Age before beauty, beauty before fish sauce….

In the beginning, there was fish sauce…. and not much else. Of course, this was because things were still new and confusing, and no one had even thought about ice cream, or margaritas. But, the weather was good, so it was okay with most everybody…… people didn’t used to be so greedy. Then, of course, came the rules, first set up by a preacher, and things have gone downhill ever since…..

Life got really hard once there were rules, because, hey, no more fish sauce at bedtime, and folks have been playing the blues ever since that fateful day. We’d probably all rather have the fish sauce, but the blues are a pretty good trade-off, when you stop to think about it. And nobody pays any attention any more to the preachers, so things will get better, unless we start that old politics thing again. Boy, every time we try that crap, somebody’s got to get all elitist and big-mouth, dissing everybody else and hogging all the money, which we need for ice cream and guitar picks….. I hate when that happens….

So, rather than fall prey to the depredations of rogue politicos, or assholes, as we call them downtown, I think we should go diving in the web for pearls, & see if we can find some really shiny ones…. Toothsome, over at adollyisciousirony, also known as All About Lemon, her blog site, has started another game, a story game, and today’s first section will talk about that…. Shall we Pearl?…..

One of my absolute favorite blog sites is called All About Lemon, aka adollyisciousirony, or Toothsome’s Place…. Dolly posts the most amazing stuff, and is always starting a new game for bloggers to play along…. Now we have the Story Game…. Dolly gives the first five words of a story, then the next blogger writes five more, then another blogger writes five more words, and so on to the end of the story that develops, with each blogger tagging one of their blogging friends or followers to provide the next five words, AND, with each blogger providing a link to the original post, to the tagger’s post, and to their site, where they’ve listed their five words…. Once the words are written, that blogger then tags another blogger to give five more words, and so on… So, the original story line started here, …….    …….  

with these five words from Dolly…”Once upon a Toothsome Day,”……

then, Illustrious Illustrator Mark Armstrong added, “a truck full of donuts” at his site, here:

So, now we have, “Once upon a Toothsome Day, a truck full of donuts…”

Linda Vernon, the next taggee, added these words, …..  “pulled up at Al’s house…”

as listed on Linda’s post at:   

Linda, to my surprise, tagged me follow her, so…… here is my response, with five more words of brilliance, of course….. The story now reads…..

“Once upon a Toothsome Day, a truck pulled up at Al’s house….”

My contribution is: “leaking glazed all-bran crullers”…..  So, the story now goes like this….

“Once upon a Toothsome Day, a truck pulled up at Al’s house, leaking glazed all bran crullers…..”

Now, it becomes the turn of the person who I am tagging, and that person is:  WillowDot21, from her site here:  

Good Luck Willow!

Keep an eye on Dolly’s site to see the eventual finished product of our fooling about……

Denial of Comfort

Baleful chairs become the enemy, heralded in red
seemingly welcome softness beckons with a smile,
waiting, content with slaughter, they are finally led
screaming in agony, deluged in venom all the while.

Desperate distraction becomes such a friendless fire
for all the patterns of autumn’s pale dismay,
leaving sincerely latent trails in spirals of twisted wire,
while memory insists upon failure, palpably evil, and fey.

Fat, jaded tears would have fallen in good time,
if only the suitable suitor had scaled the garden’s wall.
Credence for discounted prices luckily in their prime
bring only fascinated eyes into such a hallowed hall.

Searching for answers is ever a clever portrayal
with studious accouterments to fulfill each common rule.
Arguably patient pictures of science and honest betrayal
shall evermore languish, in light of passion so elegantly cruel.

~~ gigoid

Ouch, that hurt…..

“I was reading the dictionary.  I thought it was a poem about everything.” — Steven Wright

Where else can you find intellectual games, with no pressure to win, that allow you to pick your own conclusions, other than right here, exploring consensual reality with me? Nowhere, that’s where…. So, here is another old-fashioned pearl for your perusal, with the conclusion right there in plain sight, for anyone to see…. it’s Hobson’s choice, all over again….

Politics is what happens to democracy when not enough people care. — Anonymous, Thursday, 1992

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from  Heaven.  As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, “A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created.”
“This is true,” He replied.
“He will need laws,” said the Demon slyly.
“What!   You, his appointed Enemy for all Time!  You ask for the right to make his laws?”
“Oh, no!”  Satan replied, “I ask only that he be allowed to make his own.”
It was so granted.

— Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

“It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill  in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.” — Voltaire

“A man that expects to train lobsters to fly in a year is called a lunatic and is locked up. But a man that thinks people can be turned into angels by legislation is called a reformer and allowed to walk free.” — Mr. Dooly

Sometimes, it’s just too easy….. but, somebody’s got to do it…..   🙂

Well, that was a thoroughly enjoyable Pearl to make, other than the poem, which hurt like hell getting it out. But, better out than in, as I always say….. And, it’s cost effective, too! The overhead is really low on that stuff….. but, I know you’re not interested in the economics of writing a blog, any more than I am, so we’ll just forget all that, and bid thee adieu for another day…..  Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..

Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.





If the Sweet Bird sings late, Fate lives….

Dark events are wont to take place under indifferent moons, which is why I make it a policy never to be out at the same time as a moon. This can be a tough policy to follow on a planet with six moons…. which is why I found myself in a meadow surrounded by tall oaks and madrone imported from legendary Earth, leaves shining in the pearly light, four miles from town in the dead of night, shivering under three of those bloody fake planets masquerading as moons, and watching morosely as a platoon of dark-clad Stank warriors silently filed into the clearing, laser-spears gleaming, to join the rest of us idiots. I could see, already, this was not going to be one of my nights, and I was seriously regretting my weakness in agreeing to join this mad party…..

Well, enough of that…. whoever that was, it doesn’t look like he’ll be having much fun for the next unknown period, so we’ll just leave him to his own devices, and get on with this morning’s real business, the fine art of hunting the creative urge, to trap, hopefully not to kill. T’is a wicked shy beastie, is creativity, and fond of leading me on long, winding chases in the dim morning light. It knows full well that I don’t sleep well, or deeply, and delights in taking advantage of the poor old fat guy who can no longer run very fast….. but, I’m getting smarter in my dotage, so to speak, and have learned to carry some of its favorite food, flattery cakes, which, given the chance, I can use to lure it close enough to use my magic lasso (the one I got from Wonder Woman, that time I loaned her a safety pin to keep her from having a wardrobe malfunction, just as she was getting ready to kick ass on the Penguin…..)  SIGH…. it makes for an interesting morning, but I kind of miss commuting…. NOT!

Having thus fulfilled the government-controlled and regulated daily quota of BS (who else would be in charge of it?), we will now Pearl……

All we are saying.. is Give Peas a Chance.

This is the bumper sticker I put on my six year old Chivvy Mule…. it complements the one on my Old Bike, that says, “Visualize Whirled Peas”. Both were designed and distributed for sale by the Whirled Peas Institute, a division of the Peas Porridge Hot Corporation, makers of fine cliches and elegant bumper accessories for the entire coven. With their ages-old motto, “Pining for Peas!”, which adorns the dignified Giant Pea Pod atop the whirled-famous Peas HQ in downtown Beirut, shining out of the 75 foot high testament to good taste with cheerful hope, this beloved company stands as an example of the power of Hope, and the profit margins to be made from its devotees among the ignorant masses….

This advertisement is brought to you courtesy of a grant by the Lizzie/Ginger Corp., with supporting funds from Linda Vernon, Inc., that fine old international firm dedicated to bringing humor and insanity to those who need it most. Normally, (if that term can be applied to ANYTHING they do….) they don’t give grants, but this one also serves as a bribe, for advancing their claims as Heiresses of World Domination in the Whirled courts….. a project they have set their sights on for some time now…. encouraged shamelessly by both El Guapo and yours truly, (from whom they will inherit, if they’ll just hold their damn horses…..), using mainly under-funded household accounts sadly neglected by their long-suffering spousal units. Provided all of us can get our shit anywhere close to together, the transfer of power should take place before Christmas…. BUT NOT IF THEY KEEP WHINING ABOUT HOW LONG IT’S TAKING!  CAPISCE, CHICAS?!!!  We now return you to your regularly scheduled nonsense….

According to experts, the oyster
In its shell – a crustacean cloister –
May frequently be
Either he or a she
Or both, if it should be its choice ter.

The die has been cast, and all dignity and sense is to be avoided at all cost today…. it’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it…. You gotta love limericks…. they have to be one of the finest ways to stretch the mind through poetry there is, to my mind. Limericks join Haiku, along with the works of Ogden Nash, Shel Silverstein, Robert Frost, and a very few others, as those literary forms that are completely user-friendly. Anyone can learn to write limericks, or haiku, and learn to do it well. Not everyone may be able to match the creativity and precise outlook of these three sterling examples of this genre, which I like to call the People’s Poems, but just about anyone can make poetry that will please them and others, if only for its uniqueness. I don’t know about others, but writing a good haiku, or limerick, makes me feel pretty damn good…. and it’s a good way to meet like minded folks…. hell, it probably would help bring about whirled peas, if the whole whirled could just see it, and join in the fun….

“You have to realize that the government, any government, is insane.  You have to treat it the way pagans treated their gods:  As an irrational, capricious, and powerful entity which will mete out total destruction if not sacrificed to or otherwise placated.” — Mike Long (future Libertarian revolutionary)

Okay, so I couldn’t stay funny for a whole post…. so sue me. Wait! Scratch that…. these days, somebody might just take me up on it, claiming cruel and unusual punishment, or some such…. any who, the above statement makes far too much sense to dismiss lightly. Considering my belief that anyone who desires to assume the position of POTUS, or any other similar position of power over others, is, by definition, stark raving mad, this proposition makes perfect sense to me.

As a true Patriot of this country, one who is completely dedicated to protecting the US Constitution and the Bill of Rights, I regard it as sacred Duty to do all I can to prevent any further inroads on the rights we were given as our legacy. These American pundits, who seek office, and power over others, like an addict seeks his needle, are the most dangerous threat our country has faced in over two hundred years. Our Founding Fathers even predicted this; I’ve read several letters from one of them to another, cautioning against the danger to these principles from internal sources. They even identified the most probable culprits, corporations and banks, and those who took their money (definition of an honest politician: one who stays bought…) …. even then, such entities were regarded with mistrust and suspicion as to their motives.

Thus, it becomes not just preference, but Duty, to speak out when new outrages are committed against the principles of freedom, to fight against ignorance, and avarice, and the unholy forces of Indifference with all my faculties and skills. If I, and anyone else who also fears what these people would do in the name of the Almighty Dollar, do not speak up, if we do not fight the modern trend toward apathy and despair, then we will deserve the slavery we accept by so failing to act…….

“Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.” — P.J. O’Rourke

“A ‘No’ uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.” — Mahatma Gandhi

In the interests of consistency, that hobgoblin, and of continuing today’s attempt to stick to a theme, I present the following, which, though found without any attribution (how could anyone not be proud enough of this to want their name on it?), remains the perfect addition to a lineup that has not merely approached wacky, but left it in the dust….

The sky was dark, the moon was high
All alone just she and I
Her hair was soft, her eyes were blue
I knew just what she wanted to do
Her skin so soft, her legs so fine
I ran my fingers down her spine
I didn’t know how but I tried my best
I started by placing my hands on her breast
I remember my fear, my fast beating heart
But slowly she spread her legs apart
And when I did it I felt no shame
All at once – the white stuff came
At last it’s finished, it’s all over now
My first time ever at milking a cow…

It got me…. how ’bout you? I just wish I knew who wrote it, so I could find more like it….. delicious!….

Three poets, in three distant ages born,
Greece, Italy, and England did adorn.
The first in loftiness of thought surpass’d;
The next, in majesty; in both the last.
The force of Nature could no further go;
To make a third, she join’d the former two.
— John Dryden (1631-1700) — Under Mr. Milton’s Picture

Do what you wanna, do what you will;
Just don’t mess up your neighbor’s thrill.
And when you pay the bill, kindly leave a little tip
To help the next poor sucker on his one-way trip.
— Frank Zappa, You Are What You Is

Our souls sit close and silently within,
And their own web from their own entrails spin;
And when eyes meet far off, our sense is such,
That, spider-like, we feel the tenderest touch.
— John Dryden (1631-1700) — Mariage a la Mode, Act ii, Sc. 1

John Dryden… 10 letters…. Frank Zappa… 10 letters…. John Milton… 10 letters….Coincidence?…. I think not….. further unquestionable evidence of reincarnation, or at least, serendipity, wouldn’t you say?……

I can only hope that today’s unexpected, but welcome, outburst of whimsy has no deleterious effect on the remainder of my ephemeral consciousness on this diurnal interval, although there are worse ways to spend the day than with furious spates of capriciousness and unadulterated fun. Let’s follow the wisest course, of expecting nothing, and appreciating whatever does turn up…. Y’all take care out there…..

Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.



Awesome Blog Content Award Nomination


A few days ago, I received an email that Carolyn at was nominated for an Awesome Blog Content Award. Part of receiving such an honor is to post a thank you note to the blogger who awarded it, to nominate as many bloggers as you see fit for the same award, and to write something about oneself, using the alphabet. It was to my surprise and honor, and great delight, that Carolyn had nominated my blog to receive the award. So thank you Carolyn; you have been a very encouraging friend, and I appreciate all the support.

Nominating other bloggers whom I feel deserve this award is a tough choice. Every blog I’ve signed up to follow has excellent work to display, and choosing just a few is hard. Here are some that I tend to visit a lot, whenever I am notified they have posted. You should enjoy them as well…..

adollylicious, at Dolly is a young media artist, with a heart of gold. You can find her at

jdobypr’s site is called The Urban Link. Jerry offers news and advice for burgeoning DJ’s and Hip Hop and Rap artists. He can be found at

Photobotos promises to post an Amazing Photo Every Day! They can be found at

Maggie Mae writes very powerful poetry. Her site is at

Linda Vernon Humor writes amusing anecdotes and observations on life and her husband. You can find her site at

I would like to include a bunch more, including those by Michael, Michelle, Scott, Randall, Jimmy, Bonanzaetfils, Patrick, Ajay, Rohit, Lesley, and the rest, but I’m already pushing my skill with this blog editing function to the limits. But I want to say that every blog I’ve visited so far has been outstanding in one respect or another.

I’m not shy about talking about myself, so here is my alphabet:

A) Abundantly self-confident. (Some might say Arrogant, but they’re just jealous. A little arrogance is fine, as long as you can back it up…..)

B) Bozoid, for sure..

C) Cooks really well, all things considered. (A $35K culinary arts degree has to count for something, right?)

D) Debonair (well, maybe not, but I’ve always wanted to be described that way, and this is my chance…..)

E) Eternally romantic, within reason, and budget…..

F) Fools around a lot. Well, I AM retired, and I have a lot of hours to fill up.

G) Gosh, I dunno…..maybe Grateful, for old friends and new…..

H) Habitual reader…..averaged one book/day X 50 years.

I) Don’t get me started on “I”…I just get weirder and stranger to longer I write, and I never can stop myself….see?

J) Just another bozo on the bus….

K) Kreative speller….

L) Living la vida loca….

M) Mostly not serious, except when I am…..

N) Ned, the handle I go by out in the big blue room…only my friends and family know it, so please, shhhh!

O) Oh, how did I ever get myself into this? Will it never end? See next installment, er, letter….

P) Pretty clever, eh? That is several in a row without stating anything prosecutable….

Q) Quietly encouraging revolution….

R) Resplendent in my tap shoes and sequined vest….

S) So many places to see! So many songs to be sung! So many people to meet. So much for watching a game on Sunday….

T) Thoroughly incorrigible curmudgeon….

U) Ultraviolet light makes my hair glow orange…..

V) “Ve haff our vays of making you talk!”

W) Why do you want to know? I got nothing to hide, copper!

X) Xact change only please….

Z) Ze list, she is finish…

Well, there you have it. A veritable truckload of stuff about me, all easily folded for packing away. This may help in clearing up some of the questions you may have had after a period of exposure to the Daily Pearls of Virtual Wisdom, but I doubt it did anything but raise more questions than it answered.I do have  a softer side; I just don’t let it out much. I’ve spent too long fashioning my status as a curmudgeon to tarnish that image now. In reality, I tear up at Hallmark commercials.

Thanks again to Carolyn, and to all the bloggers who are now nominated I say, good luck! Y’all take care out there…..

Sometimes I sits and thinks,

and sometimes

I just sits.




A couple of days ago, I received an email informing me that Carolyn at had received a Nomination for the ABC Award. In turn, she nominated several other bloggers, and to my surprise and delight, I was one of them.