   Professional courtesy.” — Smart Bee

“You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.” — Aristophanes   c. 450-385 BC, Knights [424 BC] l. 217

“The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe.  But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he’s  completely draped in it. Then he’ll stand up and go, “Hey, I’m Vine Man.” — Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey

(Remind y’all of anyone? Someone in a blue suit, ruthlessly knotted red tie, with a cross for a tie-pin, a flag pin on the lapel, and a dumb expression?…. Oh come on, ffolkes… This little description could apply to ANY of the Tea Party Retardicans in the House of Representatives, and y’all know it…. Hell, I’ve heard Paul Ryan claim common ancestry with Vine Man, in more than one of his speeches…. )

“The art of leadership. . . consists in consolidating the attention of the people against a single adversary and taking care that nothing will split up that attention. . . .” — Adolf Hitler, “Mein Kampf”

(Keeping the attention of the public on the manufactured enemy is essential, because then they will not be looking at the true enemy, the leaders….)

“Any statistic that can be found which is interesting can be credited to the fact that this particular statistic is a mistake. If it is not a mistake, it is a misprint, and if it is not a misprint, it is unlawful release of classified information.” — Policy & Procedure Manual, National Security Administration, US Department of Shady Ethical Rationalizations

Just in case you hadn’t heard…. Monday, when the US government shut down, the NSA proudly, and perkily, announced that this week is National Cyber Security Awareness Week! (It’s true! I didn’t make it up….) Thought you might want to know….
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After such a beginning, and such a weird first section, I need something that can only be described as wonderful…. This works…. Powerful, there’s another word that works…

It’s been a strange morning, but, then, I have to go to the dentist later, and that always weirds me out, trying NOT to think about it…. In fact, I’m so weirded out about it today, I’m going to go with a completely random pearl, picked entirely at the whim of Smart Bee, just because I have no further mental energy, of a focused nature, to spare for it…. Hope it works out okay…. remember to hold your breath until the oxygenating drugs start to work…. Last time, we had to stop the bus, and proceed directly to the emergency exits….

“If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.” — Bix Bender

“There exists in the human heart a depraved taste for equality, which impels the weak to attempt to lower the powerful to their own level, and reduces men to prefer equality in slavery to inequality with freedom.”  — Tocqueville, Alexis de (1805-1859)

“It is loneliness that makes the loudest noise. This is true of men as of dogs.” — Eric Hoffer

“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here we should dance.” — Smart Bee

“Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play.” — Heraclitus

“I’m a solipsist and, I have to say, I’m surprised there aren’t more of us.” — from a letter to Bertrand Russell

“The old proverb was now made good, “the mountain had brought forth a mouse.” — Plutarch (46-120 AD) — Life of Agesilaus II
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On at least two occasions this morning, the effort to complete this process has nearly resulted in the use of emergency procedures, and that trend, I see, continued right up to the very last entry in section three, just above…. But, the necessity for such drastic action was mitigated at the very last second, by a final find in Smart Bee that put the entire piece into perspective…. That quote was placed where it belongs, in section one, and the whole shebang fell into balance… but, you’re no doubt severely disinterested in my occasionally elusive, but ever so-sincere gestalt. Suffice to say, it’s done…. On that note, I’ll bid thee adieu….

Y’all take care out there,
and May the Metaphorse be with you;
Blessed Be, dearest  Carole, Mark, and Theresa…
and everyone else, too…

When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.