In defiance of common sense, he spat….

Ffolkes,
How interesting….. I have just noted that, in my case at least, the amount of will power needed to keep from committing murder is about equal to that which will suffice to oh, say, move a mountain. Of course, my case is special….. if only because it is mine. If you can believe that, I’ve got some wonderful property for sale, in a bridge…..

Actually, since being warned by a fellow blogger re: watching what I say, due to the police state we live in, a state disguised as a democracy, I should probably amend my stated desire to murder to one of unspecified vengeful acts. He’s even more paranoid than am I…. wonderful stuff on conspiracies over on his site, much of which is true…. and he tells me to be careful…..

I love the world of blogging….and that is not being facetious, it is sincere. To tell me to be careful, when he posts material that makes my occasional rants seem like a treat of ice cream, is the mark of a true brother of the revolution of the mind. Given the recent events back east, the school shooting, I expect there to now be another period of cacophony in support of gun control, and I can see why he might be concerned.

The beloved ruling class would like nothing better than to gut the power of the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution, as it is what they want in the first place. They have never liked having arms in the hands of common citizens, and have been making sustained efforts to get rid of that amendment since the day after it passed into law. Sometimes  I suspect them of staging these shootings themselves, in order to frighten the public, and stampede them into voting against gun rights while they are still afraid. But then I remember it isn’t necessary; there are enough crazies out there, and if one waits, one of them will snap, and start shooting innocents…. I wouldn’t, however, put it past them; they’re fairly unscrupulous, all in all.

Well, it’s kind of strange, even for me, to rant in the intro section, and I’m not sure how I got started…. Oh, yes, the feds…. Well, we’ll let that matter drop for the time being, as I need to stir the pot today, so to speak, and should wait for the results of that before I start picking out potential targets. I think today, my own lawyer is going to receive a piece of my mind, as I have some significant questions re: their actions in the past few weeks of my ordeal of infinite patience. I’m hoping my eloquence is at its peak, as I’m pretty upset with the whole issue, and their job is NOT to make it more difficult for me…..

Gosh, I’m a bit more upset than I knew…. I’m trying to bring this to a close, and keep finding new things to say to vent. I would say, even though I’m up very early, I should get started on the diving portion of the program, and find something else to write about…. this one is going to turn sour on me, relatively soon, I can tell. On that note of uncertainty, and of gravid possibility, Shall we Pearl?…..

“I’m meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my PERSONAL SPACE!!” — Zippy the Pinhead
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“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.  With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) Essays: First Series (1841) “Self-Reliance”

This is a particularly comforting quote right now. I had intended to write about this from a different direction, but just before I began, I dealt with a phone call that, though successful in its purported task, left me in tears, due to a stealth stimulation of my PTSD (it happens…. visualize a shrug….). After the call ended, I composed myself, and looked up to find this statement, and was struck at how fate can work sometimes…..

I HATE this tears and angst crap that keeps embarrassing me whenever my emotions get stirred up. Just because I have to give up on Christmas again this year is no reason for me to get all weepy; my life is limited enough in scope that I only have my children, and a grandchild, to think about at this time of year; my own siblings and I haven’t shared Xmas for decades, since we all lived too far apart, mostly. My kids are grown, and know how my financial situation is, and my grandchild is two, and barely knows I exist, so it isn’t a lot of family time and sharing to do, not like when the family was still together. But, the mere fact of it, of not being able to participate in the season, is both disheartening, and to some extent, demeaning, and when I am reminded of that fact, it produces the unwanted waterworks….

So, it is comforting to remember, or be reminded, that such states are transitory; I won’t always be so vulnerable, and I won’t always have to adjust my life to living well below the comfort zone, in a monetary respect. Money cannot buy happiness, but lack of it is certainly connected to unhappiness, by all evidence, and I’ll be happy when my own finances have been straightened out…. I mean, it’s not as if I’m asking for society to give me anything I haven’t earned; I’ve been pouring money into SS since I got a card, with my first input into my account taking place sometime in the 1950’s, or by 1963, for sure, for that is when I started working during the school summer months, hoeing weeds in the sugar beet fields near where I lived as a boy. Even if we go from there, that is 49 years of input, i.e., my money, set aside for this purpose, and all I want is to now get it back to me, when I need it….. as intended…..

The worst part of all of this, I think, is how it makes me feel to have to continue to wait. Not because of the waiting itself; in my time, I think I’ve learned quite a bit about patience. No, it is because of the irrational feeling of abandonment, or disillusionment, that eats away at my self-esteem, and makes me feel like I’m less of a person. I have a pretty healthy ego, as y’all may have noted, but I have to say, that ego is damn tired of feeling like something less than a “great soul”…. which is why I am comforted at Ralph’s reassurance about consistency, a characteristic currently absent from my head, and my life……

“Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you’ll be able to see farther.” — Thomas Carlyle
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‘In the wave-strike over unquiet stones’

In the wave-strike over unquiet stones
the brightness bursts and bears the rose
and the ring of water contracts to a cluster
to one drop of azure brine that falls.
O magnolia radiance breaking in spume,
magnetic voyager whose death flowers
and returns, eternal, to being and nothingness:
shattered brine, dazzling leap of the ocean.
Merged, you and I, my love, seal the silence
while the sea destroys its continual forms,
collapses its turrets of wildness and whiteness,
because in the weft of those unseen garments
of headlong water, and perpetual sand,
we bear the sole, relentless tenderness.

Pablo Neruda
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Once again, the malaise that has dogged me for weeks now is rearing its ugly head, and my mind’s ability to concentrate scatters to the four winds…. Fortunately for me, I have a default position to fall back on, so the consistency I worry so much about will be maintained. Or, if not consistency, at least continuity is assured. Since the malaise I feel is arguably age-related, these comments on Time seemed to assume rather more importance than is probably their due…. nonetheless, together, they make a compelling statement, or, at minimum, a cogent one……

“Time does not relinquish its rights, either over human beings or over mountains.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

EFFECT, n.  The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order.  The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other — which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in the pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of a dog. — Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil’s Dictionary”

“Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.” — Earl Nightingale

“Tomorrow never comes! It’s all the same fuckin’ day, man!” — Janis Joplin

“Only the imagination is real; I have declared it time without end.” — William Carlos Williams

“If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?” — Smart Bee

Okay, sorry, it got away from me there at the end….. just use the last one as either counterpoint ballast, or as dessert. It won’t take away from the overall ambiance of the meal that way….   🙂
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I am uncertain about this one…. I suppose it is no odder than many of its brethren, and the uncertainty I feel may be connected to my own state of mind, more than it is to what I’ve written, which, all in all, isn’t too bad. Perhaps a bit revealing on a personal level, but, that’s what happens when one writes for personal reasons, or from an agenda that doesn’t always match the public’s perceptions.

I write to stay sane, quite simply; if I didn’t have this outlet, I would surely have snapped by now, and would no doubt be living to regret my thus-far imaginary acts of retribution and release. So, in that sense, I suppose, society may give thanks, and y’all may give a sigh of relief, because, once again, I’m done…. until tomorrow…..  Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..


Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.

gigoid

Kowabunga!

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